tommyiscooldotcom

Tommy's Guide To The NRL FINALS!

Well folks the Top 8 in the National Rugby League has been decided, so what better time to guide you through finals football than now. The finals kick off tomorrow night and I know some of you aren't exactly up to speed about footy, so here is a short brief on all the teams.

1. Parramatta Eels


We start off with the Minor Premiers, the Parramatta Eels. Named after world famous South African golfer Ernie Eels, the Eels were founded sometime during the Depression and represent the island of Parramatta. Their captain, Nathan Kayless was rescued from the Gobi desert by Parramatta legend/explorer Peter "Fatty" Sterling. The Eels are many people's favourities to go all the way. They are not, however, many people's favourites to win the NRL Premiership.

2. St-George Illawarra Dragons


After continental drift merged the suburb of St George with the Illawarra region in 1999, the two clubs formed a joint-venture. The club made the grand final in their first year as a merged entity, disproving the notion that two wrongs don't make a right. The Dragons then lost the Grand Final, proving the notion that two wrongs don't make a right. With their captain Trent Bartlet and experienced forwards like Lance Chompson, the Dragons are many people's picks to win in 2005. The Dragons distinctive 'red V' playing strip is a homage to the glory days of St George, where the human players were replaced by the letter V.

3. Brisbane Broncos


Led by captain Daryl Lockyer, the Broncos were the Premiership front-runners for most of 2005. However, poor end-of-season form saw them slump to third place, while a poor end-of-season formal saw them get dressed in suits and dance. The Broncos are one of the most successful teams of the last two decades, with their last competition win coming in the year 2000. Head coach Wayne Bonetti is hoping to replicate the Bronco's 2000 season, leading many to question just exactly when he built a working time machine and if he could take them back to the year 1999 to warn Britney Spears she is going to get fat.

4. West Tigers


Another joint-venture club, the West Tigers were formed after the merger of 'We' and 'st Tigers'. This is the club's first finals berth since becoming a merged entity, having previously given berth via caesarean. With plenty of young guns like Benjimin Mashral and Scott Pounce, the West Tigers can either win the Premiership or be arrested for possession of lethal weapons without a permit. The sentimental favourite. Also the supplemental favourite, with supplementaries of 3 and 25. Lotto Strike numbers are 8, 36, 22 and 4.

5. North Queensland Cowboys


Named after the cocksucking shot of the same name, the North Queensland Cocksuc-Cowboys were only one game short of the Grand Final last year, and hope to go one further by being two games short of the Grand Final this year. With bustling forward 'Dr' Karl Webb suspended by the NRL Judiciary for possession of a boogy board bag full of marijuana, the Cowboys chances are about as slim as a Hurricane Katrina victim inside the Louisiana Superdome shitwaytoosoon i better delete that one before I post this

6. Melbourne Storm


Named after the shitty weather that plagues that shithole of a city, the Melbourne Storm are one of the most successful, and least popular clubs of the modern era. Storm crowds have increased upon last season's average however, when Bill finally convinced his wife to come to their Round 6 game against the Eels. Captain Robin Kearns is the oldest NRL captain at the age of 47, and the team hopes to send him out a winner by getting him traded to a team like the Dragons or Eels who actually have a chance of winning the Premiership.

7. Cronulla Sharks


After great early season form, the Sharks were once many people's tip to win the Premiership. These people being idiots. The Sharks have never won a first-grade Premiership in their decades of existence. The phone number for Shark's headquarters is 1800-101010, that being one eight hundred WON NOTHING WON NOTHING WON NOTHING. Captained by Brett SHITFUCKINGGODAMNWHYDDIDYOUTHROWTHATFUCKINGPASS Krimmorlay, the Sharks are just shit really.

8. Manly-Warringah Sea Eagles


AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA




This concludes Tommy's Guide to the NRL Finals.


p.s go roosters