The God Squad

Now, we all promised not to speak again of The Breakfast Club Incident. Derek Granger is a good friend of this blog, and his off-mic, curse-filled diatribe was merely a blip on the radar of his twenty-year career. We've all moved past it, and now Derek's completed his mandatory community service, so has he.

But some people just can't let it go. Take Pastor Tommy, the host of The God Squad, Baulkham Hills #1 Christian Radio show. Here's a photo of Pastor Tommy, leading at his most recent Youth AWESOME! camp

The only thing cooler than a sideways visor cap is Jesus

Pastor Tommy dedicated his entire show last Tuesday to Granger's accidental blasphemy, firing the first salvo in what will certainly be a long war between the two completely real radio hosts.

Take a listen.

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Audio Blog: HorseFaceGate

Yes, as if a 10-comment extravaganza wasn't enough, HorseFace/TommyIsARacistGate has been picked up by the mainstream media.

Listen to this story, which was on Channel Nine's morning bulletin.


Warning: Contains Bad Impressions



props to dj locu for hosting

And they say that a Latham will save us

We Now Resume Regular Average Blogging


Since I've been embroiled in the CageFight for the last week, I've missed a few things. Peter Brock died for one. Famous deaths always come in threes, so with Steve Irwin and Brockie taking the first two spots, I'm sure Molly Meldrum is getting a little nervous.

I also never got a chance to write about how the Government and the Opposition got together in a show of bi-partisan unity, proving that they are actually focused on serving the public rather than petty political squabbles, when they voted last week to...... Give themselves a pay rise.

Well, kinda.

They bumped up the Parliamentary Super-Annuation contribution back to the level it was pre-Latham. Remember that? When Latham got Howard to buckle and cut his mates wages? That was hot. And now it's gone. Gone like Latham. Gone like my dreams.

Gone like Molly Meldrum.

It was the only picture of a politician I had left on my computer

The pollies reckon it's because the more attractive the salary, the better quality politicans we get. After all, as Bob Carr has shown, politicians can get a shitload of cash in the private sector, which they can then spend on fancy houses and mail-order brides (as Bob Carr has also shown). I don't really get that logic.

Call me Chief Crazy Pants, but I'd like to think people go into politics to serve their country. Only getting paid $150k or so, plus super (and a parliamentary pension when you're done) seems like a pretty good deal to me. Though, when you're unemployed, $2 an hour to sponge-bath Casey Donovan sounds like a good deal too.

When you've got petrol, and the footy finals, and Iraq, and interest rates, and Irwin and Brockie, politicians giving themselves a few extra bucks doesn't seem like a big deal. But if we don't make a fuss about it, they'll just keep screwing us over like an Iraqi camel.

For the record, writing a blog for my double-digit readership = making a fuss about it.

AM I LATE FOR THE GANG RAPE?!

I mentioned the footy finals before. I quit my tipping comp because it was shit and full of cocks (I was losing), but I'm a gun at finals tipping. Like, seriously. To prove it, I recorded an audio blog with my tips for last weekend's NRL games. Needless to say, I was 4/4. You're probably thinking to yourself that I just recorded it today, but I couldn't possibly have done that. That's crazy talk. You should stop talking so crazy or I'll just stop talking to you.

You can listen to TOMMY'S NRL FINAL TIPS here.

You've all heard the news. I don't know how I found the strength to write this blog and record this interview, but I did. Ladies and Gentlemen, a TommyIsCoolDotCom exclusive, the Latham Interview: Post-Trial Edition.

Download it as an mp3 here or as a zip here.

World's Greatest Photoshop

Tommy's Persiflage

So, I saw how many hits Samuel Gordon Stewart gets on his blog right. And specifically, how many hits his Persiflage podcast gets. So, I thought, let's jump on that bandwagon while it's hot. Let's make my own Persiflage, just like my hero, Baulkham Hills Community Radio legend Derek Granger.

Derek 'The Gentleman' Granger

So, I did it. I hired a studio, an audio technician and a hooker. All in all, it cost me $14,000 (plus the anti-biotics), but it was worth every penny.

Take a listen of Tommy's Persiflage

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It's March 10th, and you know what that means!!


IT'S IMPERSONATE AARON NEVILLE DAY!!!

He doesn't know much, but he knows he loves youuuu

As is customary, find my Aaron Neville impression here

I think it's common knowledge by now that I have a good relationship with former Opposition Leader, and the Prime Minister of my heart, Mark Latham. In light of his recent brush with the law, I decided to give Marky Mark a buzz, and see what was happening. What followed was perhaps the most troubling, least convincing phone call of my life.



Ladies and Gentlemen, I give to you the 437th Mark Latham Interview. Download as an .mp3 here, or a .zip here.

I don't know if you guys do the same thing, but each Christmas I round up all the little kids in my extended family and read them 'The Night Before Christmas' by Clement Clarke Moore. Of course, if you've read or heard the classic tale, you'll probably know it's a little bit out of date. Today's kids are a little harder to win over, so when I read it, I update it a little. Only a tiny bit, just enough to make it modern without ruining the heart of the story.

I recorded it, if anybody is interested. It's a nice thing to play to the little tackers. Hope you like it too.

Download the mp3 here or the .zip here.

You may or may not know this, but in spite of my player hating towards John Howard and the Liberal Party, I'm actually pretty well connected on that side of the aisle. Which is why when the Libs needed a voice over artist for their latest round of Work Choices commercials, they turned to me. So here it is, it should be on radio soon, but I'll give you guys a sneak peek.


I call him J-Ho

Download the mp3 here

Or the .zip here

The pain continues on EMO WEEK 2005, with a special emo audio interview I recorded yesterday with former Opposition Leader and ocassional emo Mark Latham


My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard

He was late so I cut myself



Download the mp3 emo here (link may die like a cutter who goes too far in a week or so)

Or the .zip emo file here

You know those warnings before a television show, where it will tell you the show's classification (G, PG, M, MA etc)? Well there must have been some new legislation or something, because they seem to be including EVERYTHING these days. On theComedyChannel on Foxtel, if a program is rated M they include every single thing it could possibly have (course language, drug use, nudity, sexual references, violence) so they don't have to record seperate ones for each show.

And I was watching Channel Seven late the other night, and it's just gotten beyond a joke. Luckily I recorded it. Take a listen, be careful though because it gets quite rude.

If that doesn't work download it from here.

And if that doesn't work kill yourself

I don't often like sharing this information, but I have a few contacts in the upper echelons of al-Qaeda. I know that's frowned upon these days, but most of them are pretty good blokes. Sure, Bin Laden is a little fruity, and Sami Mohammed Ali Said al-Jaaf murders the ocassional person if they call him 'jaffa', but they're fun to party with. And aside from tip-offs about strikes in major capital cities (I'd stay away from Adelaide for a few weeks btw), I also get unprecedented access to their media interviews. Normally they record them in their cave/Channel Nine studios in Willoughby, then send them via camel to Al-Jazeera, the Arab News Network. But sometimes they send them to me first.


What happened to the other half of his vest

So here it is folks, hot off the presses, an exclusive speech from al-Qaeda second-in-command, Ayman Al-Zawahri! I speak a little bit of Arab, so I was able to do a rough translation over the top of his speech. Hope you find it as interesting as ASIO eventually will when they arrest me and repossess my computer.

Download the mp3 here, or the zip here if that doesn't work.

NSW Premier Bob Carr resigned earlier today. Because when news breaks, the big names come to TommyIsCoolDotCom, I secured his very first interview since the resignation. It is literally hot off the presses, and the biggest single scoop in the history of journalism since the Telegraph got the pictures of Lleyton and Bec's wedding.


Shall we shag now or shag later

Download it here, or if that link doesn't work, you can get it here.

Apparently some people think my Bush impression was shit. Some people think it was even worse than my killer Latham impression. So you know what? I'm going to prove the haters wrong. This week's audio interview is an absolute, pitch-perfect Bush impression. If you can find one single flaw in how I copy his voice, I will give you five dollars.

So without further ado, my return interview with the most powerful monkey in the world, George W Bush (seen here with his scientific advisor)


Use the force, George

The mp3 can be downloaded here

Or if it's broken, you can download a zip file of the interview here

If you thought my audio interview with Mark Latham was big news, you ain't seen nothing yet. Or should I have said 'heard nothing yet'. Oh well who gives a shit, because I INTERVIEWED THE PRESIDENT BABAY!#@w



Yeah you read that right, you better pick your jaws up from off the ground because otherwise ants will crawl in them. Yeah.

So here it is, the second TommyIsCoolDotCom audio interview, and the ONLY interview with President Bush on a blog since the dawn of time -

Download here


(or if that one doesn't work, download here)

(or if that one doesn't work, record your own damn interview)

See, I'm not the kind of guy who's happy just to let technology pass him by. If I'm going to get celebrities like Elisha Cuthbert's Nipples to post blog articles, damn it I'm going to take advantage of it. So that is why, I present to you, the very first TOMMYISCOOLDOTCOM AUDIO INTERVIEW

And the first cab off the rank (no pun intended) is FORMER OPPOSITION LEADER AND ALMOST-PRIME MINISTER OF AUSTRALIA.... THE HONOURABLE MARK LATHAM!!



Click here to download, it's an mp3 so it should play on anybody's comp. If not then leave a comment and I'll see what I can do.

You can also download a zip of it, it's about half the size and all pretty and zipped, and won't cock up like the top download in seven days.