tommyiscooldotcom

The last thing you expect when you're driving to Eastwood is to be in the middle of Carlingford Road picking up an unconscious woman's credit cards and ID (I normally do that when I drive to Coffs Harbour), but last night was a bit crazy.

Having picked up my friend REDACTED (PICKED UP EH EH EH) we troddled along in my mighty Corolla towards one REDACTED 'Thong Kicking Faggot's house in Eastwood. Of course, we had to make an unexpected stop when we turned after Carlingford Court to see a WOMAN GET HIT BY A CAR.

Well, we didn't actually see it, we just saw her lying on the ground in front of a Toyota. But saying A WOMEN LYING ON THE GROUND IN FRONT OF A TOYOTA doesn't really catch the eye.

Anyway, we stopped the car and ran down to the scene. REDACTED called the bambulance while I supervised. Having never been involved in something this exciting, it was pretty surreal. The chick who got hit was sprawled on the ground, while the drivers of the Toyota (they were Asian, in case you hadn't guessed by the fact it was near Epping and involved an accident in a Toyota) were on the footpath crying and screaming in whateverlanguagetheywerespeaking-ese. The strangest thing about the whole scene was that the headlights of the Toyota were still on, meaning the woman's body was lit up like a movie set.

Now, NOBODY was around the woman. Not even the passengers of the car who hit her. So, believing in people's compassion, we thought somebody had already checked on the woman and found she was dead, in which case we didn't really want to get too close. But, the 000 person wanted Joy to see if she was breathing, so we checked. And guess what - she was alive. At this point, two other people came over to check (the drivers of the car stayed on the side of the road), a girl our age and a middle-aged yobbo bloke in a flannelette jacket we will call Bruce.

Now, Bruce was no doctor. His first suggestion upon arriving at the writhing, moaning body of the victim was to suggest we grab her bag and put it under her head. My medical experience is limited to the ressucitation scenes from 'Baywatch', and even I know that's a dumb idea. Moving the neck of someone who just bumped off the windscreen of a car isn't cool. Luckily, we ignored his stupid suggestions. He then told us that the woman had a 'fractured leg' (it was in a funky position), only for the women to then move the leg four seconds later, then put pressure on it. Nice call, doc.

Of course, he wasn't the only person who made an error in the heat of the moment. Joy not only told the ambulance the woman wasn't breathing (only for her to move 1 minute later), but she also told them she was 35. Which would have been correct 15 years and one car accident earlier. This chick was pushing the big 5-0 (coincidentally the speed the car hit her at). But hey, she did more than me. The woman's purse and belongings were all over the road, so I collected all her shit and put it in her bag. I pocketed a fiver for my troubles too. I'm joking of course.

(It was a ten)
So yes, we hung around watching the drama unfold from the side of the road until the two ambulances came (the other girl called an ambulance too). Of course, like any accident, the TOW TRUCK arrived at least 4 minutes before the ambulance. The bastards.

Anyway, not much of a point or anything to this post, just make sure if you get hit by a car there isn't a yobbo in a flannelette telling people to lift your neck and put you in a hammock or something.


From Tommy, your hero