Good journalists always declare their interests before publishing their opinion. I'm not a good journalist, but I'll do it anyway. What you need to know before you read this blog is that I hate Wil Anderson.

I'm not saying I'm funnier than Wil Anderson, I'm not saying I'm better than him in any way, I just flat out hate him. I hate that while genuinely funny comedians like Ross Noble and Jimeoin are only on TV when Rove is short of guests, Wil Anderson has a weekly show on the ABC, hosts Comedy Festivals and writes a weekly column in the Telegraph's Sunday Magazine.

Nice haircut, fuckwit.

I hate the way he sucks in his saliva after he makes a joke. I hate that his name only has one L, and how I only realised that after I wrote 'Will' twenty-five times in this blog. I hate the way he speaks. I hate the way he always laughs at his own jokes. I hate his big dumb combat boots, and the way he reads my mind. I hate him so much it makes me sick, it even makes me rhyme.

But anyway. Just in case you've managed to escape this hippy bastard, let's condemn you to his inane ramblings courtesy of his most recent 'Sunday Roast' column in Sunday. Not surprisingly, Wil is about 9 months behind the times and has decided to pay out on the ALP for their leadership troubles.

Essentially, Wil's idea of comedic editorial writing is to use lots of similes and hope hilarity ensues. Let's check out some of his best.

• Beazley's approval ratings 'lower than the waistband on Paris Hilton's hipsters' (ZING!)
• Factional system 'more stuffed than Kim Beazley at an all-you-can-eat buffet' (BAM!)
  
• Gillard touting her support of Latham 'like saying you gave relationship advice to Wayne Carey' (KABLOOEY!)
  

Paris Hilton slut joke = check. Kim Beazley fat joke = check. Wayne Carey shags too much joke = check. Truly innovative comedy ladies and gents. All he needed was a Warnie/SMS joke and he'd have the Aussie comedy trifecta. But that's not all. Check out some more gems.

• He says the ALP have combined 'Pin The Tail On The Donkey' and 'Follow The Leader' to make their own game, 'Follow The Leader and Stab Him In The Back'!!

LOLLOLOLOLOL

Because he combined two kids games and added 'stab him in the back'!!!!!!!

Because that's what the ALP does!

They like trechery!!

Like stabbing someone in the back!

Because it's like pinning a tail on a donkey!

And the other game, Follow The Leader, because they follow the leader and then pin a tail in his back!

Because that's another way of saying they betrayed him!

Because they betray their leaders!

It's hilarious!!

I know what you're thinking to yourself. You're thinking, Tommy, the only way this can get funnier is if Wil calls Kevin Rudd 'egg head'. Well guess what? He does.

But Wil didn't stop there. Wil sees that the Australian media are handcuffed by their corporate owners. He understands the plight of journalists across the nation, who yearn to break free from convention and report what they really believe. Yes, Wil strikes a poetic knife through the heart of the Australian media and political establishment by doing what nobody else has done.

He makes two Kim Beazley fat jokes in the same article.

Not content with his innovative, buffet stylings earlier in the piece, Wil creates comedic history and declares that the smell of death surrounding Kim Beazley's leadership 'could well be the kebab he has in his pocket for afternoon tea'.

:O

I'm as shocked as you all. Just look at that emoticon.

Some might say two Beazley fat jokes in the same article shows a complete lack of unoriginality.

Some might say that Wil Anderson is so unfunny and so unoriginal, that chances are he would make a shit joke and then rip it off, creating an even shitter joke. A joke so shit that it may very well bankrupt the Sunday Telegraph.

Some might be right. Because in the final part of his column, Wil says Julia Gillard's voice is so bad that even Shannon Noll would say 'Wow, you're a bit nasal', and then follows that up four paragraphs later by saying Kevin Rudd is so nerdy that even Harry Potter would say 'You're a dork'.

Yes, not content with ripping off every person in Australia who has made Kim Beazley=fat and Rudd=nerdy jokes, Wil rips off HIMSELF by repeating the same shit joke with different people.

Wil is so shit, that he needs to copy jokes from his own article. I don't think you can get much shitter than that. Meanwhile, what's the go with the last name Dickinson?