Return To Maxipad - A guest blog.

Less than sixth months after his last expedition (read that here), prominent TommyIsCool guest blogger REDACTED returned to Maxipad Island a few days ago. This is his guest blog.

It was the last thing he ever wrote.

MAXIPAD IS-LAND 2:
JOURNEY TO THE CENTRE OF THE PLANET OF THE CRABS

Fresh Crab Claws with roasted sweet potato, served with a cold beer. After dinner enjoy a 30 year old port and a fine cigar. Sound like the menu of some shmancy restaurant? Guess again. It’s the food served up on the infamous MAXIPAD Island. (Tommy can thank me later for writing a blog with both "maxipad" and "crabs" in it, so he increases his sicko search hits from Google).

Yes, its uni holidays again, so it was time for another expedition north to re-claim the fabled land and determine whether anything was learnt from the last time we went. Several things improved the journey immensely, and only move to establish Maxipad as the number one holiday destination of the adventurous.

Firstly, we went in Summer, instead of the middle of Winter. This meant that we had several more hours of day, and several more degrees of temperature at night. We also changed what we took. We ditched the hammocks, water and machetes, and replaced them with a 30 pack of VB tins, sweet potatoes and a hatchet. Subtle differences I know, but they added hours of fun. We could spend time creating the greatest wind chime ever, or seeing how much we could chop out of a tree before it fell over.

not a tree - REDACTED's leg after a poorly aimed chop

But it didn’t stop there, Maxipad gets even better.

One of the downfalls of the last journey was that we left the cars in a conference centre about 7kms down the road, hence having to come up with methods to hitchhike. This time though, no plans were made. We found a caravan park right on the water, and just dumped the car. Much easier.

shots of beer cans to establish masculinity

We also figured out how to get food from the lake. Despite many hours spent fishing last time, we were overwhelmingly unsuccessful. This time, we realized that if you cover your hand with a sock, and kayak out just before it gets dark, you can find other peoples crab-pots and take out your own “Operation Crabi Freedom”.

However, crabs are quite difficult to get out of a crab net when its dark, you’ve been drinking, and you're sittting in a kayak. So I really recommend just teasing the crab till it trys to bite you between the wire, then grab its claw and pull. They are the best bit anyway. Just be a bit nice and leave every crab with at least one claw.


The only sad bit about Maxipad this time, was the absence of the softest person in the world, REDACTED. Our mate REDACTED talks trash about others being soft. Up at Nelson Bay several weeks ago, REDACTED would berate someone at four in the morning, wanting them to walk an hour in the rain for Maccas. But now, oh how the tables have turned.

I guess we should have seen this coming. Last time on the island you spread a tarp over your hammock, and brought a sleeping bag to keep warm at night. I think I even remember you taking a change of clothes. Why didn’t we see the signs?

You are as soft as REDACTEDis bitter (and likes cats), REDACTED. If they have computers made out of marshmallow in SoftLand, and you are reading this, just know, your name has been added to the “Soft Tree” on the island.

And there it will remain until you return to scrape it off.