So, looks like migrants wanting to become citizens might have to take English language tests and a quiz on Australian values and culture. Sounds fair enough, though I guess it depends on who writes the test. Let's just hope it's not the NSW Board of Studies, who will force would-be citizens to write a short essay on how post-modernism, the Australian experience and a picture of a fucking fractal represent 'change'. Or John Howard, who would include 14 questions about Don Bradman and 11 questions making sure you're not a member of a union.
But all in all, I think it's a good idea. I sent in my resume to the Government to see if I could write the quiz, but they've been sending back my mail ever since the time I sent them samples of my new 'Anthrax' Perfume. In retrospect, it wasn't the best choice for a name. And I probably shouldn't have chosen Lakemba Mosque as the return address. God, I really fucked that up. I never should have gotten into the perfume business. Grandfather told me I'd never get out alive.
What wasn't a good idea however, was A Current Affair doing a story about migrants becoming citizens. If you read that quickly it looks like 'midgets becoming citizens', which is hilarious because they're not really people.
Up next, we investigate the dodgy Lebanese builders who built my enormous jaw
In typical ACA style, the story was fair, balanced, non-discriminatory and above all, educational. It went a little something like this:
- Voice over of slightly-outraged reporter describing the Citizenship Test proposal (20 seconds)
- Shots of Muslim chicks in burqas from far away, with the foreground blurry so they look like trouble (5 seconds)
- Interview with a respected, well-dressed academic who supports the English tests (1 minute)
- Interview with a woggy guy in a t-shirt in his backyard talking about how he doesn't support the test because his Dad can't speak English (10 seconds in order to present a balanced story)
- More shots of brown people (20 seconds)
- Outraged reporter asking wogs questions about Australia that 60% of white Australians wouldn't be able to answer because they weren't about Big Brother or Schapelle Corby (1.5 minutes)
- 'I tried asking this man a question, but he couldn't even understand basic English' (4 seconds)
- More shots of brown people (5 seconds)
See, this is what you learn when you don't watch Neighbours for one night.
6 comments:
i found ACA's exposition on the differences of scale's accuracies within carious supermarkets both accurate and balanced. they provide a public service that is both necessary and enlightening. i insist that you remove this post immediately
you better fucking not write a fucking blog about today fucking tonight you fucking inept shit
And fucking 2 right. Sure media is meant to be unbiased but we all know it isn’t, and if your watching ACA for real and unbiased reporting your a fuckin moron.
It’s basically a crowd pleaser it shows what the majority of Aussies want to see. And if that is suggestive racism so be it. Racism similar to stereotypes is there for a reason.
didn't say i was watching aca for unbiased stories. that's how current affairs shows work, and its what people like and tv is a business and blah blah blah
but just because everyone knows and accepts that they're shit and biased doesn't mean i can't make a quick little blog about how they're shit and biased. it's my freedom of speach
I would have recommended at least 5 seconds of flash backs to the twin towers falling and brown people with runs.
But hey I'm a traditionalist.
How would you test for Australian values? Imagine if we had this testing in place in the past, most of the well known people from our history would have been refused entry to this country. Can you tell me what Australian values are? What shall we do with all the aussies that can't read and write? I want to say so much more but I really can't be bothered today, and we discussed it to death elsewhere.
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