For today... today is our Independence Day.... Independence from... not smelling bad. Ok, fine, does anyone else want to do a speech?

On July the 1st, smoking will be banned in NSW pubs and clubs, or something like that. I don't know the details. All I know is, smokers are cunts. All of them. The only smokers that aren't cunts are those who look really cool doing it (see below), or soldiers in a battlefield or somewhere really cold, like Melbourne.

I don't know who this 'ANDA' chick is, but damn if that's not a cool pipe

And so I don't get called out for being a hypocrite, obviously the green stuff is excepted. Actually, all drugs of all kinds. Go for your life. I don't care if you strap up your arm Bauer-style and turn the Castle Hill RSL pokie lounge into a shooting room, as long as it doesn't make my shirts smell, you can inject entire opium fields. The Afghans need money, anyway.

Because essentially, that's what it comes down to. I don't really care how people live their lives. I don't really care that smokers are a multi-billion dollar burden on the health system. But if you make my shirt stink, you're a cunt.

A weak, dopey cunt, I might add, who thinks their meaningless life is so god damned stressful that they need to inhale toxic chemicals and are entitled to blow fumes into my awesome shirt that has a picture of a cartoon woodpecker with his beak stuck in a plank of wood that says 'my pecker is stuck' and i understand the connotation that my dick must get stuck in 'wood' and i don't appreciate you thinking about that while i'm talking about whatever it is i was talking about three lines ago

here, post a pic of an ugly chick to distract them long enough to forget you own a shirt that refers to your dick

And I know the counter-argument, that if we ban smoking we may as well ban junk food, or motorcycles, or asians. To that, I say no. Smokers are cunts. Don't you get it? I've said it like four times. Why ban junk food? Fat people aren't cunts. You fat-cist. Then I laugh cause I made a pun and fat people are funny because they are big and different and do that high-pitched squeal when they laugh.

And now the part where I end the blog with a callback, illustrating my depth of thought and clear, concise writing style

But at least they're not cunts.

nice one