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Every three years or so, Australians across our great land head to the polls to make their voices heard (unless you vote Labor in Baulkham Hills) and send one of their representatives to Parliament in the nation's capital. In the centrepiece of our young nation, these chosen few, our nation's finest, get to work crafting laws and policies to advance Australia fair. It is democracy in action, a simple yet beautiful expression of the rights and freedoms we have been blessed with by the architects of the country. Of course, nothing ever goes to plan.

Because on the 14th of May, 2006, democracy died in Australia.


We were no longer allowed to watch our video tapes.

MAJOR COPYRIGHT REFORMS STRIKE BALANCE

Attorney-General Philip Ruddock today announced significant copyright reforms which make our laws fairer for consumers and tougher on copyright pirates.

“These are commonsense amendments which will maintain Australia’s copyright laws as the best in the world for the benefit of our creators and other copyright owners and for the many Australians who enjoy their creative works,” Mr Ruddock said.

Phillip Ruddock's name rhymes with cock. And from that quote, you'd think that might just be a coincidence. Sounds alright, benefiting 'creators' and 'many Australians'. It's win win. And hey, these reforms

- Finally make it technically legal to tape television and radio shows
- Legalise 'format shifting', i.e transferring your Bon Jovi songs from CDs to iPods (or vinyl, if you have the original EP of Slippery When Wet)
- Allow use of copyright material for parody and satire (I used to get away with it by calling my blog an educational tool)

That sounds sweet! Go politicians! Yeah!

But then you look at the fine print. The fine print that politicians and their staffers have spent hours creating. Under the new laws, we can tape the final episode of Blue Heelers, but we can only watch it once. Yes, once you've taped a program and watched it once, this new legislation says you must delete it immediately. And you can't lend it to a friend. The legislation specifically forbids anything aside from personal use. So sorry guys, you can't borrow my video of yesterday's episode of Ready, Steady, Cook. And I can't watch it again either, even though I fully blanked out at the bit where the overly homo host told the young chef with the five o'clock shadow that he'd like to toss his salad.

Mmm, this bechamel sauce tastes delicious

Just once more for emphasis - you can't lend videos to your mates. Anything you tape, you can now only watch once before deleting it as required by law. As required by law. Of the Commonwealth of Australia. A nation founded on convicts, and we can't even lend tapes to each other.

AND THESE PEOPLE GET PAID TO MAKE THIS STUFF UP.

IT'S ALMOST LIKE THE GOVERNMENT WHO CAME UP WITH THIS LEGISLATION HAS BEEN INFLUENCED BY SOME KIND OF LOBBY GROUP FROM SOME KIND OF INDUSTRY WHICH MAKES SOME KIND OF MONEY FROM SELLING DVDS AND CDS

IT'S ALMOST LIKE DEMOCRACY IS BULLSHIT BECAUSE I CAN'T LEND ANYBODY MY TAPE OF THE LAST EPISODE OF FUCKING HEADLAND, WHICH GOT CANCELLED AND WON'T BE AVAILABLE TO BUY ON DVD ANYWAY SO IT'S REALLY NOT HURTING ANYBODY SO WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM WITH THAT RUDDOCK

IT'S ALMOST LIKE THIS IS A STUPID LAW MADE BY STUPID FUCKTARDS WHOSE SEXUAL FANTASIES CONSIST OF RAPING MR SQUIGGLE WITH AN ELECTRIC PENCIL SHARPENER AND A FEW LITRES OF WD-40, AND I CAN SAY THAT ABOUT A COPYRIGHTED CHARACTER BECAUSE THIS IS CONSIDERED PARODY

SO GO FUCK YOURSELF, PALPATINE.