god I'm sick of my life

i woke up this morning to make my hot chocolate and like I couldn't find my good spoon so i looked and my dad was all like hey you better find that spoon or you wont be able to have hot chocolate and i'm like get out of my life old man you don't rule me

anyway i found the spoon

and a knife too so i could cut myself after

so i had my hot chocloate then my sis calls from werk and shes like hey what do you want for dinner and like fark lah wtf how am i meant to know chicken or sometin

and she's all like well you should pick something up at the shops wtf like i havent got uni work and shit, aint no fuckin way im doin that, if you fukin thing im going to shops today you got another thin coming lah

god does the pain never stop

so anyway i gotta rap this up i gotta go to the shops

Geez, you write one blog about Christians and the Muslims start blowing stuff up to get your attention. Pretty sad stuff to read in the paper that one family from Newcastle lost their Mum and a son in the one blast. Not exactly a surprise, and it's bound to happen again, but that doesn't change much. Bali is a Hindu outpost in the most populous Muslim country on the planet. Bali is the island equivalent of Bruce Willis in Die Hard 3 holding the sign saying 'I hate nig*ers' in the middle of Harlem.



There'll be lots of talk in the next few months about Indonesia taking a hardline against the bombers and plenty of photos of suspected Jemaah Islamiyah terrorists being arrested and paraded around, but most of it is all bullshit considering:

• Bali Bombing masterminds get 2 years in prison

• It is still legal to be a member of Jemaah Islamiyah in Indonesia as the Government does not want to run the risk of offending Muslim extremists

One more for the dummies

• It is still legal to be a member of Jemaah Islamiyah in Indonesia as the Government does not want to run the risk of offending Muslim extremists

And my personal favourite:

• The Indonesian President Susilio 'I Like To' Bambang Yudhoyono refuses to publicly admit the existence of Jemaah Islamiyah

So when Bambang says "We will hunt down the perpetrators and bring them to justice." like he did after the blasts on October 1st, what he really means is "We will hunt down the perpetrators and bring them to justice, provided of course they actually exist. Which they don't. Unless I'm talking to John Howard or George Bush. In which case they do. But once I hang up the coconut phone, they don't exist anymore. Yes that's the ticket. That'll buy me some time to work on a new name."

(Yes, Indonesians have a word for "Yes that's the ticket.")

Anyway, the world sucks and the only way to cure the pain is by cutting ourselves

John Brogden resigned from Parliament yesterday. And I thought it was the policy of the Liberal Party not to 'cut and run'



......




We'll be right back.

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I'm currently doing a public relations subject for uni, and as part of the subject we get into groups and design a Public Relations strategy for a real-life company. My group drew the long straw and got to work with Virgin Mobile, while other groups got stuck with dodgy local construction companies and law firms

Suckers

Anyway, I make this post to discuss the sensitive issue of midget rights

You see, we are designing a Christmas campaign for Virgin, and part of this campaign involves some promo people handing out flyers at shopping centres touting our top secret new Virgin product. Now when you think Christmas, you think elves. You think Santa's little helpers.

You think midgets.

Now, I wanted midgets for this part of the campaign. But members of my group don't think it's 'ethical' to 'exploit' midgets for such a purpose. Even if they're getting paid to do it. I don't think it's any different from a television show casting an old person, or an Aboriginal person, or a woman for a certain role. I'm sure there are midgets who make a good living out of being elves, so who are we to deprive them of theoretical money from our theoretical campaign?

I would like to hear your thoughts - if you hire a midget to be one of Santa's little elves, are you exploiting them? Leave a comment. Normal rules apply - if you use your comment to bag out Tommy be sure to make it anonymous because you're a fucking pansy.


A midget being Uncle-Slammed

Things Tommy Isn't Good At #40201-40206

#40201 - Tennis
#40202 - That god damn mission in Grand Theft Auto Vice City where you have to drop the bombs in the tiny little helicopter
#40203 - Fake laughs
#40204 - Abortions
#40205 - Creating abstract lists of things he isn't good at without relying on an abortion joke
#40206 - TIPPING NRL FINALS

Tigers vs Cowboys in the GRAND FINAL? What kind of devilry is this

From now on I'm only tipping things I know the results of, like professional wrestling, federal elections and fights between lions and blind children

If you walk past my Subway shop at 5:30pm

When I'm standing at the cash register counting money

When the massive glowing sign that says SUBWAY is turned off

When you can see a mop in the background

When the bread holder is closed

When the massive glass case where we keep the meats and salads is completely and utterly empty and covered in cleaning products


DON'T ASK ME IF "SUBWAY IS STILL OPEN?"


Love,

Tommy