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As Mark Latham used to say, you gotta get stuck in ridgy didge. He also said 'AAAH MY FREAKING PANCREAS!@', but that's beside the point. If you're doing something, you aim high, you shoot for the stars, which is why I'm proud to announce the first in what I hope to be a series of CELEBRITY guest blog articles! Yes, actual celebrities writing for MY blog, how cool is that. I had originally gotten Russell Crowe to post some of his poetry, but the dude had to go throw a phone at someone in a New York Hotel. So instead, my second choice - the star of the first three seasons of television's smash hit action drama "24" and films such as "The Girl Next Door", ladies and gents a celebrity blog article by ELISHA CUTHBERT'S NIPPLES

Hi everybody. I'm here to talk to you about a very important issue - the ongoing crisis in Sudan. As you may know, I have been campaigning for stronger international pressure on the government of Sudan to take responsibility for the war crimes commited in the Darfur region. The Sudanese Government commited a terrible atrocity last year, and the international community sat silent while thousands of innocents were slaughtered. The word genocide has a lot of meani-

Excuse me for a moment, it's just a little cold in here. I'm all stiff. I might get Elisha to take off her jacket.


That's better. So in summation, Sudan must be brought to justice for their actions. Thank you.

Wow it's really cold in here, I might see if Elisha would like to rub me for a little while, her soft slender fingers tugging at my fir-


OKITHINKWESHOULDSTOPYOURIGHTTHERE. This has been Elisha Cuthbert's Nipples blog entry. For a full transcript, send me your credit card details and proof of age

I HAVE TO GO NOW ON A COMPLETELY UN-NIPPLE RELATED ISSUE