Damn it Chloe, it's Clobberin' Time

I only geek out over a handful of things. Professional wrestling, Lost, 24, West Wing, X-Men movies, James Bond movies, comic books, World War 2, politics, The Office and Grand Theft Auto games. See, only a few things. It's not called TommyIsCOOLDotCom for nothin', hip cats.

But imagine my surprise, imagine my geek-icity when somebody combined two of my favourite things. No, not Grand Theft Auto: West Wing, I'm talkin' about 24: The COMIC BOOK.






It's called 24: One Shot, and it's.... actually pretty crap. Whoever had the bright idea to make a comic book out of a one-hour television show whose gimmick relies on being a one-hour television show is pretty stupid. Instead of tense, fast-paced thrillrides where Jack Bauer races against the clock to stop a terrorist/bomb/mountain lion, we get occassionally bolded words! And close-ups!





It's set before Season 1 of the show, on Jack's first day at the job at CTU Los Angeles. Fans of the show will recognise some faces, like:

Jack Bauer

Tony Almeda











And some black guy who gets killed straight away












As you can tell, the art is pretty good. Jack looks like Jack. He also bears a stunning resemblance to Kiefer Sutherland. Except in this panel, where he looks like he has Downs Syndrome.

The story involves Jack having to accompany a former Irish Republican Army hot chick/terrorist to.... fucked if I know. It was too confusing. Some kind of meeting. Then their chopper gets shot down, the first of three choppers to be shot down in this single comic book. And then Wolverine pops up for some reason.

Not even Wolverine's mutant healing factor could beat Jack Bauer

The story continues, and then some other, less hot bitch with Swedish milkmaid hair arrives, and then Jack combines his body with a lady who can't close her mouth and shoots the first bitch.

Take that, fourty years of women's rights progress

Then he, Wolverine and The Avengers travel to space to finally destroy Dark Phoenix once and for all.

This comic was shit. It's not even worth me writing a closing statement, so I'll just get Matt, prominent guest blogger, and co-creator of The Derek Granger Chronicles (coming soon to TommyIsCoolDotCom) to do the honours.

In the tradition of truly woeful comic books like 'Jurassic Park: Lex Shows Timmy her Dilophosaurus', the unanticipated crossover 'The Punisher Lays Waste to Barbie's Magical Dream House' and almost every edition of 'The Fantastic Four', 24: One Shot is like very much like a cheap Taiwanese whore - it's ugly, you can't understand most of it, and most of the time that you were supposed to be enjoying yourself you were just praying you'd make it through the ordeal without catching sight of a huge cock.

Too true bro...


Too true.