Tuesday, February 28

I love Pringles. Always have. I remember my first taste of God's gift to potato chips, back when I was about 11. I remember whenever I was off sick from school, my Mum would get me some Pringles and a video to watch. Life was good. Pringles were even better.

And then the motherfuckers got rid of Cheez-Ums.

It used to be that Pringles came in four flavours back then - Original, Sour Cream and Onion, BBQ and Cheez-Ums. A four-way of flavour. A syndicate of savoury. A word describing group of a synonym for flavour beginning with the same letter. But around 1999, the Fab Four were broken up. No Yoko Ono this time, though there are rumours that Cheez-Ums were discontinued in Australia due to high MSG content, and she was Asian so you never know.

Yoko may be hiding Cheez Pringles in her hair in this photograph taken in 1978.


Pringles tried to compensate by releasing new flavours into the Australian market. Cheese and Onion. Paprika. Pizza. All of them flew by the wayside, unable to measure up to the oheesy goodness of Cheez-Ums, the King of Pringles. Sure, I'd eat them. I'd even enjoy them. But everytime I popped, I thought of my old flame. I thought of how I used to eat a whole pack in a day. How I used to 'melt' them on my tongue. The feel of her soft, cheesy flavouring filing my mouth. Oh god, how I loved thee.

All this time, Cheez-Ums Pringles were available in the United States. So, on the very first day in America, a mere hour and a half after we arrived in our hotel in Annaheim, I ran down to the hotel gift shop. And what was staring me in the face?

Perfection.


Say Cheez lol

Stacks of Cheez-Ums Pringles. $1 for a small can. I bought two. The taste was divine, the aftertaste not so much. Combined with a furry, jetlagged mouth, I could taste Cheez-Ums well into the night. I was in Pringles Heaven. Yes, Pringeven.

The affair was short-lived. Sure, there were more Cheez-Ums Pringles in Phoenix. More in Vegas. A few in Vancouver, coupled with some Ketchup flavoured Pringles. But like all affairs, it ended abruptly. I returned to Sydney with a bag full of American chocolate, but no Pringles. That part of my life was over.

Cut to yesterday. Fade into Woolworths, Winston Hills. Star wipe to me pushing a trolley through Aisle 5. Close-up of my chiseled face. Sounds of artillery fire in the background. The camera pans, halfway up the aisle, resting on a tight shot of cans of Pringles. Different coloured cans of Pringles...

New flavours of Pringles.

Yes, those fuckers had betrayed me once again. New 'Tastes of The World' Pringles, including 'Tomato and Mozarella', and 'Smoky Bacon'. Wow, how exotic. Tomato and bacon. What obscure nations have these... how you say 'tomato and bacon'. Do they dine on bacon much in the French Riveria? Is Tomato a delicacy in South America? Hey, I hear CHEESE IS PRETTY FUCKING POPULAR, WHY DON'T YOU MAKE SOME CHEESE PRINGLES?! WHO SKIPS TO BACON FLAVOURED CHIPS BEFORE CHEESE?! YOU HAVE CHEESE FLAVOURING! YOU TAUNT ME BY MIXING CHEESE FLAVOURING WITH TOMATO FLAVOURING BEFORE EVEN CONSIDERING THAT SOMEBODY MIGHT LIKE CHEESE FLAVOURING BY ITSELF ON A FUCKING CHIP!@w I KNOW THAT'S A WACKY IDEA, CHEESE FLAVOURED CHIPS, BUT MAYBE YOU'D MAKE A BIT MORE MONEY IF YOU COVERED THAT BASE BEFORE RELEASING PAPRIKA FLAVOURED FUCKING POTATO CHIPS YOU SMILING SON OF A BITCH MR PRINGLES!#@w


PROOF.

91 comments:

Anonymous said...

hahaha u convinced me

Anonymous said...

just eat doritos dumbass

Anonymous said...

Tommy, i think you're being a bit too down on the Pringles people. They probably just ran out of cheese in the australian factories and chucked in whatever they could find. Whether this was a pig, a bag of onions, or even a spice no one really knows what to do with.

After all, Pringles were originally meant to be a tennis ball factory. However, in the spirit of not being organised, on the opening day, when the rubber was meant to turn up, truckloads of potatoes arrived instead. Instead of sending them away, they thought, Bugger it, lets make chips instead.

Tommy said...

poose if you're going to quote mitch hedburg at least have the decency to say fuck instead of bugger

Anonymous said...

Paprika Pringles? I mean, honestly, What the fuck?

Anonymous said...

well we rekon there shud be GERKEN FLAVOURED PRINGLES!!!! like the goodas aerobics team!

Anonymous said...

buy xanax bars cheap xanax + mastercard - overdose on xanax how many

Anonymous said...

zolpidem tartarate ambien side effects night eating - generic ambien online no prescription

Anonymous said...

valium generic valium no prescription australia - can i buy valium in uk

Anonymous said...

xanax online will xanax and alcohol kill you - xanax no prescription usa

Anonymous said...

lorazepam drug ativan valium - what is ativan addiction

Anonymous said...

buy diazepam diazepam dosage for sedation - diazepam nightmares

Anonymous said...

cheapest ativan ativan 0.25 mg - buy lorazepam online

Anonymous said...

cheap ativan online ativan help quit smoking - ativan xr

Anonymous said...

order soma online who makes generic soma - is buying soma online illegal

Anonymous said...

soma 350 mg carisoprodol sleep - soma online overnight cod

Anonymous said...

buy ambien online ambien side effects jaw pain - buy vicodin ambien online

Anonymous said...

soma online buy soma safely online - where to buy soma intimates

Anonymous said...

ambien sleep medication ambien online overnight delivery - ambien zolpidem

Anonymous said...

buy valium online valium generalized anxiety disorder - how to buy valium online in australia

Anonymous said...

buy cheap soma can you overdose carisoprodol - carisoprodol 350 mg generic for

Anonymous said...


Good post. I learn something totally new and challenging on websites I stumbleupon everyday. It will always be interesting to read through articles from other authors and practice a little something from their websites.

Anonymous said...

Blogger: tommyiscooldotcom - Post a Comment acomplia 20mg pills - rimonabant online http://www.a6soft.com/#rimonabant-online

Anonymous said...

Hi, MoxoredapeTox roaccutane price - purchase accutane http://www.josoclasolucio.com/#buy-cheap-isotretinoin

Anonymous said...

Hi, MoxoredapeTox finasteride without rx - propecia 5mg http://www.wheretobuymedsonline.com/propecia/

Anonymous said...

Maax Trivue Mirror Medicine Cabinet buy generic prednisone - cheap prednisone http://www.prednisone4sale.com/#cheap-prednisone

Anonymous said...

Drug Dogs Serving South Jersey prednisone price - prednisone sale http://www.prednisone4sale.com/#prednisone-sale

Anonymous said...

Veterinary Medicine In 1917 order acomplia - buy acomplia no prescription http://www.buydiscountedisotretinoin.net/#buy-acomplia-no-prescription

Anonymous said...

Hello, cheap lipitor - atorvastatin cost http://www.costoflipitoronline.net/#atorvastatin-cost

Anonymous said...

Hello, buy lipitor no prescription - cheap generic lipitor http://www.costoflipitoronline.net/#cheap-generic-lipitor

Anonymous said...

Hello, cheap lipitor no prescription - buy atorvastatin online http://www.costoflipitoronline.net/#buy-atorvastatin-online

Anonymous said...

advitleva order finasteride online - cheap finasteride 5mg http://www.bestpricefinasteride.com/

Anonymous said...

Hello, cytotec pills - cytotec online no prescription http://www.cytotecforlessonline.net/#cytotec-online-no-prescription

Anonymous said...

advitleva generic seroquel online - generic quetiapine http://www.seroqueldiscounts.com/

Anonymous said...

advitleva buy propecia no prescription - cheap propecia online http://www.bestpricefinasteride.com/

Anonymous said...

Alternative Medicine Homeopathic Radiation Exposur buy topiramate online - generic topamax http://www.topamaxbetterprice.com/

Anonymous said...

Drug Bust Philadelphia purchase topamax online - discount topamax http://www.topamaxbetterprice.com/

Anonymous said...

dalsCleax generic lasix - order furosemide online no prescription http://www.lasixonlinesale.com/#order-furosemide-online-no-prescription

Anonymous said...

Erythronium Medication effexor xr no prescription - buy venlafaxine er http://www.forrealbeachresort.com/ - [url=http://www.forrealbeachresort.com/]generic effexor xr [/url]

Anonymous said...

Drug Guide Picture buy cheap phentermine 37.5 - purchase phentermine online http://www.illinoishelmetproject.com/phentermine.html, [url=http://www.illinoishelmetproject.com/phentermine.html]buy generic phentermine [/url]

Anonymous said...

Breast Enhancement Pills Cream purchase meridia - buy meridia no prescription http://www.meridiaonlineorder.net/#buy-meridia-no-prescription , [url=http://www.meridiaonlineorder.net/#meridia-cost ]meridia cost [/url]

Anonymous said...

2, zolpidem for sale - buy ambien online http://www.opensourcewcms.com/#buy-ambien-online , [url=http://www.opensourcewcms.com/#ambien-online ]ambien online [/url]

Anonymous said...

2, ambien for sale online - buy generic ambien online http://www.opensourcewcms.com/#buy-generic-ambien-online , [url=http://www.opensourcewcms.com/#ambien-for-sale-no-prescription ]ambien for sale no prescription [/url]

Anonymous said...

2, finasteride no prescription - buy propecia online http://www.propeciagenericforsale.com/#propecia-price , [url=http://www.propeciagenericforsale.com/#cheap-propecia ]buy propecia [/url]

Anonymous said...

2, buy ambien online without prescription - ambien for sale online http://www.opensourcewcms.com/#ambien-for-sale-online , [url=http://www.opensourcewcms.com/#buy-generic-ambien-online ]buy generic ambien online [/url]

Anonymous said...

t, levitra without prescription - vardenafil price http://www.levitrapillsforsale.net/#vardenafil-price , [url=http://www.levitrapillsforsale.net/#cost-of-levitra ]cost of levitra [/url]

Anonymous said...

tfv order clomid online no prescription - clomiphene online pharmacy http://www.clomidonlinediscount.net/#buy-clomiphene, [url=http://www.clomidonlinediscount.net/#buy-clomiphene]clomiphene online [/url]

Anonymous said...

tfv [url=http://www.zithromaxonlinerx.net/#azithromycin-online ]azithromycin online pharmacy [/url] - zithromax no prescription - zithromax sale http://www.zithromaxonlinerx.net/#azithromycin-price ,

Anonymous said...

tni order cytotec - cytotec medication http://www.cytoteconlinecheap.net/#cytotec-price, [url=http://www.cytoteconlinecheap.net/#cytotec-price]order cytotec no prescription [/url]

Anonymous said...

rvb cymbalta medication - low cost cymbalta http://www.cymbaltaonlineprice.net/#low-cost-cymbalta , [url=http://www.cymbaltaonlineprice.net/#cymbalta-no-prescription-needed ]cymbalta no prescription needed [/url]

Anonymous said...

losneyfgd where to buy adipex online - generic adipex online http://www.costofadipex375.com/#generic-adipex-online , [url=http://www.costofadipex375.com/#purchase-adipex ]purchase adipex [/url]

Anonymous said...

losneyfgd cheap accutane online - roaccutane price http://www.anthonykingblog.com/#roaccutane-price , [url=http://www.anthonykingblog.com/#purchase-accutane ]purchase accutane [/url]

Anonymous said...

3. buy ativan online no prescription - lorazepam online no prescription http://www.wheretobuymedsonline.com/#lorazepam-online-no-prescription , [url=http://www.wheretobuymedsonline.com/#ativan-online-pharmacy ]ativan online pharmacy [/url]

Anonymous said...

6, klonopin for sale - klonopin online http://www.klonopinsaleonline.com/#buy-klonopin, [url=http://www.klonopinsaleonline.com/#generic-klonopin-online]buy klonopin[/url]

Anonymous said...

6, klonopin online sale - klonopin no prescription http://www.klonopinsaleonline.com/#klonopin-sale, [url=http://www.klonopinsaleonline.com/#buy-cheap-klonopin]buy klonopin[/url]

Anonymous said...

6, provigil without prescription - provigil online no prescription http://www.provigilonlinediscount.com/#provigil-no-rx, [url=http://www.provigilonlinediscount.com/#order-provigil-online]order provigil[/url]

Anonymous said...

ooo!!! Cheap Topamax - topiramate without prescription http://www.cheaptopamaxorder.net/#topamax-for-sale, [url=http://www.cheaptopamaxorder.net/#topamax-for-sale]Topamax For Sale[/url]

Anonymous said...

ooo!!! Buy Topiramate - topamax price http://www.cheaptopamaxorder.net/#buy-topiramate, [url=http://www.cheaptopamaxorder.net/#buy-topiramate]Cheap Topamax[/url]

Anonymous said...

ooo!!! Topamax Online - generic topiramate http://www.cheaptopamaxorder.net/#topamax-for-sale, [url=http://www.cheaptopamaxorder.net/#topamax-for-sale]Topamax For Sale[/url]

Anonymous said...

2013 prednisone cost - prednisone drug http://www.prednisoneonlinerx.net/index.html, [url=http://www.prednisoneonlinerx.net/index.html]prednisone for sale [/url]

Anonymous said...

2013 zyban online - order zyban http://www.wellbutrinforsaleonline.net/, [url=http://www.wellbutrinforsaleonline.net/]zyban drug [/url]

Anonymous said...

2013 discount prednisone - generic prednisone http://www.prednisoneonlinerx.net/index.html, [url=http://www.prednisoneonlinerx.net/index.html]generic prednisone online [/url]

Anonymous said...

2013 zyban pills - zyban no prescription http://www.wellbutrinforsaleonline.net/, [url=http://www.wellbutrinforsaleonline.net/]zyban without prescription [/url]

Anonymous said...

2, cheap furosemide - buy lasix http://www.lasixordernow.net/#lasix-online, [url=http://www.lasixordernow.net/#lasix-cost]cheap furosemide[/url]

Anonymous said...

2, cheap furosemide - lasix without rx http://www.lasixordernow.net/#lasix-cost, [url=http://www.lasixordernow.net/#cheap-furosemide]lasix cost[/url]

Anonymous said...

g, buy imitrex without prescription - imitrex without rx http://itrafficgeneration.com/#imitrex-without-rx , [url=http://itrafficgeneration.com/#buy-generic-imitrex ]buy generic imitrex [/url]

Anonymous said...

g, order diazepam online - diazepam for sale no prescription http://www.diazepamhowtopurchase.com/#diazepam-for-sale-no-prescription , [url=http://www.diazepamhowtopurchase.com/#purchase-valium-online ]purchase valium online [/url]

Anonymous said...

g, Chemistry Online - http://www.onlinewritinghelp101.com/chemistry.html#chemistry-online, [url=http://www.onlinewritinghelp101.com/chemistry.html#chemistry-project]Chemistry Assignments[/url]

Anonymous said...

g, imitrex no prescription needed - cost of imitrex http://itrafficgeneration.com/#cost-of-imitrex , [url=http://itrafficgeneration.com/#purchase-imitrex ]purchase imitrex [/url]

Anonymous said...

g, generic levitra for sale - cheap levitra 20mg http://www.recoverinchrist.org/#cheap-levitra-20mg , [url=http://www.recoverinchrist.org/#vardenafil-no-prescription ]vardenafil no prescription [/url]

Anonymous said...

ny, Biology Online - http://www.onlinewritinghelp101.com/biology.html#biology-project, [url=http://www.onlinewritinghelp101.com/biology.html#biology-online]Biology Online[/url]

Anonymous said...

Hi, purchase clonazepam online - klonopin pills http://hernanicardoso.com/#klonopin-sale, [url=http://hernanicardoso.com/#klonopin-cost]buy clonazepam without prescription [/url]

Anonymous said...

4, buy strattera - buy strattera online http://www.stratterafastonline.net/, [url=http://www.stratterafastonline.net/]buy strattera online no prescription [/url]

Anonymous said...

4, generic strattera - order strattera online no prescription http://www.stratterabenefits.net/#atomoxetine-online-pharmacy, [url=http://www.stratterabenefits.net/#generic-strattera]buy strattera[/url]

Anonymous said...

2, [url=http://www.nexiumonlinefaq.net/]Nexium 20mg[/url] - Cost Of Nexium - buy nexium without prescription http://www.nexiumonlinefaq.net/.

Anonymous said...

2, [url=http://www.zolofthelpsleep.net/]Cheap Zoloft[/url] - Zoloft Online - generic zoloft online http://www.zolofthelpsleep.net/.

Anonymous said...

[url=http://www.isotretinoinonsale.net/]cheap accutane [/url] - accutane no prescription - buy accutane online http://www.isotretinoinonsale.net/.

Anonymous said...

[url=http://www.isotretinoinonsale.net/]purchase isotretinoin [/url] - cheap generic accutane - accutane without rx http://www.isotretinoinonsale.net/.

Anonymous said...

generic sumatriptan - cheap imitrex no prescription http://www.imitrexbenefits.net/, [url=http://www.imitrexbenefits.net/]buy imitrex[/url]

Anonymous said...

6, [url=http://www.stratterarxcoupon.net/]Buy Strattera[/url] - Generic Strattera - cheap strattera http://www.stratterarxcoupon.net/ .

Anonymous said...

6, [url=http://www.nexiumpricewatch.net/] Nexium Online[/url] - Nexium Online - buy generic nexium no prescription http://www.nexiumpricewatch.net/ .

Anonymous said...

6, [url=http://www.nexiumpricewatch.net/]cheap nexium no prescription [/url] - order nexium online - generic nexium online http://www.nexiumpricewatch.net/.

Anonymous said...

5, [url=http://www.cheapzoloftrx.net/] Zoloft For Sale[/url] - Cheap Sertraline - buy sertraline online http://www.cheapzoloftrx.net/ .

Anonymous said...

11, [url=http://www.solarcraftaudio.com/]cheap gabapentin[/url] - cheap gabapentin - neurontin pills http://www.solarcraftaudio.com/ .

Anonymous said...

11, [url=http://www.nemedicalmassage.com/]Reductil Price [/url] - Cheap Sibutramine - where to buy meridia diet pills http://www.nemedicalmassage.com/ .

Anonymous said...

11, [url=http://mediati.org/]Order Soma[/url] - Cheap Carisoprodol - generic soma no prescription http://mediati.org/ .

Anonymous said...

11, [url=http://mediati.org/]Generic Soma[/url] - Order Soma - buy soma http://mediati.org/ .

Anonymous said...

14, [url=http://lamereglass.com/] Buy Rimonabant [/url] - Acomplia Online - generic rimonabant http://lamereglass.com/ .

Anonymous said...

14, [url=http://topbookmarksonline.com/]Klonopin Online[/url] - Klonopin Generic - buy clonazepam http://topbookmarksonline.com/

Anonymous said...

17, [url=http://www.terrazadelnorte.com/] Order Soma [/url] - Soma Cost - carisoprodol online http://www.terrazadelnorte.com/ .

homework answers said...

Thanks for this great information. I totally agree with your perspective. Your articles made me want to read more.