JFK: Poo-A-Lot

So I'm reading this biography right. And I'm expecting a nice, straight-forward story of a truly inspirational man. I was hoping for some funny anecdotes, witty quotes and impassioned speeches. Instead, the first three chapters are pretty much dedicated to his cock and ass.

Seriously.

I'm not going to tell you who it is until the end of the blog, though I imagine the picture I'll put at the end might give it away, but read the quotes and see if you can guess who it is.

Yes, I'm ripping off Sale Of The Century, cause it's time for WHO AM I?

I was born in 1917 in Brookline, Massachusetts, and I said the following....


"Still can't get used to to the coeds but am taking them in my stride. Expect to cut one of the herd and brand her shortly, but am taking it very slow as do not want to be known as the beast of the East."

One of his favourite sayings, one male friend said, was "wham, bam, thank you ma'am".

He worried that one of his weekend outings might mean "a bundle from heaven. Please keep this under your skin and I wish now I'd kept mine under my skin if you know what I mean."

"I can now get my tail as often and as free as I want which is a step in the right direction."

"All I can say is it's bully to them or more power to my smelly farts."

"I'll be dipped in shit... my bowels have utterly ceased to be of service so the only way I'm going to unload is for them to blow me out from the top down or from the bottom up."

"I've had 18 enemas in 3 days!!!"

"I've got something wrong with my intestines. In other words, I shit blood."

"B.D came to see me today in the hospital and I laid her in the bath-tub."

"The next time I take her out she is going to be presented with a great hunk of raw beef, if you know what I mean."

He complained that his rectum was "plenty red after the hospital. Yours would be red too if you had shoved every thing from rubber tubes to iron pipes up it."

"When I crap I don't even feel it because it's so big."

"I look as bad as I could look, wheezed badly, peed on his [the doctor's] hand when he checked me for a rupture to show I had no control..."

"They (a blonde) took my pants down!! Then they tipped the chair over. Then surrounded by nurses the doctor stuck his finger up my ass. He wiggled it suggestively and I rolled them in the aisles by saying 'you have a good motion'. He then withdrew his finger and then, the schmuck, stuck an iron tube 12 inches long and 1 inch in diameter up my ass. They had a flashlight in it and they looked around."

"I was certainly feeling great as I know you would having a lot of strangers looking up my asshole."



Picked it yet? Maybe this one might help...


"Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country."


Yes, the man who averted nuclear war, who inspired a generation of people, who revolutionised a country and whose death created the century's largest outpouring of shock and grief , President John F. Kennedy.

Life sure is fair.

'Alright John, I'll bless you with natural charisma, the finest mind of your generation and the ability to lead a global superpower, but you're going to have a lot of things shoved up your ass and get your brains blown out when you're 46.

Love, God.

P.S - you also get to bang Marilyn Monroe.'

Anyway, I just thought that was interesting. I also don't think people really needed to know how many times JFK had his anus inspected, but apparently his biographer begged to differ, and I had to read it, so I think it's only fair that you read it too. Let's call it a bonding experience.

"I've had 18 enemas in 3 days!!!"