I can't be the only one who read this on ABC News:
He's a cool dude.
I start my new job tomorrow, so blogs may become less frequent, or at least happen on different days. The blog isn't closing or anything crazy though - as long as John Howard is still Prime Minister, I feel a patriotic obligation to hate on him.
But I thought, as the blog enters a new, employed era, that I would take a stroll down memory lane. A bit of a Where Are They Now, just without Kochie and the dyke. In this installment, we take a look back at the TommyIsCool victims, the people who I've mercilessly crushed with my witty rejoinders and words like 'rejoinders'.
Our first gravestone in this stroll down memory lane? Our old favourite, Taco Girl. You might remember her for the '100 Things You Don't Know About Taco Girl' blog, where she told us that she loves sour cream, has an eating disorder, got knocked up by a convicted felon, hates her husband and is incapable of being happy. And Owen Wilson thinks he has it bad.
Almost two years later, and Taco Girl has changed a lot. She still has an eating disorder, hates her husband and got knocked up by a convicted felon, but now she hates her children too!
I don't feel guilty. It's obviously the child's fault for wanting to spend time with their friends and not their psychologically abusive step-father.
Up next, another target from two years ago - Razali Ali, the world's lamest emo. He's the one who came up with emo-tastic gems such as:
my toe is bleedin.stupid.hit it against the wall.my mom is goin out.so is my bro.n my father.everi1 is out.cept me.bgus.my sis just bought me a slippa.she called to ask wat colour i want.tanks.
sheesh.tis sucks.sumting is wrong all over again
jaren trying to cut himself with amplified sound waves
i'd hit itThere's nothing sadder than the people who edit and moderate Wikipedia. I get the ones that may contribute to a page about a certain hobby or something, but what about the ones writing the entry for the word "here"? Who feels so strongly about a word that they'll make a Wiki entry for it?
Anyway, the Prime Minister's office has joined in on the action, making 126 edits to Wikipedia. I take such an offense personally, considering another giant Wiki tool deleted Matt's awesome Derek Granger entry.
Don't think I've forgotten, Wine-o.
The only other person to show an interest in Andrew Gaze's career? Andrew Gaze.
I'm kind of Jewish when it comes to the War On Terror. I loved the Old Testament (Afghanistan), but I don't really care so much for the sequel. I stole that from some guy. I forget who.
To me, Afghanistan was about as justified a war as you can get these days. It was blowing up people who'd blown up our ally, people who were running one of the most oppressive, fundamentalist regimes since the Howard Government (sorry, it's an election year), and it also helped secure oil for my Corolla. That's three ticks. Four if you count the fact they weren't white.
This is totally what e-mail looks likeThe few weeks between the visits to Pakistan of Richard Boucher, the US assistant secretary of state who left last week, and Deputy Secretary of State John Negroponte, who arrives on September 10, could prove crucial in determining the fate of Afghanistan. This is the timeline for secret three-party talks to establish teega (a Pashtu word for a peace deal that resolves a conflict) between the Western coalition forces in Afghanistan (with Pakistan), the Afghan government, and the anti-coalition insurgents of Afghanistan. The first round of talks has already begun in the southwestern Pakistani city of Quetta, Asia Times Online has learned.
Well, the leading political news of the day is Kevin Rudd's trip to Scores in New York, so sadly, I'm going to have to put up a relevant picture.
yes mr. rudd, please tell us more about the trade deficit
Nobody told me I could make POLLS
VOTE IN MY POLL!@#
on my poll more like it am i rite
VOTE NOW~!
When I first decided to do a series of blogs called 'The Fall Of Howard', I didn't think it would be so freakin' easy.
Three senior Canberra gallery journalists, including the ABC's Michael Brissenden, say they met with Mr Costello over dinner in early 2005.
They say the Treasurer told them Mr Howard could not win the election and he would "destroy" his leadership if he [Mr Howard] was still Prime Minister by 2006.
Brissenden says Mr Costello's office called the journalists one day after the conversation and asked for the comments to be placed 'off the record'. He says the journalists reluctantly agreed.
- ABC News
"I think the public are sick of this sort of stuff... you think the public would believe journalists over Peter Costello?" Mr Downer said.
The Channel Nine NRL Commentary Team is a lot like a family. You have the patriarch, Ray 'Rabs' Warren. The cool dad Sterlo. The funny uncle Fatty Vautin. The funnier brother Matty Johns. And starting this year, Ben Ikin, the cousin you haven't seen in a while because the family is ashamed of him and have been keeping him in a special facility out of the state but now even the facility doesn't want him so he's moved back home but you know it won't last long because either his parents will freak out and murder him or he'll accidentally drown himself in a corn silo.
For those of you who don't know Ben Ikin, he is best known for sucking off Broncos coach Wayne Bennett on a bi-weekly basis.
Unfortunately, some idiotic temp at Channel Nine recently decided to slap a pair of faggy glasses on him ('fagtacles' for short) and give Ben a microphone that was actually plugged in.
Here's an example of Ikin's commentary from a few weeks ago. To set the stage, The Canterbury Bulldogs are playing a team that doesn't rape. They've just scored and Hazem El Masri, Allah's Gift To Goal Kicking, is lining up the conversion. Hazem is currently in a little bit of a funk, kicking 95% instead of 97%.
Over to you, Ben.
Hazem is in a real goal-kicking slump at the moment...
Hazem kicks the conversion successfully. The slump is over!
Later, Hazem misses the final goal of the match. What does Ben say? Hazem is sliding back into the form slump that we'd seen earlier this year...
...
Like, it makes sense because the guy's suppressing the memory of an entire life wasted, so an 80 minute football match must seem like the kind of time period that you can do some trend analysis on. But for those of us who don't have mutated freak heads and a cock for a brain, it only makes for some piss poor commentary.
Like this:
Ben on the sideline... Yeah thanks Rabs, the Titans are currently on four points after that try from Scott Prince. If they can get this conversion, they'll get another two points which will put them on a total of six. Expert commentary, from Ben Ikin.
But Ben doesn't just opine on rugby league. He's also been known to commentate on his daily life. Yes, and now the girl is now sucking my penis. I certainly seem to be enjoying it. I am really worried about ejaculating too early and not only surprising and disappointing her but also causing her to vomit, which might result in an early end to this encounter.
Do you have to speak? Yes. And I didn't just nut in your mouth early. That was...that was you.
Poor Ben. Though, none of this changes the fact that most people would rather go down on Gus Gould than meet Ben Ikin in person and not kill him.
Are Kevin Sorbo and Naomi Robson the same person? Boredomistan reports, you decide.
But enough plugs. Today's blog is about a threat to my livelihood.
As you know, this blog has annual revenue well in the tens, but that could once again be threatened, thanks to those fat cats in Canberra.
JOHN Howard is going to spend $189 million on "cleaning up the Internet" for Australian families, blocking pornography, upgrading the search for chatroom sex predators and cutting off terror sites. Every Australian family will be provided with a free internet filter and the federal Government will enter an unprecedented partnership with service providers to filter pornography at the source.
Kim Beazley fat joke courtesy of Wil Anderson
please don't send me e-mailSome of you may not know this, but I bleed blue and white. No, I do not need a doctor, nor am I a Smurf. Rather, I am a Canterbury Bulldogs supporter. Although I think I am one-eighth Smurf, apparently because my great grandmother had a thing for little people.
In addition to being an accomplished medical practicioner, I am also a keen student of the law and, as Sydney's lebanese community isn't overflowing with lawyers, I have been appointed as Brad Morrin's legal defence (or his legal 'back-rower', if you will) for his upcoming match against the NRL Judiciary.
I can't say I've been following this Mohamed Hanfeef story. I can only give so much attention to Indians at once, and my quota was filled by The Great Khali becoming the World Champion on Smackdown. But Haneef's case raises a wider point. A wider point for me to bitch about.
Even the most blatant Howard supporters (all 3 that are left) will admit that Haneef's case was handled horribly. Whether blame lies at the fault of the police, or the DPP, or the Government, it was a case more poorly constructed than a bridge in Minnesota than a bridge in a completely different location.
Mohamed Haneef
