The Ultimate Showdown Of Ultimaticity

As I love so many television shows, the annual Emmy Awards is always a heart-wrenching experience. How can I choose between 24 and Lost, or Entourage and The Office? Do I pull for Philip Norden or Robert Florio to win Most Outstanding Single-Camera Picture Editing For A Miniseries Or Movie? Why do they do this to me?

because we hate you, tommy

But never has been harder to choose than this year. For Most Outstanding Supporting Actor In A Drama Series, I'm faced with a choice.

Perennial favourite Terry O'Quinn, aka John mother fuckin Locke, from LOST, vs Michael Emerson, aka the leader of The Others, Ben Linus, also from LOST, vs Masi Oka, aka Hiro Nakamura, from Heroes.

This is worse than when The Ultimate Warrior fought Hulk Hogan at Wrestlemania VI. So, to help me decide, and because my focus group polling has shown my readers prefer blogs in bullet points, I'm going to go through the pros and cons of each nominee, in a bit I'm going to call...


The Pros And Cons Of Each Nominee (some jokes by Matt)



Pros

• A very good actor.
• Eyes so cold they'll be used on Emmy night to cool Lindsay Lohan's vodka.
• Will explode minds of viewers when it turns out that he was right when he said 'Don't nominate me for an Emmy, it will mean the end of us all' and that the broadcast everyone is watching is actually the 2012 Emmys.

Cons

• Will kidnap cast members of Grey's Anatomy to operate on his spinal tumour.
• 'Linus'?
  
• Acceptance speech will mainly contain evil monologues and death stares.

Pros

• Will probably end up knifing someone, win or lose.
• You know when he stared down The Monster in Season 1? He wasn't acting.
• May celebrate his Emmy win by crushing Freddie Prinze Jr. with a plane

Cons

• Father was a con artist, so has many cons.
• If he loses, might spend another season being an emo bitch.
• Has the potential to cause a deadly overdose of cool if seated next to Kiefer Sutherland.

Pros

• Ability to bend space and time, can win and lose Emmy simultaneously.
• First Asian male to be nominated for an Emmy since
• Will yell YATA!! if he wins.

Cons

• (Asian)
• Cute bumbling foreigner gimmick will get old by Season 3.
• His dad is gay irl lolll.

Well, after that I................... still can't choose. Let's just hope Shatner doesn't win.

I Swear To God

If I don't get Foxtel soon, I'm going to fucking kill myself

I hate Medium

What the fuck is with her fringe

Tommy's Logies Wrap-Up

During Sunday Night's Logie Awards telecast, Tommy took some time off from watching the fat chick get voted off Big Brother to record his thoughts.

Events occur in real time.

IT'S A LOGIE LOGO!@# LOLGIE!!

Adam Hills is just Wil Anderson minus the drugs. In fact, he's so much like Wil Anderson I'm surprised he doesn't spell his name 'Ada'. 30% of you got that.

Izzy from Neighbours said, and I quote, 'You know, watching the nominees for this category, I found it surprising that the Light-Entertainment category had so many heavyweights'. And she didn't shoot herself afterwards.

Rove just won for Most Popular Light-Entertainment. All the people who watch his show must have voted twice or something. Yeah, that must be how he got the 2000 votes required to win.

Maybelline New York must have paid a lot of cash, even the guy from the ABC is plugging it. It's only a matter of time before Kerry O'Brien starts doing ads for erectile disfunction.

Dave Hughes is funny, but he has a chip in his front tooth you could drive Bert Newton's head through and oh fuck Bindi Irwin just came out.

SHE'S READING OFF CARDS

oh god she's so fake

SHE'S DOING THAT THING WHERE YOU RUN YOUR FINGER ALONE THE BOTTOM OF THE LINE

And she has her own TV show. Not even Glen Robbins can save this. Or can he?


Nope.


Hey, this blog needs a picture, and I'd put one of Bindi Irwin but her eyes scare me. So here's Nicky Whelan from Neighbours.




Hey, the Umbilicle Brothers have a kids show. Wicked. They won for Most Outstanding Kids show, and... they're not very funny when they're not doing sound effects. It's like two white Michael Winslows. Ooo, their producer has a freaky red mark on his head, Gorbachev style. Yet no close-up.

Avril Lavigne is performing. I might take a break.

Ok, turns out that break was a little longer than I expected. I come back, and we're already on to the dead people montage. All the obvious ones - Belinda Emmett, Billy Thorpe, Steve Irwin, Ian Thorpe's career, Richard Carleton. Nice montage, but a little harsh if you're Rove watching that. Poor guy. Let's give him a Gold Logie because his wife died.

Damn, I was hoping we went from the dead montage to a really inappropriate ad, but they did a nice, respectful ad for RPA and that Safari kid with the mongy lip.

And who gets to follow the dead montage? Ah. The token American. Michael whatshisface from NCIS. Remember when they had actual stars at The Logies? Like Muhammed Ali? John Wayne? Joey from Friends? Andrew Daddo? Now who do we get? The second fiddle from NCIS. What, they couldn't afford Mark Harmon's asking price?




Hey, Love My Way won for Most Outstanding Drama. All the people that watch that show must have voted twice or someth- already done that one? How about 'It's pretentious shit'? Cool.

They should cut to the Neighbour's girls table more often.

Oh shit, it's Tracy Grimshaw. I'm taking another break.

Apparently Andy of Hamish and Andy is banging Megan Gale. I wonder who Hamish bangs?

Hmmm.....




(That's Andy)

(You should really watch more TV)


Just hurry up and give out the gold Logie to Rove already. This blog is too long. I'm not going to type any more until the Gold Logie unless something hilarious happens.

James Morrison looks like Chris Martin if he was a rat.



I mean, of course, the British singer, not the actor who plays Bill Buchanan on 24. He could kick the shit out of this James Morrison. And then he'd brief the President about it at the start of the episode because thats the only way you can understand 24's plots.



...... Oh god it's still going.


Screw this, the Logies are too long. I'm just going to assume Rove's pulled a Ray Martin and won another fucking Gold Logie. Congratulations Rove. Sally from Home and Away

The Curse Of The Power Rangers - By Tommy, with Matt. Not the other way around.

You remember the Power Rangers right? For me, they were the last kids show I watched before I hit Year 6 and such things were no longer acceptable. So for that reason, they hold a special place in my heart. I'm talking, of course, about the first show, not those weird new ones where they're in space fighting space pandas.

they obviously weren't the mighty morphin fashion rangers, am i right girls

But something always irked me about Power Rangers, even at a young age. It was just so fake. And I have a high tolerance for fakeness. I watch wrestling.

But Power Rangers was just a.... higher level of fakeness. The voice dubbing for the bad guys, obviously lifted from some cheap Japanese show. The stock footage fight scenes, and good lord, the final fight at the end of an episode. Fake fake fake.

If you've never seen an ep of Power Rangers, this is how it went down:

• Rangers would fight the monster of the week, typically a school mascot or inanimate object turned evil by some space bitch

the space bitch

• Monster of the week would grow dramatically in size
• Rangers would be all like oh shit, and then call for their rides (extinct robot animals)
• Monster of the week would kick their arses
• Rangers would combine their rides together to form a giant badass dude
• Monster of the week would kick their arses
• Badass dude would call for his gay magic sword
• Victory
• Corny Power Rangers in street clothes segment
  
• End

Repeat that for a few hundred episodes, and you got yourself a kids show. Though, it wasn't all bad. Power Rangers had one of the single coolest characters in a kids show ever - Tommy, The Green Ranger. And no, it's not just because of his wicked name. I mean, check out this hair.

cool

Tommy was to Power Rangers as Balky was to Perfect Strangers. He was the Hiro, the Locke, the Jack Bauer. How he went from evil to good, and then to White, and then apparently to every colour in the rainbow as he continued to star in every single freaking iteration of Power Rangers ever because he couldn't find any other acting gigs that required being proficient with a magical flute that summoned a robot Godzilla and looking really cool.

I have the power of queer!

But, a quick IMDB says that the only Power Ranger with an acting career after the show is Amy Jo Johnston, the Pink Ranger. The rest read like an acting obituary. And, in the case of the Yellow Ranger Trini, they are an obituary. She died in a car crash in 2001, eight suspicious days before September 11th. I'm not saying she was responsible, but I've always wondered about this picture.



Anyway, I wonder how long Trini was in the hospital for after the crash. I can picture it now. The nurse enters, Trini's eyes open and she yells 'IT'S MORPHINE TIME!!'

...


Yep, we're done.

That's when bad blogs become good friends.

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1 versus 100 versus The Rich List versus Good Shows

Monday night saw the pre-ratings season season kick off on free-to-air telly, with the premiere of Seven's new expensive quiz show The Rich List, and Nine's new expensive quiz show 1vs100. A two hour block of annoying television. So what did I do?

I watched it.

Well, enough to bitch about it.

With mates though, so it was cool. Like watching Antiques Roadshow with your mates. Watching it alone makes you a 50-year old woman, or someone with a fetish for bad English cardigans. But watching with friends turns Antique Roadshow into something cool, like 24, or Lost, or Antiques Roadshow.

So, the quiz shows. 1vs100 rated its socks off, and for good reason. It has gimmicks. Lots of them. A giant wall of 100 people ('The Mob'), answering the same questions as the contestant ('The One'), presided over by Eddie McGuire ('The Dickhead'). Don't get much better than that.



It seems pretty easy for The One to win cash, they just have to answer more questions right than any number of the mob. That didn't stop the first contestant from having a sweat patch the size of the Gulf of Carpentaria, though.

And while we're at it, since when did Eddie McGuire turn into Vince McMahon? He's the CEO of the company, but he chucks himself on the air as much as possible. Next week, he'll make the that blonde guy from Getaway fight The Undertaker.

I'm sorry Nature Boy Ric Flair, but we won't find
the answer out until after this break.

But both shows share one feature. No, not dicky hosts. I like Andrew O'Keefe. He's old school. No, both shows had something that plagues every prime-time quiz show.

The contestants.

Not them personally, but how they answer questions. It's not just:

Eddie: What is the capital of Spain?

Dicky Contestant: Mexico

Eddie: Wrong

They go...

Eddie: What is the capital of Spain?

Dicky Contestant: Well Eddie, my father was actually born in Adelaide..

Eddie: Oh, is that right?

Dicky Contestant: Yes, and he had a dog, it was a cocker spaniel.

*Crowd laughs*

Dicky Contestant: And then my mother was murdered by a guy from Spain.

*Eddie laughs*

Dicky Contestant: So I'll lock in B, Mexico.

Obviously, that's a fake transcript (his mother was actually raped), but you get the drift.

I actually think that's how you get on these shows. If the casting director asks you your name, and you take four minutes to answer, including a two-minute soliloquy about Aboriginal Reconciliation - you're in.

Actually, on second thought, don't mind me. I'm still pissed I didn't get selected for Australia's Brainiest Kid.

The Best TV Shows You're Not Watching

When you combine Foxtel Digital and the internet, you end up having a lot of choice for your television viewing habits. You could watch Law and Order on TV1, or illegal, extremely hardcore pornography filmed in a former Soviet republic. That's two choices right there!

But I know some of you aren't as.... televisionally endowed as me. Some of you might not even have Pay TV. Some of you mightn't even plan your days around when Lost is out for download. It's sad, really. Just sad.

So, here's my guide to the Best TV Shows That You Ar- ah fuck it just read the blog title.

I chose 7, because it's the number everyone chooses when people say 'pick a number between 1 and 10'. They are ranked in order of quality and/or not-watching-ness.


#7 - The Unit

I mentioned this in my last blog about TV, but it's still a kickass show. It's kind of like House in that it's pretty formulaic, but always with a twist. And nothing ever happens that matters the next episode. It not only stars President Palmer from 24, but the T-1000 and the guy from Felicity. I'm pretty sure I mentioned that in the last blog. How about you just read that, and we'll skip to #6?



#6 - The Unit

Fuck.









#6 - Studio 60 On The Sunset Strip

Again, another relic from the last TV blog. Studio 60 is set behind-the-scenes at a television sketch comedy show. If you like The West Wing, you will love this. If you don't love The West Wing, go back to school. Seriously. You obviously missed a day or something. I'd rate this show higher because of the quality of the writing and the perfomances, but it does treat a 90-minute comedy show as the most important thing ever. It's also a little preachy.

If I wanted preachy, over-intelligent people lecturing me about culture, I'd watch the ABC. Bam. Take that, Spicks and Specks.


#5 - TNA iMPACT!

So like, Sting won the NWA World Title right. But he fought Abyss in a match and he put Abyss off the stage through a table covered in thumbtacks, but before he did, he pushed the ref so he lost the title by disqualification. Wrestling rocks. If you liked The West Wing, you'll like this. Not because it's well-written, witty or even has any semblance of a coherant plot. It's just 'West Wing' rhymes with 'Wrestling'.



#4 - Extras

Ricky Gervais' follow-up to The Office follows him as a struggling actor trying to make it big. Worth watching just for the celebrity cameos, like Robert DeNiro, Ian McKellen and Harry Potter. Until you have seen Patrick Stewart pitch his film to Ricky, which just involves ladies ripping their clothes off in front of him, you have not lived.




#3 - The Office (US)

Speaking of The Office, here's.... The.. Office. The US remake rocks. The first season was average, but the last two have been sensational. One of those shows where so much good stuff happens that you could find 10 people, make them watch an episode, and they'd each have a different favourite moment.

Also, the Jim and Pam love angle shits over Ross and Rachel in every way. Mainly because Jim isn't a neurotic, annoying Jew.



#2 - Dexter
Dexter was almost #1, but it lacks a likeable Japanese guy who can teleport. Instead, we get Dexter Morgan, a forensic blood analyst for the Miami police by day, and a serial killer by night. But he only kills bad guys. Like, really bad guys. And he only does it because as a child he witnessed unimaginable slaughter, developed a lust for blood and was trained by his dead-cop adopted father to limit his murderous desires to those who actually deserved it.


It's a comedy.

And yes, he has a Laboratory.


#1 - Heroes

Oh, Heroes. Where do I start. Indestructible cheerleader. Future-seeing painter slash heroin junkie whose addiction feeds his powers. Slutty, split-personality webcam stripper who slaughters people who get in her way, then doesn't remember it. Teleporting Japanese office worker who is the funnest character on TV ever. Bad guy who slices peoples heads off and eats their brains. If I was a TV, let's just say my aerial would be pointing to the sky right now.

By that, I mean I'd have an erection.

Now you're not going to watch Heroes, are you?




Damn.

Damn it Chloe, it's Clobberin' Time

I only geek out over a handful of things. Professional wrestling, Lost, 24, West Wing, X-Men movies, James Bond movies, comic books, World War 2, politics, The Office and Grand Theft Auto games. See, only a few things. It's not called TommyIsCOOLDotCom for nothin', hip cats.

But imagine my surprise, imagine my geek-icity when somebody combined two of my favourite things. No, not Grand Theft Auto: West Wing, I'm talkin' about 24: The COMIC BOOK.






It's called 24: One Shot, and it's.... actually pretty crap. Whoever had the bright idea to make a comic book out of a one-hour television show whose gimmick relies on being a one-hour television show is pretty stupid. Instead of tense, fast-paced thrillrides where Jack Bauer races against the clock to stop a terrorist/bomb/mountain lion, we get occassionally bolded words! And close-ups!





It's set before Season 1 of the show, on Jack's first day at the job at CTU Los Angeles. Fans of the show will recognise some faces, like:

Jack Bauer

Tony Almeda











And some black guy who gets killed straight away












As you can tell, the art is pretty good. Jack looks like Jack. He also bears a stunning resemblance to Kiefer Sutherland. Except in this panel, where he looks like he has Downs Syndrome.

The story involves Jack having to accompany a former Irish Republican Army hot chick/terrorist to.... fucked if I know. It was too confusing. Some kind of meeting. Then their chopper gets shot down, the first of three choppers to be shot down in this single comic book. And then Wolverine pops up for some reason.

Not even Wolverine's mutant healing factor could beat Jack Bauer

The story continues, and then some other, less hot bitch with Swedish milkmaid hair arrives, and then Jack combines his body with a lady who can't close her mouth and shoots the first bitch.

Take that, fourty years of women's rights progress

Then he, Wolverine and The Avengers travel to space to finally destroy Dark Phoenix once and for all.

This comic was shit. It's not even worth me writing a closing statement, so I'll just get Matt, prominent guest blogger, and co-creator of The Derek Granger Chronicles (coming soon to TommyIsCoolDotCom) to do the honours.

In the tradition of truly woeful comic books like 'Jurassic Park: Lex Shows Timmy her Dilophosaurus', the unanticipated crossover 'The Punisher Lays Waste to Barbie's Magical Dream House' and almost every edition of 'The Fantastic Four', 24: One Shot is like very much like a cheap Taiwanese whore - it's ugly, you can't understand most of it, and most of the time that you were supposed to be enjoying yourself you were just praying you'd make it through the ordeal without catching sight of a huge cock.

Too true bro...


Too true.

Rocky VI

I've made fun of Rocky Dennis before. For those of you who are not familiar with Rocky Dennis, he is the main character in the film Mask, starring Cher. It's about a boy whose face is so disfigured that he looks like he is wearing a horror-film mask. Cher plays his biological mother in the film, which might explain why his face looks like this:

I don't make fun of him because I think physical deformities are funny, it's just he always seems to keep popping up in my head. I've only seen the film once before, one night on Channel Ten after I finished 'watching' Sandra Sully present the late news. But his face was do distinctive, so memorable that I always think of it. And for some reason, I see it everywhere.


Especially when I see former Sydney Roosters centre turned rugby-union turncoat Ryan Cross.

Fittler, cut-out pass to Cross, Cross chased by a group of angry townsfolk bearing pitchforks, offloads to Minichiello, Roosters score!

Or star of Dawson's Creek, James Van Der Beek.

omg it's named dawsons creek cause dawson drowns in it trying to save joey i read it on the net

But last night, when I flicked to Australian Idol (shut up), I saw a new Rocky Dennis look-a-like. Not only did he look like Rocky, he acted like him, moving like a veritable Quasimodo on stage. According to the Idol website, his name is Bobby Flynn. According to a zoological study I had conducted by a friend at Taronga Zoo, he is most likely of the Homo Neanderthalensis genus, likes to hunt in packs, and considers fish heads a tasty treat.


Look at the similarities - Australian Idol, or Rocky Dennis? You be the judge.




That is all.

Stand Up "Australia" - A "Comedy" "Show"

Aside from Wil Anderson and John Howard, I don't normally bag out stand-up comedians. Because being a stand-up comedian is a pretty tough job. It requires a lot of guts to hoist yourself on stage and do a set, contain yourself when the crowd doesn't laugh at your wicked joke about boongs, and then do it all over again the next night. I don't think I could do it, considering my hand shakes whenever I do a speech at a 21st/wedding.

But as I've shown before, there are exceptions to this rule. And Foxtel's TheComedyChannel just keeps pumping them out in a new show they call Stand Up Australia. The fact that the backdrop behind the performers included the Statue Of Liberty for the first week or so shows how much thought they've put into the show. But my beef isn't with that blatant Americanism, it's with the "comedians" on the show, specifically one who I've forgotten the name of.

Welcome to Stand-Up Australia, throw some shrimp on the barbie, digger. Yahoo Serious, Crikey!

It was a Friday night, I was losing poker to my mates, and the show was on in the background. I don't know if it was the guy's voice, or some kind of Spider-Sense on our parts, but for some reason we all stopped playing to watch him. And these are, as good as I can transcribe them, the jokes one of the "comedians" on Stand Up Australia used. If it helps, he sounded like a woggy version of Seinfeld, so use that voice in your head. Ok, here goes:


'Don't you hate when people make that 'refreshed' noise after they've taken a sip of a drink?

You know the.... *makes noise*.

If you're that refreshed, why don't you FUCK OFF?!!'


Yep, that's the joke. In case you missed it, the punchline was 'fuck off'. BOOM BOOM BOOM!!

But that's not all. What do you do after you make an awesome joke? You milk it for all it's worth. Flushed with the success of using a swear word to get cheap fucking laughs, he keeps going. First, he soaks in the 0.6 seconds of laughs. Then, he attacks.

He throws in some kind of lame set-up that I forget, then does a bit of sign language for ten seconds to stunned silence, then says a joke so funny, so well-timed, so poignant, that it left us all gobsmacked. He finishes his sign language then says.....


'I just mimed FUCK OFFFF!!!'.


brilliance.


ComedianwhosenameIforget, I take my hat off to you, sir.

What's the deal with airline peanuts -
if you can't open the pack, why don't you fucckkk offff?!

4-8-15-16-23-42

For those of you who watch Lost and need a fix before it returns in October (or February if you watch it on Seven), the Lost Experience has been running for the past few months. Basically, it's a bunch of websites, videos and real-life stuff that delves into the geekier, less TV-worthy side of the Lost story. Like what DHARMA stands for, who is on the board of the Hanso Corporation and why Jack is such a little crybaby girl bitch who needs to get smacked by Eko's Jesus Stick.

Eh-lo

None of the stuff revealed so far has been that interesting, but they've just released a video explaining the Lost numbers (4,8,15,16,23,42) from Alvar Hanso himself. And no, it's not how much Hurley weighs in kilograms. LOL FATTYBAM!@#


If you don't know who Alvar Hanso is, or you don't even like Lost, please find this video of a fat lady falling down a hole.

Americans are Emmy Stupid

So, I was watching The Emmy Awards live on Fox8 earlier today. Conan O'Brien hosted, so it was immediately the best awards show ever. Even better than those fake, unfunny awards people give out at Year 12 Formals. I still can't believe I missed out on Most Likely To Become A Carrot. Hilarious.

Anyway, Jack Bauer won an Emmy for Best Actor in a Drama, and 24 won for Best Fucking Television Show Ever, so that's all good. West Wing tied Hill Street Blues for most Emmys won by a single show, Ari from Entourage won and Jennifer Love-Hewitt wore a low cut dress, so you can't really go wrong.

Kiefer than used the two statues to take down four hostiles and save the life of William Shatner

Unless, of course, you're an idiot.

Yesterday, 49 people died when a small airliner crashed in Kentucky. At the start of the Emmys, Conan O'Brien did one of those 'host visits tv show set' skits, interacting with the people from The Office, Dr. House, Dateline and yes, Lost. Lost features a plane crash. Conan crashed onto the Lost island, in a plane.

So, of course, Conan was making fun of dead people. News sites around America scrambled to blame NBC and Conan for this horrible crime.

RANDOM EMOTION: CAPITAL LETTERS MEANS IT'S IMPORTANT

In light of this news, and the tragic events of September the 11th, 2001, television shows will no longer feature buildings. The London bombings a year ago have brought an end to production of Law and Order: Train Fine Unit, and Gambit will not be in the next X-Men movie, because he's a Cajun and New Orleans got hit by a hurricane. And Storm won't be in it either. Not because she uses hurricanes as weapons, but because she's shit.

Yes, 49 people died in Kentucky yesterday. It's terribly sad, I feel sorry for everyone involved, but leave Conan out of it.


Take that, America

It's just coming up on Spring here, which means over in America it's coming up on the Fall, because they like to name seasons after intransitive verbs. And that means it's time for the To Drop or Come Down Freely Under The Influence Of Gravity TV Season!

And TV ROCKS!

The Fall sees the premiere of all the new shows, and the return of all the old shows. It's like one giant party, and all your favourite characters are there. Locke from Lost and Dr. House are having the coolest conversation ever, all the people from Law and Order are having a game of snooker, and Jack Bauer is beating the shit out of that Horatio cock from C.S.I: Miami. But, this party is a little crowded. For every Lost, there's an N.C.I.S. For every 24, a How I Met Your Mother.

So, let Tommy cut through the crap and take you on a journey through the very best shows you will be downloading in the next few months...


Returning Shows


The Unit

Starring Dennis Haysbert (Palmer from 24), The Unit hasn't yet aired in Australia, but should be on Channel Seven very soonish. It's about a group of special forces soldiers, their wives at home and the foreign-looking people they kill. The action scenes are awesome, and even the plots involving their ladies back home are pretty sweet. Mainly because the T-1000 from Terminator 2 is banging one of the soldier's wives. Have you seen this show?


Psyched Factor: 8/10


Lost

Season 2 of Lost didn't end on a cliffhanger so much as a blank, confused stare. Though it was way more satisfying than the 'People looking down a hatch' end of Season 1, it left you with more questions than a Trivial Pursuit air-drop. Are Michael and Walt ever coming back? Did Eko, Desmond and Locke survive the Hatch Explosion? The answers to those questions, and plenty more, will be revealed now. Only Walt, and yes, they're alive. LOL SPOILED

But srsly, this season of Lost features new castmembers, more romance and a whole lot less Ana-Lucia, so it's gotta be good. I'm very aroused.

Psyched Factor: 9/10


Prison Break

Prison Break ended huge last season, with the escapees being pursued by cops, dogs, cars and helicopters. Apparently, this season starts a few hours after the end of the finale, so you'd figure they got away. The bitch Vice-President got promoted, there's a new character trying to find Schofield and the escapees, and Haywire stole a kid's bike. Because they're... not actually in prison anymore, the show has been renamed Prison Break: Manhunt. Makes more sense than Season 2's original title - Prison Break: We Didn't Think This Show Would Last More Than A Season.


Psyched Factor: 7/10


South Park

Just for the reason that while South Park has been on hiatus, Tom Cruise had a baby, Mel Gibson blamed the Jews for wars and the JonBenet Ramsay case got a new twist (turns out it wasn't a Puerto Rican), this season has more material than a Spotlight store. So hot.




Psyched Factor: 7/10


New Shows


Heroes

A total eclipse shrouds the earth, and gives a bunch of people super-powers. A hot chick becomes invulnerable, an artist finds out he can see the future, a beat cop develops telepathy, and a Japanese guy can stop time, yet still can't drive very well. It has a hint of Lost about it, with a big, varied cast and lots of supernatural stuff. As long as nobody jumps into a cape straight away, it should be a good show, especially when all the new heroes get together and form a hero alliance and battle dinosaurs.

Has an all-star cast, including household names like Sendhil Ramamurthy, Noah Gray-Cabey and Hayden Panettiere. I guess the casting director didn't get super powers. BAM!

Psyched Factor: 7/10


The Vanished

A creepy thriller from the creator of CSI about Sara Collins, the wife of an American Senator who vanishes while at a public function. Who took her? Why did they take her, a woman with seemingly no enemies? Was it the Terminator, sent back in time to apprehend Sara Conner, but he wrote the name on his hand in ink and it smudged so he took Sara Collins instead? Why have I made two Terminator references in one blog?

Apparently, there are hints of a Freemason conspiracy, and based on the accompanying picture - explosions.

Psyched Factor: 6/10


Studio 60 On The Sunset Strip

From Aaron Sorkin, the guy who made The West Wing. Has Chandler from Friends. Is about a sketch comedy show. If you didn't immediately want to watch this show after I said 'From the guy who made The West Wing', die in a fire.





Psyched Factor: 8/10


Jericho

Out of the entire bunch, Jericho should be of most interest to us Aussies because Channel Ten is going to air it on the same day as CBS in America. Meaning you don't have to put up with a six-month wait and hearing your annoying mate go on and on about how awesome this new Jericho show he downloaded was. Hell, you could kill him right now and nobody would know.

Jericho tells the story of a small, peaceful Kansas town, plunged into chaos following a nuclear explosion in the distance. With the power and communication lines down, the town's residents are forced to wonder if they're the only Americans alive, and if so, who will bomb the Middle East now? Stars Skeet Ulrich, the PG-13-Rated boyfriend from Scream who turned out to be a psycho.

Not the one who said 'Liver Alone!', the other one.

The hot one.

Psyched Factor: 7/10



That's just a hand-picked sample of the most interesting shows. There's also a TV version of Friday Night Lights, a new season of the greatest reality show ever Hogan Knows Best, and of course - WWE Smackdown.


Enjoy your Fall, I hope you don't get HURT


RO-FALL-MAO!@#