tommyiscooldotcom

So like, I'm a Lost fanboy from way back. Like, all the way back to the year 2005. Rockin dat shit old school. Anyway, there is a character in Lost called Walt. Walt's a little black kid who we think has magic powers. A flashback to his life before he crashed onto PlotHole Island showed him reading a book about birds, then get angry at his Mum, only for a bird to appear out of nowhere and smash into the window. Then, he reads a comic book with a polar bear in it, and a polar bear appears on the island. Freaky, huh. Pity he gets eaten by an anaconda in the season finale lol spoilers.

Basically, Walt has pre-cognitive powers. He thinks something, then it happens. If he was an X-Man, they'd call him... Future Making Boy or something. Or Black Magic.

I sense Captain Picard will play me in a dissapointing
but commercially successful sequel to X-Men 2

The point of me re-hashing unused, average jokes from the Guide To Lost is simple.


I think I have the same power.


See, last night at about 6pm, I was picking my sister up from Baulkho shops. Because Baulkham Hills always votes Liberal, we don't get a train line, so people coming from the city catch the M2 bus and get picked up. I was parked in the car park, listening to old tapes of Latham press conferences, when I spot my sis about 50m down the road, waiting at the crossing. And for some sick reason, maybe because I was bored, I was thinking to myself 'I hope she doesn't get hit by a car crossing the road'. Just one of those thoughts that flies through your head without you knowing, brett finch i want to kill you.

Anyway, she crosses the road safely and all is well. But here's the twist. In the business, we call this next bit a swerve. That's why I'm going to write it in capitals.

As she walked towards my car in the carpark.... (here it comes) SHE ALMOST GOT HIT BY A VAN!

I bolded the swerve there too, just in case you missed it. But this van dead set only stopped about 60cm before my sis. Granted, she was wearing a black jacket and it was pretty dark, but this dick almost hit my flesh and blood, so I fired up and was all like FUCK YOU MATE bam flicked him the bird and hoped he didn't get out of his car because I had my seat belt on and I'd be defenseless but also because he was a wog and I don't think I could have taken him and he had more hair on his back than i did on my entire body

Luckily for me and my underpants, he just said some lame excuse about how it was 'dark'. And here I was thinking they invented the HEADLIGHT. Or maybe his headlights were just covered up with the BLOOD OF THE OTHER PEOPLE HE'S RUN OVER.

But the point of this article is - I think I'm psychic. I believe that by thinking about my sis getting run over at the crossing, I cursed her to almost get hit in the car park. I also believe that by posting about my sister on my blog, I'm opening myself up to a parade of sister jokes in the comments. I also believe that when typing that last line, I shouldn't have said 'opening myself up'.


Anyway, don't mess with me or I'll make you almost get hit by a car