An In-Depth and Unbiased Evaluation of 24: Season 6

The following article contains scenes of graphic violence and 24: Season 6 spoilers. Viewer discretion is advised.

So, 24: Season 6.

It's not that it was a bad season.

It's that it was so bad it makes me want to stick my own hand into my mouth, reach down my throat until my fingers burst into my chest cavity so that I can crush my heart with my hand like it was crushed by disappointment over how godawful, ridiculous and repetitive this season of 24 was.

I mean, talk me through how this season makes any sense.

Just like this season of 24, don't question why it makes no sense, just run with it cause it has Kiefer.

You go out of your way to bring in Wayne Palmer and make him president.

He gets written out.

But comes back!!

But then gets written out again after doing practically nothing but one last-second twisteroo which got explained away within 10 minutes of the next episode.

But you bring back Charles Logan, who was one of the best things about last season! And you also bring back Aaron and Martha, who were great entertainment!

But then you put them all in a scenario that panders to what fans wanted but isnt actually quality television or meaningful in any way. Then, at the end of this meaningless scenario, comes the meaningless death of Logan. And Aaron didn't even get to fucking shoot the flame tank on anyone's back. And they made it because Martha was crazy which they spent all last year proving was untrue. And they don't even bother to check back in on Logan after he's stabbed! That's not only bad storytelling, that's bad storyboarding.


Charles Logan, whose only weaknesses are sneaky VP's who hide behind bookshelves.

Also, I know that 24 pushes the bounds of believability, but this year they seem to have involved Jack in a crazy genetic experiment.

How do I know this, you ask?

Because he seems to have grown a vagina.

I'm not talking about 'I dont know if i can do this anymore' Jack that we saw in episodes 2 to 4.

That was an awesome Jack. That was a Jack that, after 10 years of being pushed too far, had finally broken under the incredible weight of both his country's demands and the demands that his own horrific actions had placed on him. Unbelievable, they seemed to have advanced Jack's character to a place we all knew that it had to arrive at eventually, and we had an entire season to understand what Jack was going through as well as to enjoy the thrillride that 24 usually provides.

Then, an hour later, 'oops, no, turns out i'm 100% percent fine and will act for the rest of the season exactly as I acted in seasons previous but will be put into less action-oriented and therefore less awesome situations throughout the day'.


SPOILERS!! This is going to be Jack's wardrobe for season 7.

Like, what the fuck? Have the writers forgotten that what makes 24 a great show is Jack Bauer? It seems difficult to believe they did forget because, over the past two years, they have killed off nearly every other recurring character. They even go out of their way to bring back recurring characters, just to kill them.

Explain to me the purpose of Milo this season.

Comes back, seems cool, has funny banter with co-workers, is great nostalgic value. Gets involved in a very very quickly aborted romantic situation with Nadia. Is out in the field for 30 seconds, gets shot. Recovers from getting shot in 30 seconds, back to CTU. For some unknown fucking reason, is now involved in a 'love triangle' with Nadia and someone who spent two hours torturing Nadia.

I know that the writers and producers of 24 have a better insight into the female psyche than anyone else, but you'd think that if this chick had to choose between someone who spent a few hours unfairly torturing her and NEARLY ANYONE ELSE IN THE FUCKING WORLD, she would choose anyone else. But no, apparently Doyle's dumbed-down, wrinkly-faced charm is too much for her.


Ricky Schroder: You couldn't resist his charms either.

So things aren't looking good for Milo but then, just when things were at their worst, something else happened.

THEY SHOT HIM IN THE HEAD FOR NO REASON

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THIS SHOW

GAAAAAARGHSDF

I can't even go on. Instead of finishing this blog properly, why don't I just introduce my father into the mix, that should kill some time and achieve nothing. Maybe I could link myself to other previously established bloggers by familial relations for no purpose (but those bloggers may get killed after doing nothing for two seasons). There will definitely have to be a mole inside the blog who gets revealed halfway through the article. But next blog I'll totally do everything differently*, don't worry.

* That only means that the mole will get revealed two-thirds of the way through the article.