Optimus Prime Rides A Girly Bike
So, I saw Transformers last night. Top movie. Explosions, robots and Shia LaBeouf being really Jewish. How can you go wrong?
Oh.
Well, anyway.. Transformers good. I wasn't particularly hyped for it, for the sole reason that aside from generally liking giant robots fighting other giant robots, I was never really into Transformers as a kid. I preferred M.A.S.K, or Hulk Hogan's Rock'N'Wrestling. I thought about it a little, and I've managed to come up with a list. So here it is...
Tommy's Top 4 Reasons Why He Doesn't Get Transformers
1. Latent hostility to the Japanese
2. I don't buy it.
They live on a robot planet, have a robot war, crash land on Earth and.. transform into cars? Can they only pick one thing? What use does transforming into a Mack Truck or a Volkswagon or a freaking cassette player do on your robot homeworld?
HAI GUYZ DONT WORRY I TOTALLY RECORDED THAT CONVERSATION3. The Names
Optimus Prime is a wicked name. So is Starscream. Even Ironhide is pretty cool. But... Bumblebee? Presumably, Bumblebee got named that on his home planet, so... are their many types of bees on you robot homeworld? Let alone enough to warrant an entire genus?
And you, Bonecrusher. Just a question for you - how many robots have bones? Fuckin' retard.
4. Decepticons?
I know they're the bad guys. I know it's a pretty sweet name for bad guys. But how is Megatron going to recruit new members when his faction's name has a synonym for 'betray' in the first few letters?
Hey
Oh hey Meggy You wanna join my team? Hmm... What's wrong? Is it Starscream? I know he can be a little handsy... No, it's not that... You sure, because I can tell him to stop? No, it's just the name. I mean... won't you like... deceive me, or something? No. But it's in your nam- No. I think I might join the Autobots instead. Fuck you, Bonecrusher.And so ends the list.
I had a crush on Jazz.
8 comments:
:(
Im horny
Im horny
Jazz was Hawt, but none sexier then
Starscream....That shitty voice, that massive chest, the rumble of his F-15...he can crash and burn in my butt any day of the week lawl!
did anyone else notice they had to kill the black transformer first? that was awesome
Two questions I want answered by thsi movie.
1 Do any transformers get FUBA?
2 WTF happens to Optimus Prime's trailer everytime he transforms?
Chook
1. Jazz get whaled by Megatron (you can see it in the trailer, this big heap of metal jumps on another, small piece of scrap and it makes this squeak noise)
2.His trailer was not included in the movie.That question belongs with a whole heap of others:
Where does Optimus' Trailer go? Why do the bad guys in the Power Rangers wait so patiently while the Zords drag their sorry asses to into formation? How come the Ninja turtles didnt get acne? They ate enough pizza? Didnt he-man ever get cold wearing only underpants? And so on and so forth.
I don't watch trailers...learnt years ago the best bits are on trailers. You watch a really good trailer 5 times = no need to see the movie.
Damn, was hoping the movie answered that crucial Transformers mystery.
Chook.
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