EMO Watch: Fatality 666

I was going to post about ThatBitch Naomi Robson getting detained in Indonesia for trying to save a Papuan kid from a tribe of cannibals, and how it's funny that Today Tonight has never cared about the hundreds of dead in Papua until they start eating cute kids, but eh. Instead, I will do what she does whenever they run a story about someone doing something stupid.

Hmm..... Disturbing stuff there....

/me shake head slowly, then cut to feature story about gooks

For today's blog is kicking it old school with a bit of EMO WATCH action. Kinda. A few days ago, a guy named Kimveer Gill opened fire at a college in Montreal, wounding 19 people and killing one woman. Kimveer wasn't an emo, but he was a goth, and goths were like emos five years ago, so it counts. In fact, a goth killing people in 2006 means that emos could start opening fire sometime around 2011, so we should know our enemy.

Of course, it wouldn't be an Emo Watch without bagging out someone's MySpace/Blog, so let's check out Kimveer, aka fatality666, and his little home on the internet.

At VAMPIRE FREAKS DOT COM

AAAAHHH

Because of the pantload of hits the site received after one of their members went on a blood drive, VampireFreaks closed his profile to the public. Luckily, Google still has it. Let's take a look.

Based on The Crow wallpaper, the Cradle of Filth music video, and the cavalcade of horror movie pictures, I'm going to take a stab in the dark and say the '666' in 'fatality666' doesn't stand for the Satanic number, but for the amount of cliches he's managed to cram into one page.




His image gallery is the first thing on the page. Along with the photos of him modelling an assault rifle and a Rambo knife, he's also adding to his cavalcade of cliches by owning a Scarface poster. Woah dude, you're like, totally unique. You can't like, buy that poster for $6 at every single university poster sale since the invention of glossy paper.



Hey dude, pro wrestling doesn't get enough bad press as it is, so why don't you take photos of yourself wearing a replica mask of WWE Superstar Kane and put them on the internet before you massacre a few dozen people with a fucking rifle. That's just not cool, man. I should fake-kick your ass.




And while we're on wrestling, he did a 'What WWE Superstar Are You?' quiz, and he managed to get The Undertaker. What a coincidence. I wonder how many times he had to re-do that quiz to get 'Taker. Ten bucks he kept getting Johnny Nitro or Funaki the first twenty times he tried it.

DUDE, WHY AM I FUNAKI!?? LIFE IS PAIN!

The quiz' don't stop there. According to the results, his Mystical Land Of Birth is The Land Of Darkness, his Angel or Demon is the Angel of Destruction, he's a Satanist, his heart is not only black but 'Made of Soil' and he'll die via Suicide. He got shot by the police, so he couldn't even get the easy one right. And I'm pretty sure the autopsy will reveal his heart is in fact, not made of soil. What a liar.

Maybe they can fix the hole the cop's bullet left in your
heart with some fertilizer, you stupid bitch

The saddest thing about this whole mess is that it could have been avoided, if only somebody had read his lists of favourite things. Check out the red text in the middle of the page. He likes normal things, like Beer, Vodka, Baby Animals and Crushing His Enemies Skulls. He also likes both the Bow and Arrow and the Sawn-Off Shotgun, even though one of those renders the other completely useless. What a fool.

But the truly disturbing thing, the one that should have set alarm bells off on anybody visiting this journal is in his Favourite Movies list.


LITTLE NICKY?!@# LITTLE NICKY?!@


The media will try to blame the gothic sub-culture, or violent video games, or maybe even the WWE, but we all know the true perpetrator of this tragedy.





Rot in hell, Sandler.