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Now that my homeboy Mark Latham is calling Labor leaders a bunch of A-Grade arseholes, it's pretty safe to say that Kim Beazley's time will be up soon. I mean, George Bush barely survived Latham calling him incompetent, and it's only natural that Marky Mark will soon turn his sights on Bomber Beazley. He might even call him fat, I don't know. That's just an idea. It needs a bit of work.

SO, it's only fitting that we examine the contenders for the NEW LEADER OF THE LABOR PARTY in a little post I call:

EXAMINING THE CONTENDERS FOR THE NEW LEADER OF THE LABOR PARTY

1. Julia Gillard - Shadow Health Minister


Pros
+ Performed solidly in difficult portfolio
+ Has boobies

Cons
- Inexperienced outside of Health
- Has no penis (that we know of)

2. Kevin Rudd - Shadow Foreign Affairs Minister


Pros
+ Smart, articulate and popular
+ Looks like a vampire, can intimidate Liberals then turn them into the living dead

Cons
- Also inexperienced, lacks leadership qualities
- The only man who speaks gayer than Alexander Downer

3. Gavan O'Connor - Shadow Minister for Agriculture and Fisheries


Pros
+ Been in parliament since 1993
+ Has cool spelling of 'Gavin'

Cons
- Not even Gavan O'Connor knows who the fuck Gavan O'Connor is

4. Simon Crean - Former leader of the Opposition, fucktard


Pros
+ Has prior experience as leader of the Opposition
+ Has support in the Labor Caucus

Cons
- Is Simon Crean

5. A goat - hollow horned, bearded ruminant mammal of the genus Capra


Pros
+ Brings fresh, goat-like look to the ALP Leadership
+ Has strong support amongst vital goat demographics
+ 'Vote Goat' is catchy, rhyming slogan
+ Isn't Simon Crean

Cons
- Isn't human
- Chews up important national security memos



Well folks, it's a difficult decision but it's one that will eventually have to be made. And then made again six months later when the former Opposition Leader/Goat releases his memoirs.

VOTE GOAT 07