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You don't have to be Australia's Braniest Asian Kid to figure out what today's blog is about.

Yes, after years of struggle, heartbreak, cheers and tears, the dream has come to an end in almost unimaginable circumstances. A nation is shattered.


Twinkle, a 0.9m female porcupine, has escaped from its enclosure at a farm visitors centre in north-west England.

Jim Peet, from the centre, was quoted as saying that Twinkle was normally "cool" but was classed as a dangerous wild animal because of her spiky appearance.

"She could make a real mess of someone's garden and she should not be approached as her quills contain poison and she could become flustered if backed into a corner," he added.

Twinkle's disappearance came after some British newspapers said police had received reports of a tiger on the loose in Yorkshire, northern England.

Come home, Twinkle

Oh, and also, Australia got screwed over by a Spanish referee in the World Cup. Luis Medina, Spain's most famous blind man, killed Australia's World Cup dreams by giving away a penalty that gifted Italy their 1-0 win in the absolute dying stages of injury time.

MEDINA WANTS TO BUM BECKHAM LOZL21#e

Now, we could sit here for ages and talk about how Australia dominated possession and how we should have scored when Italy only had 10 men and how FIFA should bring in video referees for important calls and how nobody is going to let their kids play soccer anymore, but that's boring. There's another World Cup in 4 years, so let's just look forward to getting screwed out of that by some dodgy Europeans.

But before we do that, let's talk options.

Medina's home country, Spain, currently spends about $10 billion annually on military expenditures. Australia spends $17 billion. However, Spain has over triple our available military personnel, and more aircraft, armor and artillery. Their infantry support systems are over double Australia's maximum capability. So a traditional military option is out of the question.

Now, we'd probably have the support of the U.S, which would obviously give us air superiority, but they've been a little stretched ever since an Iraqi referee cost them a berth in the 1998 World Cup semis. And to be honest, a full-scale invasion would probably generate too many Spanish civilian casualties. This situation really only deserves say, 200,000 brutal deaths, yet an invasion could produce triple that.

The last known photo of Spain

So, we go to Plan B. The old fallback, the ones that people who know nothing about the military always think can save the day - THE S.A.mother-frigging.S. We send in two Sabre squadrons of 4 troops a piece. In the cover of darkness, they arrive at the port of La Coruna. They make their way to the roof of the Meliá María Pita Hotel, where they will meet with their Spanish informant. Once he gives us their location, the Sabre Squadrons move, and kidnap Medina and his family. Hours of torture will produce a video-taped confession of his complicity in an Italy match-fixing conspiracy, which shall be broadcast over the internet on a secure channel. Once FIFA re-instate Australia into the World Cup, we release Medina and his family. At a cost of $3.2 million, I feel this is our only real option. The S.A.S troops, of course, will have shoot to kill permission, just incase any Spanish people give them a hard time, like in that movie Desperado, or it's prequel Once Upon A Time In Mexico.

Anyway, whatever happens, we're better than Italy at rugby union, rugby league, cricket, netball, swimming, athletics and every other single activity involving physical exertion that isn't making Cannelloni.

And because every blog needs a swear word

Go fuck yourself, Mario.