OMG grab the hard hats, it's two political blogs in a row
Howard vs Costello
The Jerry Springer Years
Like the guy who assassinated Austro-Hungarian Archduke Franz Ferdinand (lol same name as the band you should make a joke about that tommy), former Defence Minister Ian McLachlan released a note about a leadership agreement between Howard and Costello, and started a
WAR! Except rather than battles and explosions, it's press conferences, and
MEETINGS!
Who would have thought a hand-written note from 1994 would cause so much trouble? More importantly, who keeps hand-written notes from 1994?
The tiff really started
after the note was released. Faced with the chance to deliver a fatal blow to the giant gaping hole where John Howard's heart was before he privatised it, Costello told the throng of press that the contents of the note were factual. Right after Howard had denied an understanding/agreement/deal was ever agreed upon.
And then, in perhaps the most ironic sentence ever, Peter Costello, full-time politician and the second-in-command of a Government that lies and misleads eight times before it gets out of bed in the morning, said...
My parents always told me, if you have done nothing wrong you have got nothing to fear by telling the truth, and I told the truth.
First off Pete, you're a
Liberal Party member. You don't have parents. You were bred in an underground gestation chamber.
Second, you're a
politician. Shut the fuck up about telling the truth. If you told the truth, you wouldn't be the Deputy Leader of the fucking
Liberal Party.
And don't think you're getting off easy, Howard. The man who can't recall absolutely any meeting where his government may or may not have known about children being thrown from a boat, or may or may not have known about the AWB paying kickbacks to a moustached dicator, or who may or may not have known about every single fucking thing he's ever said or done in his life (including the conception of his children), can remember precisely the events of a meeting
twelve years ago.
So what does this, the biggest break-up since Dr. Karl and Susan on
Neighbours, mean for the country? Well... not much. Howard will probably stick around longer, so he doesn't look like he's scared of a twelve-year old note. Costello just screwed his already-slightly screwed chances of becoming a lame duck Prime Minister, and somewhere, Mark Latham is rubbing his hands with delight.
But like Superman returning to his Fortress of Solitude, or a stupid cock of a short bald snivelling lying little Prime Minister resigning, John Howard must eventually leave politics. And who will replace him? Can Costello, after being F'd in the A by his party and the media for calling on Howard to resign yesterday? Can Tony Abbott, who wants to privatise women's uterus'? Can Brendan Nelson, or Alexander Downer, both of whom sound gay when they speak?
Quite simply, no.
There is only one hope for the Liberal Party. Like the scent of a
recycled joke wafting in the breeze, this particular candidate is the safe option. When the rest of the contenders fall, there will only be man left standing.
Goat.
Vote Goat.
