Big Brother 2007 - Meet The Bogans

After the 'I got lots of hits' success of last year's blogs about Big Brother, here's the 2007 version. The show launched last night, and I was pretty underwhelmed. The secret relationships sound interesting, but eh. I want psychological torture, and fake Krystal tits. That's all.

In today's blog, we meet the Housemates.



Aleisha

- A bubbly and lively hairdresser, one of eight children
- Claims to have never read a book cover to cover
- Can suck a golf ball through a garden hose





Thomas

- A real estate agent and former pro basketballer
- Saved two children from drowning during a holiday in Bali
- Thinks he can get away with a popped collar just because he's a fuckin' hero




Hayley

- A former body-sculptor turned lawyer, who loves to gossip
- Won Miss Natural Olympia, Miss Natural Figure and Miss Open Figure
- Also won Miss Natural Forehead, amid rumours of implants




Jamie

- A self-proclaimed nerd, who finds dates in chat rooms
- Grew up in an orphanage until he was 6
- Has absolutely no chance of sleeping with anybody in the house
- Except maybe Gretel.



Rebecca

- An events manager, and a Life Be In It coach
- Has never drunk alcohol or worn a bikini.
- Holy shit she's a Mormon
- Oh my god that's so awesome
- Kinda hot


Shane Warne

- Legendary Australian spin bowler
- A true ladies man
- Has self-zincing lips
- *obligatory joke about not being able to send SMS in the house*



Bodie

- An electrical designer from WA.
- Also claims to be an underwear model and gym junkie, whose greatest fear is getting a double chin.
- Has no upper lip




TJ

- Works as a barmaid in Darwin
- Claims to have thought that Prince Charles was Diana's brother until a year ago
- Was also born in Darwin, which is why her name is only two letters
- Most likely a dyke



Joel

- A restaurant manager, elite athlete, neat freak and Young Liberal
- His friends describe him as the funniest person they know
- Chooses friends who don't recognise the irony of a Young Liberal being 'the funniest person they know'
- Most likely a dyke


Emma

- A personal trainer, and the eldest of seven children
- Nose






Cruz

- Born in PNG, a practicing Christian that runs his own clothing label
- Not a housemate yet, one of a choice of 3 guys to be voted in the house, who I only included because...
- Cruz believes men are superior to women because Jesus was a man.
- Wicked. And he's black.


Andrew/WWE World Champion John Cena

- A firefighter and self-described 'softy'
- The thing Andrew will miss most in the house is his puppy.
- This dude is totally going to win
- Defeated Shawn Michaels at Wrestlemania 23



Kate

- A lawyer and former champion debator.
- Was accepted into Oxford, but couldn't fit through the doors
- Is actually Jay Leno.







Awesome. And only three of them have STDs.