tommyiscooldotcom

Thanks to the majority of the people on our Contiki tour being Australian, and the repressive policies of the Howard Government entrenching cultural conservatism amongst young Australians, our tour was pretty tame compared to what you'd normally imagine a Contiki tour would be (the 6:30am wake-ups also played a part). But there were definitely some characters on the tour, from our tour guide Jennifer (who was way too funny for a chick), the annoying pommy chick, the guy who knocked on Jennifer's door in the middle of the night at the Grand Canyon in absolute freezing temperatures wearing only a pair of boxer shorts, and of course...

The Zammit.



You might have seen him already if you looked at my trip photos, but one photo does not do Dave Zammit justice. You see, there were 3 of us on the Contiki tour, and Contiki is based on twin-share prices meaning poor old Richie had to shack/shag up with a stranger. And when we looked around the group, there was pretty much only one guy we thought would suck to room with (no pun intended). And that was the Zammit. He wore Superman glasses and a Gortex jacket (not pictured) ala George from Seinfeld, and on the first night entertained us with a story of how he found a good sneaker store. Wow. He reminded me of Kyle's really, really Jewish cousin from South Park, except without the hard-on for the Old Testament.

But then everything changed.

In the few days it took us to travel from San Diego to Phoenix, the Zammit went from the geekiest guy on tour, to the coolest, geekiest guy on tour. Because the Zammit had a few tricks up his sleeve. A love of hip hop, and a penchant for laying down some phat freestyling beats. This dude must have taken 3-Unit Thuganomics at school, because his rhymes were TIGHT. They were first shown when we did 'Introductions' on the Contiki bus, and he finished his by saying WEST SIDEE MOTHER FUCKKKERRRR! But the 'Z-Unit' only busted out his true talent as the bus pulled into Scottsdale, Arizona. Yes, the Zammit gave us a full-blown freestyle rap, so good it may have even pimped our ride. Take a look for yourself, says Tommy, pointing downwards.

No, not there you sicko. The embedded video idea I stole from Matt.