tommyiscooldotcom

Because of popular demand (two people), I thought I'd whip up a post about Schapelle Corby's sentence. What you guys mightn't know about me is that I spent 4 years in Indonesia practicing law (at the firm of Hindraytti, Sungkar and Tommy), so I reckon I should be able to explain why our Schapelle got twenty in the slammer. Or as they call it in Indonesia, the slammerwati

You see, Schapelle looks like this:


Schapelle being informed she is white
Now you might be able to see in that photo, if you look hard enough, that Schapelle is what we in the legal profession called 'white'. In Indonesia, if you want to be deemed not guilty for drug smuggling or for murdering a few hundred people in a nightclub bombing including 88 Australians, you have to look more like this:



Abu Bakar Bashir, mastermind of the Bali Bombings, posing for the latest issue of TV Week

I really think that's where Schapelle's legal team let her down. I mean, all they needed to do was implement what I call the Al Jolson defense. I whipped this up in a few minutes, and it's not really courtroom standards, but you get the idea:


Michael Jacks- Schapelle Corby

In regards to my Schapelle Corby sweepstakes, nobody chose the correct, hidden option of 'Schapelle gets twenty years, then her fugmo yobbo Mum yells at the judge as Schapelle gets escorted through a mob of journos and cameramen who keep yelling her name like she will stop and give them all ten minute interviews', so nobody wins I'm afraid. Instead, I will keep all the money and spend it on my latent addiction to Texas BBQ Pringles

p..s naomi robson says fuck