Let's just hope there's no centrefold

Schapelle Corby is writing a book. Yes, it's true.

And you know what that means?


Schapelle Corby can write.

:O

There's a bit of a debate over whether she should be allowed to release the book, as it would constitute profiting from a crime. Which, coincidentally, is the same reason why you never see any books about John Howard winning the 2001 Federal Election.

I've posted quite a bit about old Schappers in the past, and don't think for one second she hasn't read those posts. My blog is HUGE in Bali prisons. And over the past year or so, Schapelle and I have struck up quite a friendship. She calls me Tombom, because I asked her. I think that's a wicked name. But that's how deep our friendship is. And, like all good mates, Shappo has given me a sneak peak at her new book, titled 'My Story'. Apparently, 'Cliched Biography Title: The Schapelle Corby Story' was taken.


Anyway, here's a peak at a few entries from...





October 8th, 2004 - Arrest.

Shit. Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit. Shit.

June 7th, 2005

Got a new lawyer today, Mum told me he's gotta be good because his first name is Hotman. He is brown, but he speaks Australian. He keeps talking about the link between the judishiary and the legislative arm of Government, but I can't stop looking at his hair. I don't think his name is actually Hotman, but he speaks too fast for me to fire him.

April 28th, 2005 - Trial

My legal team told me to chuck in some Indo when I made my final appeal to the judges. So I am going to say 'And your honour, I ask of you to show compassion, to find me innocent, to send me home. Saya tidak bersalah'.

May 27th, 2005 - Sentencing

Shit. Shit shit shit shit shit shit. Shit.

December 14th, 2005 - In Prison

I was speaking to one of the girls I share a cell with, who speaks Aussie. Turns out 'Saya tidak bersalah' doesn't mean 'I am not guilty', it means 'Fuck your mothers with a hunting knife'. I knew that bitch on my legal team was just messing with me.

January 1st, 2006

Happy New Year. Renae Lawrence got me a present - a few hair pins. Not much, but it's the best you can do in prison. She's a really nice girl. Always gives me hugs when I'm feeling down.

Renae after three hours of makeup

January 8th, 2006

Renae gave me another present today, it's not even my birthday. I haven't opened it yet, it's long - about the size of my arm. Looks like a big hot dog. I hope it's edible, this Indo food is shit. Maybe it's a really big spring roll?

January 9th, 2006

Ok, turns out Renae is a massive lesbian.

January 11th, 2006

I think I should give back the hair pins.

April 29th, 2006

Finally got a chance to surf the internet. I thought the computer was going to be made of bamboo, but apparently they have plastic in the Orient. Found some Aussie guy's blog, he put pictures of me in other pictures but I never was in the pictures and I don't know how he did it. I think he is a wizard.

June 29th, 2006

Australia and Indonesia made a prisoner exchange deal, which means I might be able to serve my term back home. Mum shot off her mouth and said I wouldn't want to go because of the 'big butch sheilas' in Aussie prisons. She obviously hasn't met Renae Lawrence.

17th August, 2006 - Indonesian Independence Day

It's traditional on Independence Day for prisoners to be granted some clemency. I got a 2-month remission on my 20 years. Whoopdee-fuckin-doo. Excuse me if I don't go shoot off the fireworks I had to smuggle inside my arse. And by the way, you Indo bastards, if it's your Independence Day, how come there's no fuckin aliens?





Well, there you have it folks. The exclusive, world-first look at 'My Story'. In case you're wondering, Schapelle has only written up until August because I ran out of jokes.