tommyiscooldotcom

In honour of Australia Day, and Australia being one of the laziest, most laid-back countries on the planet, I have decided to make a blog article entirely about a few things that I figure I could maybe write a few paragraphs on. Maybe not even a few things, maybe not even a few paragraphs. We'll just see how I go.

God Bless Australia, Our Land Australia..

Fish vs Fishes
Now, everyone knows the plural of fish. Fish. But there's this other plural there, fishes. Now, what's all that about? I had always assumed that the fishes plural was restricted for use only when more than one type of fish was involved. As in, there are many fish of the species fishus barbequemeatlovers, but in the entire fish genus fishus pizzahutflavours there are many fishes. However, I was recently challenged on this point by a similarly bored acquaintance of mine.


Note: Fish are not attractive. If you are a fish, chances are you are not attractive, but kudos on learning to read.

His postulation was that there are many fish in a school of fish, but if you're talking about small numbers of fish, you say look at the couple of fishes. I asked him what the exact number was for the conversion from fishes to fish, but he somehow passed out and may or may not have drowned in a pool of his own drool. So, one quick Wikipedia search later, I found that I was right and thusly danced my 'the Internet proved me right' dance, but still, I was profoundly mystified.

What were the implications of this? Were dogs to become 'dogses'? Hobbits to become 'tricksy little Hobbitses'? I feel that the effects will become most felt in the Western Suburbs, where the emergence of new slang terms truly has our civilisation's language on a razor's edge.


wha.. WHAT are youse cunts lookin at? Do.. da ya wanna fight, cunt?

The reader's of Socko's blog probably wouldn't understand this, growing up in your posh houses on the Northern Beaches, drinking hand-mixed dacquaris driven to you from Jamaica by a butler in a golf cart, but out there in the ghettos of Lakemba, Bankstown and Yagoona, the word 'youse' refers to a group of people, typically resembling vaginas, as it is often paired to make 'youse cunts'. The vaginas, like most women, obviously are not very well read, as 'youse cunts dont know nuffin' is as common as teenage pregnancies and racially-motivated bashings. So, what happens when there are several groups of youse cunts out there, probably throwing bottles and knifes and unwanted foetuses at each other? Look at all the youse's. Holy shit, there are a lot of youse's out there.

It's chaos, I tell you, utter fucking chaos.

Dominic Monaghan and Evangeline Lilly
Now, being a man of science (NOT A MANOFFAITH? WHATSDESTINYLOCEK OMGORFL LOST HUMOUR), I believe that there is balance in nature. So, perhaps you can explain this one to me.

THIS :


is getting married to

THIS :


In case you didn't get that..

THIS:


is getting married to

THIS:


One more time for the slow ones..

THIS:


is getting married to

THIS:
.

You may as well kill yourselves now, people. There's no justice in the world. Although, if you're an annoying, bad-acting, layabout fuckball, you may have a chance of scoring one of the hottest women on the planet. Good luck.

Eggs
I mean, one minute they're bad for you, now everyone's like, 'hey have you tried eggs yet wow how about eggs.. eggs..'. What's all that about?


They're planning something. I know they are..

OK, I'm out.