The TommyIsCool Logo Showcase - #1 WINS!

So a few weeks back, Blogger added a new feature allowing your blog header to be a picture. I made a quick test picture yesterday, and have received excellent feedback from my loyal readers.

But, the time has come for a new, better logo. And because I like to give the impression that my blog is a democracy (or a democroblog), I'll let YOU decide!

(Tommy reserves the right to ignore all comments and choose the 1st one)

Up first, a new twist on an old favourite. Long-time readers may recognise this blog as part of Tommy's 2006 collection.

Option #1 - 'The Wordy One' - Click To Make Me Big!

Up next is a logo that can only be described as 'Skeleton Overload'. This baby has more skeletons than Lindsay Lohan's closet.

Option #2 - 'The Lohan' - Click To Make Me Big!

And finally, as I discuss politics quite often, I thought I'd make a logo for it. Some of you may think this is an appropriate title for my blog. Others may think it needs a pic of Stalin.

Option #3 - The Red Under Your Blog Head - Click To Make Me Big!

YOU ONLY GET 3 OPTIONS.


Vote Now! Or don't!

Matthew Reilly: Hollywood Bound. In related news, San Diego Zoo reports shortage of bears

My thoughts on prominent Australian "author" Matthew Reilly have been documented on this "blog" before. Essentially, my core complaint with Reilly's work is that it's shit. He uses single line sentences too much, he uses freaking italics in a novel, and his action stories typically involve the release of wild bears into an enclosed environment. Not to mention, his foreshadowing has about as much subtlety as the big red stamp on A Current Affair, and normally looks something like this:

Schofield looked at the small yellow button on the mainframe controls. Underneath was an even smaller sign that read 'Use In Case Of Wild Bear Release'. Schofield made a note of the button and its location, in the event that he would have to press it fifty pages later. And then, a noise.

It was a bear.


And it looked Wild.

Seriously. And to make matters worse, he's working on a television pilot in Hollywood! Now, considering the titles of his previous works ("Jason Chaser: Hover Car Racer"), I was expecting something like 'Jack Blassassin: Registered Assassin', but no! Reilly shocks us with a last minute swerve that doesn't involve a top-secret paramilitary team OR a grappling hook!

Matthew Reilly's father

Matt's working on a show called 'Literary Superstars', about the 'exploits of a publishing industry publicist'. Because releasing press releases and sending gifts to journalists is high-end drama, you see. But don't take my word for it, here's Matt!

No, it’s actually going to be more in the style of Sex and the City - sexy, fast and funky, with humour and the odd moment of drama. The TV people in the States use the word "dramedy" for this kind of show and while it sounds odd, in the case of Literary Superstars it’s actually appropriate!

I dislike you.

Matthew Reilly. Nice jumper, four-eyes.

And I can picture it now. Carrie, Samantha and the red-haired lezzy, sitting around drinking Cosmopolitans, talking about their sexy, fast and funky exploits at the book publishing offices, when suddenly...

A GROUP OF TOP-SECRET PARAMILITARY SOLDIERS BURST THROUGH THE WALL!
Carrie screamed, and clutched her grappling hook.
"You won't need that where we're going," said the soldier's leader, a built man of 30.
"Why?" Carried yelled. "Where are you taking us?"
"We have to get out of here," the soldier replied. "Bears are coming..."


"Sexy bears."

Actually.... That show sounds pretty damn good. Maybe you're not a worthless hack after all, Mr. Reilly. What else do you have in mind for this show?

Some stories? How about: the time our heroine has to publicise her company chairman's wife's new book (based on a true occurrence my agent told me about); or her experiences with a bestselling thriller author at a snooty writers festival (also true); or how she sells a book about how to seduce women (not telling)!

God, the drama just leaks off the pages. Give this guy $20 million and let's cast one of the Baldwins as the publicist. See if you can get the ugly one from Desperate Housewives, too. No, no. The other ugly one. No, the other ugly one. Yes. Her. We'll premiere in the Fall, and cancel good shows like Jericho, Veronica Mars and Studio 60 to make room for fucking Matthew Reilly and his shit idea for a show fuck i hate him so much

When Tommy has nothing to blog about......

The Fall Of Howard: The Boob Edition

We encourage individual achievement and self-reliance without sacrificing the common good. We value our independence and chafe against bureaucracies that deny us choice and the capacity to shape our daily lives. Yet we are determined not to let go of the Australian ethos of a fair go for all.

- John Howard, Australia Day 2006

Debate has raged today after it was revealed a template Australian Workplace Agreement for hotel and hospitality workers has been rolled out, stripping staff of shift penalties, public holiday rates, meal allowances and overtime, replacing them with a starting wage of just $13.47 an hour.

On top of the new hospitality AWA, workers at one motel restaurant have been given instructions not to wear perfume or aftershave, nor to rub their nose or even "pull at a slipping bra strap".

The Daily Telegraph, May 23 2007


So what have we replaced the fair go with? Itchy noses and bouncing norks. We truly are in a golden age.


Here is a photo of some norks.





Easiest blog ever.

An In-Depth and Unbiased Evaluation of 24: Season 6

The following article contains scenes of graphic violence and 24: Season 6 spoilers. Viewer discretion is advised.

So, 24: Season 6.

It's not that it was a bad season.

It's that it was so bad it makes me want to stick my own hand into my mouth, reach down my throat until my fingers burst into my chest cavity so that I can crush my heart with my hand like it was crushed by disappointment over how godawful, ridiculous and repetitive this season of 24 was.

I mean, talk me through how this season makes any sense.

Just like this season of 24, don't question why it makes no sense, just run with it cause it has Kiefer.

You go out of your way to bring in Wayne Palmer and make him president.

He gets written out.

But comes back!!

But then gets written out again after doing practically nothing but one last-second twisteroo which got explained away within 10 minutes of the next episode.

But you bring back Charles Logan, who was one of the best things about last season! And you also bring back Aaron and Martha, who were great entertainment!

But then you put them all in a scenario that panders to what fans wanted but isnt actually quality television or meaningful in any way. Then, at the end of this meaningless scenario, comes the meaningless death of Logan. And Aaron didn't even get to fucking shoot the flame tank on anyone's back. And they made it because Martha was crazy which they spent all last year proving was untrue. And they don't even bother to check back in on Logan after he's stabbed! That's not only bad storytelling, that's bad storyboarding.


Charles Logan, whose only weaknesses are sneaky VP's who hide behind bookshelves.

Also, I know that 24 pushes the bounds of believability, but this year they seem to have involved Jack in a crazy genetic experiment.

How do I know this, you ask?

Because he seems to have grown a vagina.

I'm not talking about 'I dont know if i can do this anymore' Jack that we saw in episodes 2 to 4.

That was an awesome Jack. That was a Jack that, after 10 years of being pushed too far, had finally broken under the incredible weight of both his country's demands and the demands that his own horrific actions had placed on him. Unbelievable, they seemed to have advanced Jack's character to a place we all knew that it had to arrive at eventually, and we had an entire season to understand what Jack was going through as well as to enjoy the thrillride that 24 usually provides.

Then, an hour later, 'oops, no, turns out i'm 100% percent fine and will act for the rest of the season exactly as I acted in seasons previous but will be put into less action-oriented and therefore less awesome situations throughout the day'.


SPOILERS!! This is going to be Jack's wardrobe for season 7.

Like, what the fuck? Have the writers forgotten that what makes 24 a great show is Jack Bauer? It seems difficult to believe they did forget because, over the past two years, they have killed off nearly every other recurring character. They even go out of their way to bring back recurring characters, just to kill them.

Explain to me the purpose of Milo this season.

Comes back, seems cool, has funny banter with co-workers, is great nostalgic value. Gets involved in a very very quickly aborted romantic situation with Nadia. Is out in the field for 30 seconds, gets shot. Recovers from getting shot in 30 seconds, back to CTU. For some unknown fucking reason, is now involved in a 'love triangle' with Nadia and someone who spent two hours torturing Nadia.

I know that the writers and producers of 24 have a better insight into the female psyche than anyone else, but you'd think that if this chick had to choose between someone who spent a few hours unfairly torturing her and NEARLY ANYONE ELSE IN THE FUCKING WORLD, she would choose anyone else. But no, apparently Doyle's dumbed-down, wrinkly-faced charm is too much for her.


Ricky Schroder: You couldn't resist his charms either.

So things aren't looking good for Milo but then, just when things were at their worst, something else happened.

THEY SHOT HIM IN THE HEAD FOR NO REASON

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THIS SHOW

GAAAAAARGHSDF

I can't even go on. Instead of finishing this blog properly, why don't I just introduce my father into the mix, that should kill some time and achieve nothing. Maybe I could link myself to other previously established bloggers by familial relations for no purpose (but those bloggers may get killed after doing nothing for two seasons). There will definitely have to be a mole inside the blog who gets revealed halfway through the article. But next blog I'll totally do everything differently*, don't worry.

* That only means that the mole will get revealed two-thirds of the way through the article.

Some dumbass makin firewood

My Eighteenth Favourite Site

I like pages that do things for you. Like, YouTube automatically sorts all the DaxFlame videos to the top of my screen. My blog shows me the most recent comments on the top right. LathamPorn.com automatically downloads the latest videos for me.

And now, Fundies Say The Darndest Things! does my religion-bashing.

props to some hotty for linking me the site

It's basically a collection of quotes, from sites like ChristianForums.com, and FreeConservatives.com, AnswersInGenesis.org and other conservative Christian sites. And, it's Top 100 Quotes page is a pure, unadulterated comedic goldmine. All I have to do is copy-paste!

Here's one where a God Warrior has written a little skit about a typical atheist household (and spells 'Atheist' wrong). The Atheist Dad comes home, from a long day of... not worshipping a god, and hilarity ensues...

ATHIEST DAD: Hey!
ATHIEST MOM: Hi, honey! I'm pregnant again. I guess I'll just get another abortion, since "fetuses don't count as human life."
ATHIEST DAD: Okay, get as many abortions as you want!
ATHIEST MOM: Oh, and don't go in the bedroom.
ATHIEST DAD: Why not?
ATHIEST MOM: There are two gay men fucking eachother in there.

God, it's like the screenplay to Hey Dad!

Here's Crash, from TheologyOnline...

"You got it backwards.

Creationism is based upon science, reason and tons of evidence.

Evolution is based on the blind acceptance of superstitions and fairy tales."

Now, obviously a lot of the quotes on this site are from the special kind of American fundies, who think Jesus is George Bush's National Security Advisor, and that NASCAR is the Lord in action. And that leads to even more gold...

"I appreciate your recommendation, and it is intriguing, but as a pro-lifer, I cannot support an organization that is opposed to the death penalty."

And a tiny bit of racism....

"But God don't talk in Arabic. He talks in a REAL language, namely, English. It's true that back in them days He translated that to some other language after Speaking it in English, but after all, it's His universe and He can do what He doggone well wants to do.

And some more gold. I hope they're not talking about Obama :(

"As a Christian (of sorts and kind of), I know it is harsh, uncivil, boorish and very unchristianlike not to wish someone a speedy recovery. Nevertheless ... he's a Democrat. Democrats are the most horrific enemies this Christian, conservative nation will ever face.

You know...that one might actually be right...

For the sake of religious balance, here's an equally dumb quote from an atheist...

We Should show Christians that their religion shall not be tolerated. They should all be put in extermination camps and they shall die. And then they'll realize they have no soul and the bible is a bunch of crud."

Though, in his defense, he did write it on YouTube. You can say anything there.


Of course, there's also some debating tips, for the people who might try to use a site like this against them...

""Make sure your answer uses Scripture, not logic.""

Hehe. Man, that one was "funny".

“The gay sensibility,” one speaker informed the audience, is ironic and characterized by the excessively performative use of “air quotes.”

Indeed, irony itself is a gay invention, a coping mechanism for gay people who recognize that they don’t really fit in with normal society."

Well, I "guess" that "makes" me a "flaming queer" then. God, this feels like rain on my wedding day.

And now, the World's Most Inappropriate LOL ...

"If u have sex before marriage then in Gods eyes u are married to that person if a man rapes a woman in Gods eyes they are married it sucks for the girl but what can we do lol"

Of course, there's some that I think are made-up. At least, they HAVE to be made-up. Nobody can be this funny. But, regardless, it's my favourite quote on the site....

How can anyone beleive we evolved from monkeys heres a few questions for people who beleive that

1.If we did evolve from monkeys then how come babies arent born monkeys

2.Even Darwin said his theories were wrong before he died so why do you still believe them

3.do you really not believe the bible it says we were created in seven days not millions of years

4.how come we cant speak monkey

That guy should write me a guest blog.

I would pay him in bananas, lol

Almost as good as Lady Punch

The Fall Of Howard - Tommy's Guide To The Honeymoon

Now, we all know Rudd-mania is running wild, and has been since December. Guy's the tits. With Vampire Butters at the helm, Labor's standing in Newspoll has gone from a three/four point lead under Beazley, to an eighteen point lead. If an election was held on Tuesday, K-Rudd would not only be the Prime Minister and be given the keys to the lodge, it is very likely he would have been given the keys to Janette Howard too.

But, there's always haters. Just like Latham had to deal with the News Limited cronies, Sydney's taxi drivers and his own awesomeness, K-Rudd has to combat the most powerful force in Australian politics - the press gallery.

Channel Nine's Laurie Oakes is not only a member of the Press Gallery, he is also undefeated in the 'Fluffy Bunny' marshmallow game.

You see, the press gallery like their stories. Politics isn't just a random series of events and reactions, it's a narrative. When Burke-Gate broke, it was 'Rudd's first test as a leader', and 'The Honeymoon was over'.

When Rudd got caught in the Sunrise/Anzac Day fiasco, it was 'Rudd's Digger Insult', and 'NOW the Honeymoon was over'.

When big business and the mining companies attacked Labor's IR policy, it was 'Rudd vs Business' and 'NOW the Honeymoon is REALLY over, even though we said it was over three months ago'.

Unlike Rudd's, this honeymoon was over when the wife ate the mini-bar

Yet the polls keep contradicting the story. The people of Australia aren't playing to the script. BurkeGate was the crafty Howard trapping Rudd in a political net. The Sunrise Dawn Service was meant to erode Rudd's popularity. The business opposition to the IR policy was meant to undermind the Vampire's leadership. But it didn't.

Take the budget. It was a masterpiece, if you believe the press gallery. The first shot in the election. The Liberals were taking the agenda away from K-Rudd. Costello was brilliant. The Government was back in front. And what do we get, a week after the budget?

Labor 59-41, up two points from the Newspoll before the budget.

Here's a graph.


So what's the point of this blog? That newspaper columnists and television reporters focus too much on political point-scoring that has absolutely no effect on the public's perception of the two parties? That Australians don't care about manufactured political controversies?


No. The point is that Tommy can make a graph.


Suck it, Miss Reynolds, Year 9 Maths Teacher.

I finally did it.

Hey, Spider-Man, let's have a chat

What were you thinking, Spider-Man?

tobey maguire is not this tan

You start off your film career with Spider-Man 1, a good movie. The Green Goblin is a little too 'bad guy from Power Rangers', but everything clicks. You even let us see Mary-Jane's nipples.

And then you follow that up with Spider-Man 2, a fantastic movie. Doctor Octopus is so well-done, it ends on a nice cliffhanger and the stuff with you and Mary-Jane is great. No MJ nippleage, but I guess that's to be expected.

And then.... you give us Spider-Man 3, and my whole world falls apart. I mean, Harry Osbourne as the Hobgoblin, built up for two movies, wicked. Ned from Ned and Stacy as The Sandman, awesome. And Forman from That 70's Show as Venom? Brilliant. If you had Balky from Perfect Strangers playing The Vulture, the villain line-up would have been off the charts.




But then, you ruin it. Hobgoblin gets like ten minutes. The Sandman turns into Sand King Kong. Venom gets about five minutes. You introduce Gwen Stacy, but no nipples?

And the villain's back-stories. Spidey. Come on now. Look at Batman. Batman villains are good because they're just evil psychos. You don't feel sympathy for The Joker, you don't want him to turn good, you just like it when he pulls out that really long handgun and shoots the Batwing. And then Batman kills him, and all is good.

But Spidey, you just don't know how to make a bad guy. They have to have sick daughters or be in freak octopus-arm-melding-accidents, or have their fathers killed, and then right at the end of the movie they get their redemption. You know what Batman does to redeem his bad guys at the end of movies?


Drops them off a fuckin' building.


And let's see Spidey, an alien symbiote falls from the sky, attaches itself to your body and you turn into this?




You think this is funny? You think we're entertained? No. We're weirded out. We laughed at you in the cinema, but not a 'lol parker you so crazy', a 'lol i wish we'd seen this movie on a tuesday night so our ticket was $3 cheaper'.


Make better movies, Spider-Man. And get rid of the hyphon in your name. You're not fooling anybody.

The Fall Of Howard: The Celebrity Edition

While I'm a dyed-in-the-wool Anybody But John Howard As Long As It's Not Beazley supporter, and therefore know which way I'm voting come election time, I understand some of you may be swinging voters.

Maybe you weren't convinced by my 'John Howard speaks funny' brand of political satire, or maybe you're having doubts about Vampire Butters K-Rudd now he actually has to say things.

So, rather than some shonky analysis of policy and issues, let's cut straight to the important stuff.

Looks.

Particularly, which politician looks like which celebrity. I'll let the Face Recognition site at MyHeritage.com sort this one out. And let me tell you, this thing is wicked. I put two photos in of myself, and got Justin Timberlake twice, which has to be right because I used to be in N*Sync.

First, Howard.




So, John Howard looks.... 80% like John Howard. Fair enough. I've always thought those two looked similar. Who else... Someone named Vanessa Marcil, who stars in Las Vegas, Neil fucking Diamond, Travolta, Downey, Clooney, Brosnan and RE-GIS! It's unBELIEV-ABLE!!

(that's tommy's text regis philbin impression)

I gotta say, Howard is looking pretty good at the moment. Not only does he look like James Bond, but also Iron Man, Batman and the guy from Phenomenon. I'd love for George Clooney to put his picture in, see that he looks like John Howard and kill himself. I'd really love that.

And now, Rudd. If he doesn't get Butters from South Park and Leslie Nielson from Dracula, Dead and Loving It, I'm going to be pissed.



Yep, I'm pissed.

He gets Robbie Coltrane and Jean Reno, so if you like bad guys in action movies set in Europe, you should probably vote for Rudd.

Javier Solana is a former NATO Secretary General and a leader at the EU, and also looks like the bad guy from Alias. Rudd also looks like Mohamed El Baradei, the Director General of the International Atomic Energy Agen- for fucks sake even his look-a-likes are boring.

Wait...

That black guy....


HOLY SHIT


THAT'S SAMUEL L JACKSON!@#


GET THOSE MOTHERFUCKIN JOHN HOWARDS OFF MY MOTHER FUCKING PARLIAMENT!@


YESSS!! RUDD WINS!! RUDD WINS!!


I am now officially jumping on the Rudd/Samuel L. Jackson bandwagon. With Rudd's sound policy mind, and Jackson's lightsaber skills, they will be completely unstoppable. Bring on the election.

I hate Medium

What the fuck is with her fringe

People who annoy you......

This is awesome, and at least it's not the fucking Budget:

CHANNEL 7 television personality Grant Denyer has been forced to apologise for a crude comment he made on a breakfast radio program.

Denyer was a guest on Nova's Merrick and Rosso program when he made the comment. The former Sunrise weather presenter was discussing how he felt after partying hard following the Logies presentations on Sunday night.

"Let me say I'm feeling like I had sex with a black man right now," Denyer said.

lololol

I'm going to defend Grant here. He's not being racist. He's being complimentary. Black guys have large schlongs, and from the look of him in this picture, I'm going to guess he's a kind of expert in that department. Also in whatever department it is that specialises in giant foreheads and mouths that are too close to the nose.

Totally not gay

Of course, those politically-correct bastards immediately jumped on his back, even though he'd clearly stated that he was already sore from that.

First, the gays. Anti-homophobia activist Simon Biber said...

“It’s homophobic but the racial slur is more serious, appealing as it does to a stereotype. It’s harmful, but unfortunately it’s not uncommon.”

Not uncommon, ay? Ay. Ay. Ay ay.

Then, the other gays.

Spokesman for the Gay and Lesbian Rights Lobby, Ghassan 'I'm only gay because my parents named me Ghassan' Kassieh, said...

“This is a totally unacceptable comment, and should never have been made on air,”

And then, the token black guy, Aboriginal leader Mick Mundine said he was upset by Denyer's comment.

"I'm upset by Denyer's comment,"

Now, I don't want to sound harsh, but I'm pretty sure the 'black guys hung like Matt Shirvington's horse' thing doesn't include Aboriginals. I've seen enough episodes of The Bush Mechanic and spied in enough South Sydney Rabbitohs dressing sheds to know that one isn't quite right.

Poor Grant. He should stick to comedy from the pages of Kochie's Best Jokes.

Tommy's Logies Wrap-Up

During Sunday Night's Logie Awards telecast, Tommy took some time off from watching the fat chick get voted off Big Brother to record his thoughts.

Events occur in real time.

IT'S A LOGIE LOGO!@# LOLGIE!!

Adam Hills is just Wil Anderson minus the drugs. In fact, he's so much like Wil Anderson I'm surprised he doesn't spell his name 'Ada'. 30% of you got that.

Izzy from Neighbours said, and I quote, 'You know, watching the nominees for this category, I found it surprising that the Light-Entertainment category had so many heavyweights'. And she didn't shoot herself afterwards.

Rove just won for Most Popular Light-Entertainment. All the people who watch his show must have voted twice or something. Yeah, that must be how he got the 2000 votes required to win.

Maybelline New York must have paid a lot of cash, even the guy from the ABC is plugging it. It's only a matter of time before Kerry O'Brien starts doing ads for erectile disfunction.

Dave Hughes is funny, but he has a chip in his front tooth you could drive Bert Newton's head through and oh fuck Bindi Irwin just came out.

SHE'S READING OFF CARDS

oh god she's so fake

SHE'S DOING THAT THING WHERE YOU RUN YOUR FINGER ALONE THE BOTTOM OF THE LINE

And she has her own TV show. Not even Glen Robbins can save this. Or can he?


Nope.


Hey, this blog needs a picture, and I'd put one of Bindi Irwin but her eyes scare me. So here's Nicky Whelan from Neighbours.




Hey, the Umbilicle Brothers have a kids show. Wicked. They won for Most Outstanding Kids show, and... they're not very funny when they're not doing sound effects. It's like two white Michael Winslows. Ooo, their producer has a freaky red mark on his head, Gorbachev style. Yet no close-up.

Avril Lavigne is performing. I might take a break.

Ok, turns out that break was a little longer than I expected. I come back, and we're already on to the dead people montage. All the obvious ones - Belinda Emmett, Billy Thorpe, Steve Irwin, Ian Thorpe's career, Richard Carleton. Nice montage, but a little harsh if you're Rove watching that. Poor guy. Let's give him a Gold Logie because his wife died.

Damn, I was hoping we went from the dead montage to a really inappropriate ad, but they did a nice, respectful ad for RPA and that Safari kid with the mongy lip.

And who gets to follow the dead montage? Ah. The token American. Michael whatshisface from NCIS. Remember when they had actual stars at The Logies? Like Muhammed Ali? John Wayne? Joey from Friends? Andrew Daddo? Now who do we get? The second fiddle from NCIS. What, they couldn't afford Mark Harmon's asking price?




Hey, Love My Way won for Most Outstanding Drama. All the people that watch that show must have voted twice or someth- already done that one? How about 'It's pretentious shit'? Cool.

They should cut to the Neighbour's girls table more often.

Oh shit, it's Tracy Grimshaw. I'm taking another break.

Apparently Andy of Hamish and Andy is banging Megan Gale. I wonder who Hamish bangs?

Hmmm.....




(That's Andy)

(You should really watch more TV)


Just hurry up and give out the gold Logie to Rove already. This blog is too long. I'm not going to type any more until the Gold Logie unless something hilarious happens.

James Morrison looks like Chris Martin if he was a rat.



I mean, of course, the British singer, not the actor who plays Bill Buchanan on 24. He could kick the shit out of this James Morrison. And then he'd brief the President about it at the start of the episode because thats the only way you can understand 24's plots.



...... Oh god it's still going.


Screw this, the Logies are too long. I'm just going to assume Rove's pulled a Ray Martin and won another fucking Gold Logie. Congratulations Rove. Sally from Home and Away

The Fall Of Howard: The Man Of Steel, The Conviction Politician, The Great Leader, The......... Oh? Really? Oh.

After selling Work Choices as the only solution to the nation's productivity crisis, as the logical next step in Australia's economic reform, as the single most important thing ever in the history of the world................. a backflip.

i love this picture (howard is on the right)

Here's John Howard, the conviction politician, the Ironman of politics, the guy who would absolutely never play politics with important matters such as IR, in 2005.

"There is an elected government and we have put forward a program of changes, it's not radical, it's not extreme. It's not what is being represented by the ACTU."

Mr Howard said the ACTU could talk to him, but the principles of the changes were set in stone and the government would not budge on any of the "essentials".

And, today...

Howard will today acknowledge public concern over his industrial relations laws by introducing a "battlers' clause" designed to prevent people on low to middle incomes from being stripped of work conditions for nothing in return.

In the first significant change to the controversial laws, workers on up to $75,000 will not be allowed to be stripped of protected award conditions such as penalty rates or overtime without receiving anything in return.

I love when John Howard debates himself. But that's not even the best bit. This is from Paul Kelly, the editor-at-large of The Australian newspaper, perhaps the most pro-Howard of any paper in Australia, except all the other ones.

The notion that if Howard amended the laws the intensity of the Labor Party/trade union campaign would dissolve is absurd. Indeed, for Howard to retreat would be a sign of weakness and lack of nerve.

The abandonment by Howard after 33 years in Parliament of one of his longest standing and most intense beliefs - the need to wind back union power and de-regulate the labour market to position Australia for the globalised age - would spell the real demise of the Howard era.

See, it's not just my wicked 'Fall Of Howard' blog titles saying it anymore. The dude is on the nose, and here's my theory - there'll be more backflips. This is just the start. Soon Howard will be hugging Muslims, letting gays marry and donating to Barack Obama's campaign fund. And then he'll change his mind, but just when you think he's back to normal, BAM! Divorces Janette, marries an Abo. Brilliant.


Here's my post summarised in one picture.

Hassling The Heff

Bill Heffernan is a Liberal Senator for NSW, and one of J-Ho's oldest buddies in Parliament. He's also known for doing some pretty outrageous stuff, like calling Justice Michael Kirby a pedo under the cover of parliamentary privilege, or handing out Green Party How-To-Vote cards at the most recent NSW State Election and yelling about how they wanted to give drugs to your kids.

Basically, he's awesome. He's like a nice glass of Mark Latham, aged to perfection. And today, he got in trouble for some more stuff.

yeah, i just shat myself, what are you gunna do about it

First, he said that Priests should be allowed to marry because "Priests, like the rest of us, wake up with a horn at four in the morning."

Considering Heffer is 64, I'm impressed. I also feel sorry for his wife. Speaking of chicks, Heffer's next target wasn't Holy Morning Glories, but a woman whose body could turn a Catholic Priest straight - Julia Gillard.

Heffer said that Julia would never be fit to become Prime Minister because she's "deliberately barren". This leads to a thought more disturbing than a Priest's boner - just exactly how fertile do you have to be to become Prime Minister?






ew.