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Because I'd like my Sunday free to perform my usual ritual of taking photos of children at the beach, I thought I'd write my review of the motion picture X-Men 3 today, 6 hours before I see it. You're probably asking yourself how that's possible, how can Tommy write a review of a film he hasn't seen. Actually, you're probably not asking yourself anything, because that would require a degree of emotional involvement that to be honest, my blog fails to generate.

Anyway, onto the review!

*whip*

X-Men 3: The Last Stand
A film review by Tommy, X-Man


The third in the X-Men series of films, and the fourth in the series of films starring Hugh Jackman as a cybernetically-enhanced killing machine (Kate and Leopold was a prequel), X3 is possibly the final chapter in the X-Men story, which is what they said about the third James Bond movie too. But, unlike James Bond, Halle Berry fucked X-Men up before the series hit number 20.

The premise of X3 is that a 'cure' for mutant....ism is developed, generating all sorts of controversy and yelling and explosions. Some mutants, such as the evil Magneto, see the cure as mankind's attempt to exterminate mutantkind. Others see it as a challenge to be overcome peacefully. Some mutants, such as Angel, are forced into taking the cure by evil fathers, while others accept it themselves.

I'd say this mutant would probably go for the cure.

X3 sees the return of all of your childhood favourites, like Professor Xavier, Wolverine, Cyclops, Collossus, and Mystique. It also has Storm. The movie also sees the film debuts of some new mutants such as Shadowcat, Angel, The Dark Phoenix, Callisto and Spyke.

Oh, and someone or other named BEAST


OH YEAH BITCHES


OHHHH YEAAHHH


FRESH FROM DUNFEE, ILLINOIS, NORTON AND EDNA MCCOY'S BABY BOY, THE BIG BLUE FURRY MCDADDY OF FUNK, HENRY "HANK" PHILLIP MCCOY THE MOTHERFUCKING BEAST!@


YOOOOO CHECK IT


NIGGA DON'T NEED NO FLOOR, NIGGA CLIMB ON PIPES!@



LOOK AT THOSE TRAPS AND THOSE ABS, YOU COULD CUT A SHOE WITH THOSE ABS



OH, I THINK I'VE SAVED THE WORLD SO MUCH CAUSE I'M THE MOTHERF'ING BEAST THAT I'LL SIT AND DRINK SOME COFFEE AND READ TIME, CAUSE THAT'S HOW SUPERHEROES GET THEIR SHIT DONE

Now where were we.

Beast is played by Kelsey Grammar, television's Frasier. Which gives me hope for David Hyde Pierce to be cast in X-Men 4 as Beast's snooty younger brother. Hilarity ensues when Beast invites Storm over for a hot date at the X-Mansion, only for his brother to schedule a meeting of their mutant wine club that same night! And wait till grumpy old Professor Xavier finds out his housekeeper forgot to take Wolverine out for a walk! It's X4, Thursdays at 8 on NBC.

The X-Men series has done a pretty good job of giving fanboys like me what we expect (Beast, Wolverine hacking people, Mystique doing one of those roundhouse kicks where you kinda see her cooch) and satisfying normal people at the same time with action and cool monologues by old British actors, and X3 looks like no exception.


I give it 3 Claws Up. LOL~!



X-Men 3 was released worldwide on the 26th, except in Kellyville.