The TommyIsCool Logo Showcase - #1 WINS!

So a few weeks back, Blogger added a new feature allowing your blog header to be a picture. I made a quick test picture yesterday, and have received excellent feedback from my loyal readers.

But, the time has come for a new, better logo. And because I like to give the impression that my blog is a democracy (or a democroblog), I'll let YOU decide!

(Tommy reserves the right to ignore all comments and choose the 1st one)

Up first, a new twist on an old favourite. Long-time readers may recognise this blog as part of Tommy's 2006 collection.

Option #1 - 'The Wordy One' - Click To Make Me Big!

Up next is a logo that can only be described as 'Skeleton Overload'. This baby has more skeletons than Lindsay Lohan's closet.

Option #2 - 'The Lohan' - Click To Make Me Big!

And finally, as I discuss politics quite often, I thought I'd make a logo for it. Some of you may think this is an appropriate title for my blog. Others may think it needs a pic of Stalin.

Option #3 - The Red Under Your Blog Head - Click To Make Me Big!

YOU ONLY GET 3 OPTIONS.


Vote Now! Or don't!

Matthew Reilly: Hollywood Bound. In related news, San Diego Zoo reports shortage of bears

My thoughts on prominent Australian "author" Matthew Reilly have been documented on this "blog" before. Essentially, my core complaint with Reilly's work is that it's shit. He uses single line sentences too much, he uses freaking italics in a novel, and his action stories typically involve the release of wild bears into an enclosed environment. Not to mention, his foreshadowing has about as much subtlety as the big red stamp on A Current Affair, and normally looks something like this:

Schofield looked at the small yellow button on the mainframe controls. Underneath was an even smaller sign that read 'Use In Case Of Wild Bear Release'. Schofield made a note of the button and its location, in the event that he would have to press it fifty pages later. And then, a noise.

It was a bear.


And it looked Wild.

Seriously. And to make matters worse, he's working on a television pilot in Hollywood! Now, considering the titles of his previous works ("Jason Chaser: Hover Car Racer"), I was expecting something like 'Jack Blassassin: Registered Assassin', but no! Reilly shocks us with a last minute swerve that doesn't involve a top-secret paramilitary team OR a grappling hook!

Matthew Reilly's father

Matt's working on a show called 'Literary Superstars', about the 'exploits of a publishing industry publicist'. Because releasing press releases and sending gifts to journalists is high-end drama, you see. But don't take my word for it, here's Matt!

No, it’s actually going to be more in the style of Sex and the City - sexy, fast and funky, with humour and the odd moment of drama. The TV people in the States use the word "dramedy" for this kind of show and while it sounds odd, in the case of Literary Superstars it’s actually appropriate!

I dislike you.

Matthew Reilly. Nice jumper, four-eyes.

And I can picture it now. Carrie, Samantha and the red-haired lezzy, sitting around drinking Cosmopolitans, talking about their sexy, fast and funky exploits at the book publishing offices, when suddenly...

A GROUP OF TOP-SECRET PARAMILITARY SOLDIERS BURST THROUGH THE WALL!
Carrie screamed, and clutched her grappling hook.
"You won't need that where we're going," said the soldier's leader, a built man of 30.
"Why?" Carried yelled. "Where are you taking us?"
"We have to get out of here," the soldier replied. "Bears are coming..."


"Sexy bears."

Actually.... That show sounds pretty damn good. Maybe you're not a worthless hack after all, Mr. Reilly. What else do you have in mind for this show?

Some stories? How about: the time our heroine has to publicise her company chairman's wife's new book (based on a true occurrence my agent told me about); or her experiences with a bestselling thriller author at a snooty writers festival (also true); or how she sells a book about how to seduce women (not telling)!

God, the drama just leaks off the pages. Give this guy $20 million and let's cast one of the Baldwins as the publicist. See if you can get the ugly one from Desperate Housewives, too. No, no. The other ugly one. No, the other ugly one. Yes. Her. We'll premiere in the Fall, and cancel good shows like Jericho, Veronica Mars and Studio 60 to make room for fucking Matthew Reilly and his shit idea for a show fuck i hate him so much

When Tommy has nothing to blog about......

The Fall Of Howard: The Boob Edition

We encourage individual achievement and self-reliance without sacrificing the common good. We value our independence and chafe against bureaucracies that deny us choice and the capacity to shape our daily lives. Yet we are determined not to let go of the Australian ethos of a fair go for all.

- John Howard, Australia Day 2006

Debate has raged today after it was revealed a template Australian Workplace Agreement for hotel and hospitality workers has been rolled out, stripping staff of shift penalties, public holiday rates, meal allowances and overtime, replacing them with a starting wage of just $13.47 an hour.

On top of the new hospitality AWA, workers at one motel restaurant have been given instructions not to wear perfume or aftershave, nor to rub their nose or even "pull at a slipping bra strap".

The Daily Telegraph, May 23 2007


So what have we replaced the fair go with? Itchy noses and bouncing norks. We truly are in a golden age.


Here is a photo of some norks.





Easiest blog ever.

An In-Depth and Unbiased Evaluation of 24: Season 6

The following article contains scenes of graphic violence and 24: Season 6 spoilers. Viewer discretion is advised.

So, 24: Season 6.

It's not that it was a bad season.

It's that it was so bad it makes me want to stick my own hand into my mouth, reach down my throat until my fingers burst into my chest cavity so that I can crush my heart with my hand like it was crushed by disappointment over how godawful, ridiculous and repetitive this season of 24 was.

I mean, talk me through how this season makes any sense.

Just like this season of 24, don't question why it makes no sense, just run with it cause it has Kiefer.

You go out of your way to bring in Wayne Palmer and make him president.

He gets written out.

But comes back!!

But then gets written out again after doing practically nothing but one last-second twisteroo which got explained away within 10 minutes of the next episode.

But you bring back Charles Logan, who was one of the best things about last season! And you also bring back Aaron and Martha, who were great entertainment!

But then you put them all in a scenario that panders to what fans wanted but isnt actually quality television or meaningful in any way. Then, at the end of this meaningless scenario, comes the meaningless death of Logan. And Aaron didn't even get to fucking shoot the flame tank on anyone's back. And they made it because Martha was crazy which they spent all last year proving was untrue. And they don't even bother to check back in on Logan after he's stabbed! That's not only bad storytelling, that's bad storyboarding.


Charles Logan, whose only weaknesses are sneaky VP's who hide behind bookshelves.

Also, I know that 24 pushes the bounds of believability, but this year they seem to have involved Jack in a crazy genetic experiment.

How do I know this, you ask?

Because he seems to have grown a vagina.

I'm not talking about 'I dont know if i can do this anymore' Jack that we saw in episodes 2 to 4.

That was an awesome Jack. That was a Jack that, after 10 years of being pushed too far, had finally broken under the incredible weight of both his country's demands and the demands that his own horrific actions had placed on him. Unbelievable, they seemed to have advanced Jack's character to a place we all knew that it had to arrive at eventually, and we had an entire season to understand what Jack was going through as well as to enjoy the thrillride that 24 usually provides.

Then, an hour later, 'oops, no, turns out i'm 100% percent fine and will act for the rest of the season exactly as I acted in seasons previous but will be put into less action-oriented and therefore less awesome situations throughout the day'.


SPOILERS!! This is going to be Jack's wardrobe for season 7.

Like, what the fuck? Have the writers forgotten that what makes 24 a great show is Jack Bauer? It seems difficult to believe they did forget because, over the past two years, they have killed off nearly every other recurring character. They even go out of their way to bring back recurring characters, just to kill them.

Explain to me the purpose of Milo this season.

Comes back, seems cool, has funny banter with co-workers, is great nostalgic value. Gets involved in a very very quickly aborted romantic situation with Nadia. Is out in the field for 30 seconds, gets shot. Recovers from getting shot in 30 seconds, back to CTU. For some unknown fucking reason, is now involved in a 'love triangle' with Nadia and someone who spent two hours torturing Nadia.

I know that the writers and producers of 24 have a better insight into the female psyche than anyone else, but you'd think that if this chick had to choose between someone who spent a few hours unfairly torturing her and NEARLY ANYONE ELSE IN THE FUCKING WORLD, she would choose anyone else. But no, apparently Doyle's dumbed-down, wrinkly-faced charm is too much for her.


Ricky Schroder: You couldn't resist his charms either.

So things aren't looking good for Milo but then, just when things were at their worst, something else happened.

THEY SHOT HIM IN THE HEAD FOR NO REASON

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THIS SHOW

GAAAAAARGHSDF

I can't even go on. Instead of finishing this blog properly, why don't I just introduce my father into the mix, that should kill some time and achieve nothing. Maybe I could link myself to other previously established bloggers by familial relations for no purpose (but those bloggers may get killed after doing nothing for two seasons). There will definitely have to be a mole inside the blog who gets revealed halfway through the article. But next blog I'll totally do everything differently*, don't worry.

* That only means that the mole will get revealed two-thirds of the way through the article.

Some dumbass makin firewood

My Eighteenth Favourite Site

I like pages that do things for you. Like, YouTube automatically sorts all the DaxFlame videos to the top of my screen. My blog shows me the most recent comments on the top right. LathamPorn.com automatically downloads the latest videos for me.

And now, Fundies Say The Darndest Things! does my religion-bashing.

props to some hotty for linking me the site

It's basically a collection of quotes, from sites like ChristianForums.com, and FreeConservatives.com, AnswersInGenesis.org and other conservative Christian sites. And, it's Top 100 Quotes page is a pure, unadulterated comedic goldmine. All I have to do is copy-paste!

Here's one where a God Warrior has written a little skit about a typical atheist household (and spells 'Atheist' wrong). The Atheist Dad comes home, from a long day of... not worshipping a god, and hilarity ensues...

ATHIEST DAD: Hey!
ATHIEST MOM: Hi, honey! I'm pregnant again. I guess I'll just get another abortion, since "fetuses don't count as human life."
ATHIEST DAD: Okay, get as many abortions as you want!
ATHIEST MOM: Oh, and don't go in the bedroom.
ATHIEST DAD: Why not?
ATHIEST MOM: There are two gay men fucking eachother in there.

God, it's like the screenplay to Hey Dad!

Here's Crash, from TheologyOnline...

"You got it backwards.

Creationism is based upon science, reason and tons of evidence.

Evolution is based on the blind acceptance of superstitions and fairy tales."

Now, obviously a lot of the quotes on this site are from the special kind of American fundies, who think Jesus is George Bush's National Security Advisor, and that NASCAR is the Lord in action. And that leads to even more gold...

"I appreciate your recommendation, and it is intriguing, but as a pro-lifer, I cannot support an organization that is opposed to the death penalty."

And a tiny bit of racism....

"But God don't talk in Arabic. He talks in a REAL language, namely, English. It's true that back in them days He translated that to some other language after Speaking it in English, but after all, it's His universe and He can do what He doggone well wants to do.

And some more gold. I hope they're not talking about Obama :(

"As a Christian (of sorts and kind of), I know it is harsh, uncivil, boorish and very unchristianlike not to wish someone a speedy recovery. Nevertheless ... he's a Democrat. Democrats are the most horrific enemies this Christian, conservative nation will ever face.

You know...that one might actually be right...

For the sake of religious balance, here's an equally dumb quote from an atheist...

We Should show Christians that their religion shall not be tolerated. They should all be put in extermination camps and they shall die. And then they'll realize they have no soul and the bible is a bunch of crud."

Though, in his defense, he did write it on YouTube. You can say anything there.


Of course, there's also some debating tips, for the people who might try to use a site like this against them...

""Make sure your answer uses Scripture, not logic.""

Hehe. Man, that one was "funny".

“The gay sensibility,” one speaker informed the audience, is ironic and characterized by the excessively performative use of “air quotes.”

Indeed, irony itself is a gay invention, a coping mechanism for gay people who recognize that they don’t really fit in with normal society."

Well, I "guess" that "makes" me a "flaming queer" then. God, this feels like rain on my wedding day.

And now, the World's Most Inappropriate LOL ...

"If u have sex before marriage then in Gods eyes u are married to that person if a man rapes a woman in Gods eyes they are married it sucks for the girl but what can we do lol"

Of course, there's some that I think are made-up. At least, they HAVE to be made-up. Nobody can be this funny. But, regardless, it's my favourite quote on the site....

How can anyone beleive we evolved from monkeys heres a few questions for people who beleive that

1.If we did evolve from monkeys then how come babies arent born monkeys

2.Even Darwin said his theories were wrong before he died so why do you still believe them

3.do you really not believe the bible it says we were created in seven days not millions of years

4.how come we cant speak monkey

That guy should write me a guest blog.

I would pay him in bananas, lol