Saddam - A Life Cut Short

Apparently, Saddam Hussein is going to be hung. Avid readers of my blog will remember this photo from 2005, which confirms that Saddam may have already been hung.

The Butcher of SagDad

But seriously folks, hanging is awesome. None of this namby-pampy electric chair/lethal injection/marathons of The Gilmore Girls they use in America. Hanging is straight up wicked awesome. The only thing cooler than a hanging is a guillotine, but the French would probably have a problem with that. They were, after all, Saddam's sugar daddies once America dumped him. They're also dicks.

Sure, the 'experts' reckon this will produce some new sectarian violence in Iraq, between the Sunnys and the Shits, but that should be the least of the world's concerns right now. New violence in Iraq is like a hamburger for Casey Donovan. The damage has been done. Stop eating hamburgers, Iraq.

The last known photo of Anthony Callea

(she ate him)

No, the most pressing concern at the moment should not be defusing years of religious tension and civil strife, or ensuring the Saddam hanging proceeds without renewed violence, it should be making sure we can all watch it live on television.

But here's the kicker. It should be broadcast only to all the Coalition of The Willing countries. Yes, suck a fat one, Germany. Or in your native tongue, sucken a fatten oneichlen, Germanica. We paid for this war, we caught Saddam, we shot our own soldiers in the head then covered it up just for this....this.... television extravaganza.

And it makes financial sense too. After all, America's blown a few billion in Iraq. Broadcast that shit live on NBC, get Jay Leno to host and you've got yourself a 80% household share and a few million bucks! And don't think Australia will miss out. Due to time zone differences, if they off Saddam in the morning, we're perfectly positioned for a live slot in prime-time!

Let Nine and Seven and Ten fight for the rights, maybe do a cross-network deal like the Tsunami Telethon. Eddie McGuire can host the start, Andrew O'Keefe can commentate, and Rove can get shot in the balls. It writes itself!

So tonight, as you pause and reflect before going to bed, say a prayer for the people of Iraq. And then say a prayer to the good lord Rupert Murdoch, that we will be able to see Saddam get his neck broken. In Foxtel's name we pray, amen.