The Real Schapelle

Well, the Schapelle Corby saga has taken an interesting twist, with a joint South Australian-Queensland police operation uncovering photos of Corby with an alleged drug dealer, taken before her ill-fated trip to Bali.

As I am gifted with an innate talent for journalism and uncovering the truth, I decided to do a little investigation of my own.

I was absolutely shocked at what I discovered. For you see, Schapelle Corby is not the woman you think she is. Turns out, Schapelle has popped up in photographs with a whole bunch of unsavoury types. We'll do this chronologically.

Berlin, 1939. World War Two is underway, and Adolf Hitler's Germany looks set to steamroll through Europe. But, like all Europeans, Hitler pauses for a spot of tea. He does so with a mysterious woman, whose identity has been unknown.

Until now.


After the fall of Hitler's Third Reich, Corby escaped capture by an Allied task force led by Captain Ronald Spiers, smuggling herself into Asia. Corby led a life of solitude in the mountains of Afghanistan for decades, before falling in love with a young mujahadeen. The two became not just husband and wife, but the figureheads of the Afghan resistance, fighting the Russian invasion during the 1980's. The name of this young mujahadeen?

Osama Bin Laden.

Don't believe me? Here's a photo of Corby, husband Osama, and an international terrorist known only as 'The Tea Toweler', taken by an undercover CNN reporter in 1994.



But Corby's depravity doesn't end there. This temptress of terror, this diva of depravity, this wordforfemale of adjectivethatmeansevil would soon leave her husband Osama following the September 11th attacks. According to sources inside the Taliban, Corby felt the attacks were 'bush league', and returned to her home country of Australia to find a partner who could unleash the widespread destruction she so desired.

After her dreams of global terror and misery failed to materialise with Adolf and Osama, Corby thought they were just that - dreams.

Until she met an unlikely couple.

Corby wasn't interested in the sex. It was good, but it wasn't the reason she stayed. In Australia, Corby found two men who had the power to realise her dreams of destruction. However, a fact-finding mission to Bali, where Corby was meant to scout out potential targets for carpet-bombing, ended with her arrest. Her dreams were shattered.

According to sources inside Corby's cell-block, she spends hours staring at a single photo on her wall, day after day. Corby doesn't speak often of the photo, or the two men she is with. But her tear-filled eyes reveal that after decades of searching, Schapelle Corby finally found her soulmates.


God speed, Schapelle.

God speed.