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So Abu Bakar Bashir got released from prison today. He's the mastermind behind the Bali Bombings which killed 88 Australian citizens. He also takes fashion advice from 50 Cent, based on that kick-ass white skullcap he and his mates bust out.

Abu Bakar Bashir and the G-Unit

Obviously, every single rational person in Australia would like to see this buck-toothed nutbar rot in a prison cell for the rest of his life and have bamboo shoots inserted in his urethra twice a week, but there are mitigating circumstances. Even tosspots like Alexander Downer know this situation isn't right, but Indonesia is a sovereign nation and it is not in Australia's best interest to interfere. Having a good relationship with the world's most populous Muslim nation is a good thing for this country, pissing them off by telling them that blowing people up is bad is not a way to ensure the security of our nation.

Or some shit like that. The above paragraph is the answer you give when people ask you what you think about Indonesia. Maybe even open with a comment about how 'Schapelle got 20 years but Bashir only got 14 months' so nobody gets suspicious.

What we all really want to happen is for John Howard to slip some ex-SAS guy a plane ticket to Indonesia and $50,000 from some marginal electorate slush fund, and for Abu Bakar Bashir's brains to be AbuBakar-blown away with an explosive round. And then maybe the SAS guy could go 'Now that's what I call a skull cap', and everybody laughs.

But that probably won't happen. Instead, let's talk about the evil terrorist masterminds we can do something about.


Queenslanders.


It's Game II of the State of Origin tonight. Mate vs mate, state vs state, the cockroaches vs the cane toads, the Blues vs the Maroons, the people who can count to ten vs the Queenslanders. It'll be hyooge, and as usual, it's time for Tommy's Annual State Of Origin Game II joke. This may contain a RUDE WORD, and we all know how bad RUDE WORDS are so if you don't like RUDE WORDS maybe you should fuck off. Shit.


Anyway, here it goes


What's the difference between a Queenslander and a Canetoad?




The Canetoad doesn't fuck it's sister




Thank you!!

Thank you!! Oh please, stop! Thank you!


Oh, flowers?! For me?! My goodness gracious! Why thank you! What an honour! Thank you, weird looking woman with pink neck brace and drunk man and creepy gay guy with black rimmed glasses leering in background! What a surprise!

I just wanted to see what I'd look like with a tan





(And big ole fat titties)