Maybe we should concentrate on learning the second verse to the anthem we have...

So, Senator Amanda 'Two Breakfasts*' Vanstone thinks she's the re-incarnated A.B Paterson, having designed a new secondary Australian anthem called 'Under Southern Stars'. Here's her rationale for taking a break from... you know, serving the people who pay for her moo moos*.

"The drafting began something like six years ago at either a Boxing Day or Australia Day lunch with a whole lot of mates," Senator Vanstone said.

"We all decided ... that we needed another song of gravitas because at school functions and things, once you've sung Advance Australia Fair, there isn't another gravitas song.

First off - why am I not surprised it happened at a lunch?*

Amanda unsuccessfully tries to eat her lips*

Second of all, 'gravitas'? I can't say I've ever noticed a lack of gravitas, especially at school functions. I don't often remember turning to my mates and going 'Hey, you know what would be good after the Headmaster gives his ten minute speech about Jesus helping you study? Standing up and singing another song about Australia.'

And third of all, six years?! It took you six years to write one song? Who the fuck does she think she is, Guns and Roses?!

Six years for THIS?!

The lyrics to Under Southern Stars:

Home to first Australians,
Joined from near and far,
Shining light for freedom,
Under Southern Stars.

Nation made of many,
Bound in hope as one,
Building for the future,
Under Southern Sun.

Free and Friendly Nation,
Born of our own hand,
Peace our greatest virtue,
Mighty Southern Land.

Valiant into Battle,
Courage to the end,
Standing firm for freedom,
Loyal southern friend.

Nature's earthly heaven,
Glory for our eyes,
Ours alone those treasures,
Under Southern Skies.

Shining light for Freedom

Under Southern Stars.

Wow. You can hear a Sydney Opera singer belting out the gravitas here, courtesy of news.com.au.

It's to the tune of England's secondary national anthem, their Waltzing Matilda if you will, Land Of Hope And Glory. Like Hope and Glory, it's set to Pomp and Circumstance, the standard college graduation song and the former theme music of WWF legend 'Macho Man' Randy Savage.

Ohhh yeaahhh snap into a slim jim

Yes. Added gravitas = pro wrestling music.

And while we're talking about American wrestlers, let's talk about how Vanstone rips off America for the lyrics. 'Shining light for freedom'? Hmm. Sounds.... familiar...

I don't think they make Nikes in her size, Ray.

You do know America copyrighted 'freedom', right? Vanny? Right?

And 'loyal Southern friend'? That's our kicker? You ignore the fact this country gave birth to the legendary Bert Newton, but mention how we're good mates to the countries that can blow the shit out of us?

What does she want to change our national slogan to? 'Australia - Killed lots of Abos, doesn't have any water, but if you need to borrow $5....'


God, I hate fat people.

*While Kim Beazley fat jokes aren't funny and are the property of Wil Anderson, Amanda Vanstone fat jokes are still cool.