About a week ago, former Veterans Affairs Minister Dana Vale had the top idea of building a Gallipoli inspired memorial park, and was later bagged out by pretty much everybody in the entire universe. But while some people think its tacky and a crap idea, I think it's great. And I'm kind of honoured, because I had the same idea a while back. I also had a few other ideas for Terrible Moments in Australian History Theme Parks, and I think it's time to share them in a blog I'm going to call
Terrible Moments in Australian History Theme Parks
1. Harold Holt's Wet'n'Wild Park
Ideally located south of Melbourne in Portsea, this water park is a unique educational, wet experience. Recreate Holt's last swim in our authentic beach, go 'All The Way With LBJ' down the 20-foot slide, and then when your day is over, get kidnapped by a Chinese midget submarine!
Somehow, when Prime Minister Holt re-emerged, he possessed the power to change his skin colour to black and white
2. The Ivan Milat Experience
Located in the heart of the Bengalo State Forest, re-trace the steps of serial killer Ivan Milat as he prowls for his latest victim. Take in the sights of the hourly firework show, then learn how to brutally execute a lonely woman and hide her body under a pile of sticks. Extremely popular amongst backpackers.
3. Azaria Chamberlain's Wild Ride
Look out kids! Are those rides at Movie World a little dull? Then sink your teeth into this one! Got a parent you don't really like? Are your parents in a death cult? Does your name mean 'Sacrifice' in a undetermined language? Then hop on board Azaria Chamberlain's Wild Ride, get taken by a dingo and enjoy the fun as your Mum spends a few years in prison! Get Dad in there too and you can eat pizza for dinner EVERY NIGHT!
4. The Sari Clubhouse
A recreation of the popular Bali nightclub, you too can pay the price for years of Indonesians doing jack-all about terrorism in this explosive theme park. Complete with accomodation packages at the Jakarta Marriott, this park is sure to be a blast. And come home with some Sari Clubhouse merchandise, like our T-Shirts:
5. The 2004 Federal Elections: The 3D Experience
The re-election of Howard and Costello for three more years is perhaps the most terrible moment in Australian history since the crowning of Casey Donovan as the Australian Idol in 2004, and this park lets you re-live the wild journey - in 3D! Wince as Latham signs that massive novelty cheque - in 3D! Shudder as he announces his forests policy - in 3D! And cry yourself to sleep as you come to terms with the fact that you just wasted a year of your life following the minute details of a campaign that ended with you huddled in a corner of your room crying like a little fucking baby because that rat faced cunt got re-elected - in 3D! Fun for the whole family, and if you're about to have a baby, entrance is FREE!
Wow, Natasha Scott Despoja's tits look great in 3D
Now, obviously these parks have about as much chance of becoming reality as Phil Kearns does of becoming Father Of The Year, but its the thought that counts. Anyway if you want me I'll be in Hell because of that damn T-Shirt joke.
16 comments:
To Tommy in Hell
I thought Nicky Webster was the worst thing to ever happen to Australia
From poose
I'm glad to see that there are no aboriginal themes cos they are a pain in the arse with their "Stolen generation" and "no opportunities" crap
How about "The Kevin Rudd rollercoaster" feel your head pound as your thrown around by Mr Rudd's ridiculous comments, and feel the fun as you get a nose bleed from your frustration with Mr Rudd's fury at Mr Downer over ... well anything
kevin rudd is a vampire. and the beastie boys stole my girlfriend
you may not goto hell tommy for that bali joke as it was quite funny however
"Now, obviously these parks have about as much chance of becoming reality as Phil Kearns does of becoming Father Of The Year"
you will goto hell for that.
well he did play the game they play in heaven :O
way too soon
i want more guides to 24
this site peaked and died all in a matter of a few days
i still like it...or at least...i did still like it, i'm not so sure now.
i think tommy writes for the telegraph, must be where he is stealing his material
It's Natasha 'Stott' Despoja... you really are as informed as a labor voter.
"Wow, Natasha Scott Despoja's tits look great in 3D"
you should see them from where im looking boys. so moist so suple so firmmmmmm.
ps tommy turns me on
Speirs you shouldn't question Tommy's spelling. He should know, he's a media student. hahahaha
hi tash : )
Great post
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