I just spoke with one of my supposed mates, let's call him..... Tam. Apparently he doesn't find my blog funny at all. Apparently he doesn't like 'blog things'. Apparently not even my killer Mark Latham Swears A Lot blog entry made him laugh. Well here's what I've got to say to you, Tam:

SYDNEY ROOSTERS 36
Tries: Flannery 2 (40th, 66th), Wing (4th), Catic (13th), Cross (16th), Byrne (19th)
Goals: Crocker 3 from 4, Fitzgibbon 3 from 3
Team: Anthony Minichiello, Todd Byrne, Ryan Cross, Shannon Hegarty, Chris Walker, Brad Fittler (c), Brett Finch, Jason Cayless, Craig Wing, Ned Catic, Adrian Morley, Michael Crocker, Luke Ricketson. Subs: Chris Flannery, Andrew Lomu, Craig Fitzgibbon, Stuart Webb.
defeated NEWCASTLE KNIGHTS 8
Tries: M.Gidley (47th)
Goals: Abraham 2 from 2
Team: Robbie O'Davis, Craig Hall, Matthew Gidley, Adam MacDougall, Anthony Quinn, Sean Rudder, Kurt Gidley, Josh Perry, Danny Buderus, Matt Parsons, Steve Simpson, Daniel Abraham, Ben Kennedy (c). Subs: Adam Woolnough, Reegan Tanner, Luke Quigley, Matthew Kennedy.
Venue: Aussie Stadium (Roosters) Date: Sat Sep 13 7:30pm


Go listen to some Missy Higgins, you great big girl.

According to ABC News, former Opposition Leader/Professional Wrestler Mark Latham is releasing his 2004 Election Diary. Now, I was a pretty hardcore Latham fan. I thought he'd make a great PM and still do. He didn't like to bullshit around issues, and you knew he believed in the policies he pushed. He is also not John Howard.

Anyway, my support of Latham wasn't just a one-way thing. Me and Marky Mark go way back. I was the one who told him to call Howard an 'arselicker'. Anyway, because of my lifelong support and my 'get out the vote' efforts in Mitchell, where I single-handedly got a 0.000001% swing towards the ALP Candidate, Mark has sent me an advanced copy of his diary. All unedited. Mind the foul language though, he swears like a sailor. He also has pancreatis, which has nothing to do at all with swearing, but I believe has something to do with the pancreas. Or the 'itis'. I'm not a doctor. Anyway, here's the extracts:


Diary Entry #1 - Sunday, August 29th, 2004

Fucking Howard that big eyebrowed piece of shit arselicking suckhole dickrash.


I know, this is Booker award winning stuff. And I thought Bill Clinton was good with words. Let's take a look at another entry from halfway through the campaign, where Labor's lead in the polls was slipping away.

Diary Entry #2 - Saturday, September 18th, 2004

Fucking howard that piece of shit big eyebrowed dickrash suckhole arselicker.

How did this guy not become PM? Anyway, one final look, that's all his publisher will let me show. Let's see what he said after Howard's re-election.

Diary Entry #3 - Sunday, October 10th, 2004

FUCKING HOWARD THAT BIG EYEBROWED DICKRASEH SUCKEOHLE FUXCKEING COSKSUCEKR ARSE HOLE WITH HISWE FUCEINTEREST RATES FUCKING BEAZLEY

Notice the subtle contrasts with the earlier entries? The way he used the words to paint a picture of his emotions, yet leaving the reader wanting more? I think Mark has a future in writing. Maybe even children's books.

I normally only mention this when I'm trying to impress a chick, but I'm not just a bludging uni media student, I'm also a pretty big player down at Subway at Winston Hills. I'm both a qualified sandwich and wrap artist, and I also make a mean Subway cookie. To put it simply, I'm the fucking pants.

Now, Subway run ads on Sydney radio stations where they'll get a store manager to go 'Hi I'm Spiros I'm the manager at Subway Cabramatta' so listeners know that next time they're escaping the Vietnamese Triads in Cabramatta they can pick up a foot-long. Anyway, as I was having a shower this morning (pics will be posted later) I hear 'Hi I'm Jessica, I'm the manager at Subway Winston Hills'.

NO, YOU'RE NOT.

Without breaking a whole bunch of privacy laws, there is a girl named Jessica who works at Subway Winston Hills, but she works only a few shifts on the weekends. She is about as far from manager as you can get. On a scale of 1 to manager, she's a 2, and I'm rounding up here. So what's the deal, Subway promotions? Not only are you overlooking my soothing, baritone voice for your gay ads, you're LYING TO THE AUSTRALIAN PEOPLE.



I'M TAKING THIS STRAIGHT TO THE TOP SUBGAY

YOU HEAR ME


STRAIGHT TO THE TOP

WARNING: THE FOLLOWING IS A SERIOUS POST AND MAY MAKE YOU GET ALL PATRIOTIC IF YOU'RE AUSTRALIAN. IT IS NOT RECCOMENDED FOR CHILDREN UNDER THE AGE OF 15

As all of you know, today (for the next 20 minutes at least) is Anzac Day. I know most of you do this already, but everyone should take a moment today to give silent thanks to the toughest SOBs in the history of Australia and New Zealand. Never forget that the only reason we have the freedom to run footy tipping comps and play pokies at the RSL is because the Anzacs gave their lives on the battlefields of Europe and the islands of the Pacific. The only reason we can talk about how awesome that episode of Lost was in English, not Japanese or German, is because an entire generation of young Australians and New Zealanders gave up everything to fight not just for our country and the Commonwealth, but for the cause of peace and security.

In World War 1, they saw thousands of their own men slaughtered on the shores of Gallipoli, but they kept fighting. It wasn't like WW2 where the soldiers knew they were fighting for the very survival of their country, these guys were willing to walk into a death trap because they believed in the cause. That requires some serious guts. Jack Bauer has nothing on the diggers.

And we should also never forget the actions of the Anzacs in World War 2. Gallipoli gets all the attention because it was the big nation-building event, but the Anzacs in WW2 literally saved this country. The diggers that fought on the Kokoda Trail, carrying massive packs, deprived of food and medical supplies, walking kilometres every day on a trail that modern-day football teams struggle to finish during team-building exercises were some of the greatest men our countries have produced.

Not on just this day, but on every day for the rest of our lives - Lest we forget.


(see I can make serious posts too)

I don't like people who have blogs. I don't like how people think the net is a place to bitch about boring crap and think people will care. I don't even know why I have a blog. Nonetheless, I am willing to be a massive hypocrite because it will give me an opportunity to use cool words like 'Nonetheless'. At the very least, this site will be less gay than my old website, which I'd give a link to but it doesn't work anymore, and if it was unleashed onto the blogsphere would create a wormhole of suck that would destroy the entire internet.

At least that's what they want you to think

So yeah, hope you like my site (I was going to write 'my little corner of the internet', but that sounds incredibly lame). Don't expect much though, it will mainly just be me bitching about John Howard, Channel Nine, the NRL, Vince McMahon and the ALP. Sometimes all at once, in a massive cacophony of bitching. And hopefully if all goes well, I'll get a nice cushy book deal and spend the rest of my life in a nice house in Kellyville Ridge eating donuts and watching 24.