A letter to Kim-Jong-il

Heya Kimmy,

You probably don't know me. My name is Tommy, I live in Sydney and every now and then I write a blog. You've probably heard of it, it's like totally the biggest site on the net.

Anyway, this whole nuclear test thing is troubling me a bit. I mean, you're the nutjob leader of a nutjob nation, but that doesn't mean you have to act like one. Is this all because of Team America?

And I don't want to have to do this, but I kinda like the world as it is now. All the bad stuff happens in countries on the other side of the globe, I can't pronounce the names of all the civilian casualties so it's not so bad, and they can make cool movies about the bad stuff a few years from now. But a nuke? World War 3 on the Korean Penninsula? Fighting China, home of kung-fu? Nuh-uh. That's just not cool Kim. Not cool.

So Kim, I'm putting you and your country on a boycott. A blog boycott. A blog-cott. You're probably thinking to yourself 'So? What the frig is a blog-cott, and how come I think in fluent English?'

Well Kim, a blog-cott means I won't be making any blogs about North Korea. Not even South Korea, that's how angry I am. But worst of all, I'm not even going to make any jokes about how Koreans eat dogs. Yeah, you heard me. No talking about the 'Man-Eat-Dog' world of Korean diplomacy. No jokes about how so many people starve in North Korea because they eat so 'paw-ly'. Not even this one:

How can you tell if you have a stupid dog?
It chases parked cars!
How can you tell if you have a stupid, Korean dog?It chases parked cars! And then you eat it!


Champagne dog comedy. But I'm serious Kim. Serious like a fox. A fox before you eat it because you think it's a dog. No more Korea jokes. No more Korea blogs. And especially no jokes about your stupid hair.

Except this one.





Love,

Tommy