Oscar's Fashion (apostrophe incorrectly placed)

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WATCH OUT BERNICE - BERT HAS A HAMMER

Ladies and gentlemen (okay, mostly gentlemen), I have something awesome to show you.

This is my friend Bernice, and he has a video blog. Recently someone sent him quite a mean message which he didn't take well to. This was his response:



Did you hear that? 'Y'all are the ones who don't know things'. He sure stuck it to us. But, in the guy's defence, it is fun to watch stupid people.

Demonstration:


This kid is a school shooting waiting to happen. In about two years he's going to take out his whole school with a semi-automatic whilst draped in the skin of dead prostitutes. But first, more videos:



^^ Damn man, Bernice has some smooooooth mutha fuckin' moves, dawg. If you ask me, the only way she could have come on to him more was by taking off his blazer and button-up shirt and licking his two neck moles.



^^ This one is worth watching just for the first twenty seconds. Like, he had me fooled at first and I thought it was just great timing that he turned on his camera at the exact right time that there was an earthquake, but then it all goes horribly wrong...





^^ Bernice heads out and totally smokes some thugs on the b-ball court, yo.



^^ Bernice makes a slight error in his friend selection. This 'Jacob' kid sounds like he's way too uptight. Also:



The following are Bernice's two 'motion pictures'.

Superman (Better than the original and way hotter too):




DO BIRDS FLY? TIME TO SHAVE THE DAY!

And 'Cool Moves':




ARE YOU READY? I DON'T THINK YOU ARE!

With that, I leave you to roam Bernice's profile (make sure to check out the time Jacob came over), but I will point out one final thing:

HE TUCKS HIS JACKET INTO HIS PANTS!!

I HAVE A NEW GOD




* Yes, we are aware that this is most likely fake, but the kid's obviously such a genius actor with a gift for comedy gold and reminded us so much of a young Bert Newton with Asperger's Syndrome that we thought we'd make a blog about it anyway.

WARNING: THIS POST IS ABOUT PENISES

Whilst cruising the Internet on my daily search for foreskin-related information, I stumbled across the following - http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/africa/6355447.stm and figured it would make a swell Valentine's Day Eve blog for you guys and break up the dull monotony of Tommy's politics posts. Incidentally, Tommy plans to spend Valentine's Day the same way he does every year, jerking off into a sock puppet whilst looking at pictures of Mark Latham. But now, on to the article:

Uncircumcised pupils sent home
A Kenyan secondary school has sent home 20 boys because they were not circumcised, saying it feared they would be bullied by other students.

"Please do the needful within two weeks and let your son report back to school with you immediately he is well," a letter to parents from the school said.

Circumcision is not obligatory for admission to secondary school.

Now, this article raises a few concerns for me. Before we get into all that, though, there’s something you should know about me. I myself am circumcised. I didn’t do it for religious reasons, I did it for the ladies. Back when I was just a baby (I could speak whilst I was still in the womb) I was well aware I was going to grow up to be the smooth, fly playa that we all know and love today and that, if I was ever going to be able to meet my potential, I was going to have to have a cock that didn’t look like an alien freak stick.


This was one of the few SFW images I found when I searched for 'circumcision'.

But, my own personal prejudices aside, what the shit is this school thinking? I don’t know how things work in Africa (most of my knowledge of African society I learned from that movie Blood Diamond and I’m not even sure that that was set in Africa), but this was not a common schoolyard conversation back when I was a little tacker:

"Hey, I’m new here, can I play with you guys?"
"Whip out your cock first."
"Wai...what?"
"Just do it."
*unzip*
"A TURTLENECK! GET IM, FELLAS!”
*Severe beating ensues*

I never heard shit go down like that once, but I can imagine it’s really hard to defend yourself from a beating when your dick is hanging out of your pants. The really worrying thing here is how exactly the school found out that these kids hadn’t had the big ‘snip’. Or, in the case of African society, the big ‘repeated smashing with a dull rock’.


Jus sittin' here, chillin' after having my dick skin cut off.

Second, look at the letter this principal wrote. ‘Please do the needful’. Either that’s a thinly veiled request to the parents to go outside and start boning a few homeless people or this school ain’t worth shit anyways. ‘Let your son report back to school with you immediately he is well’. This African school must use text books called ‘Let’s Use Gooder English’ and ‘Lead Poisoning: The Benefits You Weren’t Aware Of’. I mean, this sounds like one of those Nigerian scam emails but instead of your bank details they want your bloody foreskin.


Yo, we be kickin' it old school.

Not to mention that circumcision on infants is fairly commonplace and is basically a perfected art. Actually, now that I think about it, ‘art’ may be a strong word. Or, if it isn’t I’m never going to another fucking art gallery in my life. Anyway, the thought I will leave you with here is: mishandled adolescent circumcision = stitches in your penis. Holy fucking ow.