Even the animals are weird in China

take that, darwin

what the fuck

Fat Chicks In YouTube Hats

It's not often that Matt and I combine our bad jokes into one blog. It's even less often that we resort to copy/pasting our only-funny-to-us MSN convos rather than actually writing something with form and cohesion. Only the most special of special people deserve such a treatment, and we've stumbled upon another.

Her name is debalicious17. And she's licious alright.


Fat-o-licious.


You HAVE to see this video. I will embed it, so you have no choice.




Matt says...
oh my
she thinks she got laid
no way
if she did she killed someone

Tommy says...
hahaha

Matt says...
she looks like she's made out of lava lamp juice
like if her chin hit the rest of her body she would merge into herself

oh god she heard me

Of course, we're not the first ones to discover deb. She's got hundreds of thousands of views, and pantloads of comments. Some support her, (because regular bras can't) and others criticise her for being cranky and fat. Other comments are just totally awesome.




Tommy says...
i like how a few of the comments say people should be judged on their inside appearance
like, did you see the video?
she's fat inside too

Matt says...
hahaha
her line about the comments bagging her out
'when you go into judgement day he's going to bring all this stuff up'
like judgement day is just like a conversation with god that gets really awkward

Tommy says...
hehe

Matt says...
'oh yeah man i saw that game last weekend, that was great'
'yes i know i created that game'
'oh yeah you did too, nice work'
'yes, by the way, you raped your sister when you were 9'

Tommy says...
haha
i wonder if st. peter is subscribed to daxflame



At this part in the video, fatty's phone rings, and she pulls it out from somewhere off camera.

no no, the phone is not for dinner

Matt says...
like
her phone just rang
i thought she sat on a singer

Tommy says...
hahaha
she totally pulls it out of her

Tommy says...
well, one of them

Matt says...
haha
and there is clearly someone else in the room
and every time she turns on the camera
her phone 'just happens' to ring
its obviously a set up

Tommy says...
probably her feeder


But that's not the worst of it. debilicious17 has a few more videos on YouTube. There's one that we couldn't resist watching, involving a Winnie The Pooh denim moo-moo (a Pooh-moo), and what appears to be an accidental striptease from debalicious. Accidental like the fourteen cream buns she 'accidentally' ingested before making these videos.



For those of you who don't want to watch the video, I'll post a picture of the most horrifying thing I've ever seen on the internet, and I've seen TubGirl.




Matt says...
ok, its official, my penis is now just for show

Tommy says...
i just got a boner

* Matt has left the conversation.



Ok, that last part may not have happened. But you try coming up with a better ending that doesn't involve a boner. I dare you.

Two Sort-Of Freaky Heads Are Better Than One Completely Freaky Head

OK, brace yourselves, people. I know that, lately, I've been posting a whole lot of weird stuff and videos you'd probably prefer never to have been exposed to, but once I'm involved in something I don't quit until it's done. This is also why I am still campaigning for Sir William Lyne to become Australia's Prime Minister. Sorry, K-Rudd, Willy was here first.

Oh God, what a beard. You glorious bastard.

Anyway. Strap yourselves in. Batten down some fucking hatches.





Now, this whole 'two-headed' issue has brought up a number of questions I believe need answering.

When it comes to love and marriage, will they both have to love one dude and he'll be married to one? Or two? or something?

How many tits do they have?

Does their mother let them go out trick or treating for Halloween? If they knocked on my door I would be scared shitless and try to hit them with a shovel. Or, best costume ever award.

So is it incest if they, uh, yeah. We'll come back to that one later, maybe.

If one of them consents to a sexual act but the other doesn't, did a rape occur?

If they find they were abducted and neither consented to sex and were raped, do they charge the rapist with one count of rape or two?

They each control an arm, but what if one was right handed and the other was left handed? But, like, the wrong way around.

When you call them over, do you have to call both of them? I'm assuming you only need to call one, because the other will always come with her, but is it rude not to call both?

Ooh, I got another one. If a vampire were to turn one of them but not the other, what would happen if she went out into the sun? Would part of her dissolve into ash and then she's normal? Shit the girl has two hearts, which one do you stake?

If they make out with one another, is that incest or masturbation?

If one of them masturbates, she's fingering her sister. So they'd have to discuss when to masturbate. What if one's in the mood to and the other one doesn't want to? Fuck. There are too many questions.

I'm also guessing every porn site on the internet will be bidding for them to do some type of porn once they turn legal.

If they have a kid who is the mother? I hereby demand to know what happens if one wants an abortion and the other doesn't.

Can they breed and make a race of two-headed people.

Who wipes the ass?

How are they allowed to drive? I'd fucking wreck the shit out of my car if I saw that on the road, because I'd fucking flip out. That shit is crazy.

What if Nazis opened up the Ark of the Covenant in front of them and one looked while the other didn't? OR, what happens if one drank from a false Grail while the other drank from the real Grail?

Would mutual simultaneous oral sex with them be called a 68?

If one of them ever commited a crime, would she be jailed? I mean, the other one is innocent.

If they have two stomachs, do both need to eat?

If one punches the other in the face, do both feel it? Maybe they could just have an arm wrestling contest.

If they got glasses, would the kids at school call them 'eight-eyes'?

If you kick a soccer ball in the air near them, do you still say 'heads up'?

Do they kiss each other on the lips when they sleep?

What if one's in deep, deep sleep, and the other has to pee?

Can one of them hold their breath indefinately because the other one will be oxygenating their blood?

If they go underwater, can they stay under extra long because they have more lungs?

Do you think you could convince one that the other is secretly plotting against her?

If one converts to Judaism is the other one allowed to eat pork? Actually, look at them, do you think God cares?

What happens if they both turned their heads around at the same instant and clashed heads? Could you say you just saw someone headbutt themselves?

OK, seriously, I have to stop now. I'm giving myself an aneurysm.

Woops

Former President Ford dies at 93
December 27, 2006 - CNN.com


So like, I'm either very, very psychic, or I just killed Gerald Ford by making a joke about him dying on my blog on Tuesday. Like... blog... then 12 hours later - death. Do my powers only kill 93 year old ex-Presidents? Or can I extend them to... oh, I dunno, 67 year old current Prime Ministers? Or Daryll Sommers?

Anyway, R.I.P Mr. Ford. You are my favourite President because you had nachos and watched football with Homer Simpson in that episode I liked.

i'm baaaaaaaaaaaack...