Matthew Reilly: 100% Straight

Regular readers should know my position on best-selling Australian author Matthew Reilly - lying on his back in a small ditch slowly filling with dirt and shredded copies of Ice Station.

And they should also know that I don't like him. And neither does the Sydney Morning Herald's photo editor or caption writer, judging by this:

Matthew is smirking because he is thinking in itallics

(At this point, Tommy resisted from drawing a cartoon penis on Matthew's face, because the last blog was too literal)

And come on, Reilly. Did your mum buy that shirt for you? 'Super Hero'? The little black and grey patches? Red after Labor Day? What were you thinking?

And who holds their jeans when they pose for photos? And the brick wall? Is this a publicity shot or an album cover?

And the quotes in the article. Good lord.

"In Seven Ancient Wonders, Jack West and his team break someone out of Guantanamo Bay. I'm not going to preach to people and say, 'Guantanamo Bay, bad', but I will have my hero go and break somebody out of it and maybe people will think about it that way."

Wow Matt, that's so deep. Who needs an in-depth critique of the execution of the war on terror, or even a complex moral argument about the justification of torture in order to prevent civilian deaths when we've got your crayon written shit.

'Well, I wanted to let the audience make up their own mind about abortion, but I will have my hero prevent the spread of a biological virus by terminating fetuses with a clothes hanger and a length of rope,' Reilly added, curling his poofy fringe.

Now, I don't want to risk getting sued by his publicist, but let's just say Ratthew Meilly sounds an awful lot like the name of the prominent Australian author who is a giant wanker. Thank you.