tommyiscooldotcom

The thong-kicking faggot sent me a link to this blog the other day. Now, it's got nothing on the Emo Blog I reviewed before, but it definitely has its own homely charm. So without further ado, I present to you...

TACO GIRL



Now, the first thing you'll notice here is that the bitch has copied my blog layout. What a mother bitch. When you read through her site, you'll see it's actually quite serious. She's a mother with a verbally abusive husband who makes posts about her mortgage dilemmas and her struggle to decide whether she should be a surrogate mother or not. You know, normal stuff.

But then you read her 100th post. The numbered list is a staple of blogs, particularly those by people who have absolutely no creativity. But Taco Girl's list of '100 Things About Me' is absolutely fantastic. Probably the best thing I've ever read since the page in Latham's diaries when he says 'cunt'. Let's take a look at the best bits.

• 1. I have green eyes
• 5. I love Mexican food
• 6. Especially tacos
• 7. I load sourcream and/or cheese on just about everything

She starts off normal, she has green eyes, loves Mexican food and sour cream. Then, just when you think it's going to be an entire list devoted to the foods she eats too much of - BAM!

• 10. I was kind of a slut way back when

Woah nelly. It's safe to say that perked my interest (until I saw a photo of her). But she gets a bit boring after that, talking about her family, her childhood, then her own children before she surprises us again with

• 27. I had dd when I was 16.
• 28. I had ds when I was 25.
• 29. I got married when I was 7 months pregnant with ds.
• 30. DD's dad is a convicted felon.

BAM! ('DD' and 'DS' are her children by the way") Now we're getting somewhere. She got knocked up when she was a teenager! And then got married! And the first kid's dad is a FELON! Now we're cooking with oil and it's only a third of the way in! Somebody change my pants because this is getting ho-

• 35. My best friend committed suicide when we were 19.
• 36. Her name was Sigrid.
• 37. She died on the railroad tracks.
• 38. I never had another best- best friend like that.

Ok bitch you totally killed my buzz. Next you're going to tell us some horrible story about how you lost your virginity.

• 39. I lost my virginity when I was 14.
• 40. To a 17 year old.
• 41. Then my family moved me away to the country.
• 42. I got back with him when I was 19 and already had dd.
• 43. He killed himself one night after I left his apartment.
• 44. That fucked me up.

O...kay.... But things are better now right?

• 45. My husband would KILL me if he knew about this blog.

But your husband aside, your life is ok now though isn't it? Like you're dealing with all these problems? Cause stuff like that could fuck you up.

• 57. I am probably an alcoholic.
• 58. I love popping pills too.
• 59. Xanax= good!
• 60. I have tried EVERY drug you can think of.
• 61. Even heroin.
• 62. I don't do any of that shit now.

Oh. Right. But that's good, number 62, you're over the drugs. That's great to hear. I know some people who get over drug addictions by replacing their drugs with food, so when they want a fix they just have a donut or something.

• 63. I have an eating disorder.

.... Okay. Well, I guess as long as it's not too bad, everyone kinda has an eating disorder in some way. I only have hot chocolate for breakfast!

• 66. I love to get eaten out.

Ohhh. That kind of eating disorder. I don't have that.

• 67. I love Mr. Pink, my trusty vibro.
• 68. I had a foursome once.
• 69. My husband couldn't keep it up.
• 70. That made me feel good in a way. :)

I'm lying. I said I didn't have an eating disorder and right after I read #67 I VOMITED MY LUNCH. I think I'll skip the next few about your freaky sex life. Here's a nice one.

• 92. I love to cook.
• 93. I hate to clean.
• 94. My favorite color is blue.

Aww, I like blue too! Maybe your life isn't so bad after all!

• 100. I am incapable of being happy.

Oh. You're also incapable of structuring a list so the bits about how you're an ex-junkie anorexic whose childhood was full of unimaginable trauma isn't mixed in with the bits about your favourite colour and how much you enjoy sour cream.

I think Taco Girl should ditch her husband and date this guy.