tommyiscooldotcom

I haven't written anything for the blog in ages, and it looks like the homo marriage blog has quietened down, so I've been trawling through the news looking for something to comment on.

There was the awesome raid against suspected terrorists in Sydney and Melbourne this morning, and also the terrorist suspect who got shot in the neck by the cops at Green Valley, which is equally awesome, especially if it was captured on film and starred Benincio Del Toro.

Then there was the Lane Cove tunnel collapse last week, which should give those dickheads at the Lane Cove Tunnel Action group some more stuff to bitch about on their annoying signs on Epping Rd.

There's also the riots in France, where France proved once again they're the toughest mofos on the planet by letting a bunch of unemployed youths hold a few cities to ransom. I believe the French Government's next course of action is to send in copies of 'Pootie Tang' to calm down the rioters, as it is obviously against French custom to SHOOT PEOPLE WHO BURN THINGS.

And Bert signed with Channel Nine!

But none of this stuff really interests me (except for Bert). Not when there is something even more important to write about. Something that is perhaps the most important topic I have ever discussed on TommyIsCoolDotCom.


Nicolas Cage is a tool.


You'd think the star of movies like Face Off, Con Air and National Treasure would be a cool guy. You'd think that a legendary action movie star wou-

Wait wait wait, he was in National Treasure?

Oh well fuck him.


Hello, I have Down Syndrome

Nicolas Cage is an arrogant piece of overhyped bald crap. This buck-toothed tool has the hide to criticise the producers of the latest James Bond film, because they rejected him for being 'American'. Apparently Nic thinks:

"You can cast a Brit to play Bond but you can never cast an American to play him.

"I think that is totally unfair."

I shouldn't really have a go at him, after all I said the same thing when I was rejected for the role of Shaft. Apparently only a black person can play a black detective now. I thought we lived in a democracy, or at least a sub-democracy.

JAMES BOND IS BRITISH

JAMES BOND IS NOT BALDING

JAMES BOND SHOULD NOT BE PLAYED BY ANYBODY WHO HAD ANYTHING TO DO WITH 'GONE IN SIXTY SECONDS'

YOU, NICOLAS CAGE, STAR OF 'IT COULD HAPPEN TO YOU', CAN NOT PLAY JAMES BOND. NEITHER CAN THIS GUY:


He has his Sake shaken, not stirred

IF SAMMO HUNG CAN DEAL WITH NOT BEING JAMES BOND, SO CAN YOU


AND YOU CAN'T PLAY FUCKING SUPERMAN EITHER