tommyiscooldotcom

Live8, the massive global concert aimed at putting pressure on the leaders of the G8 to help end global poverty, finished this morning. Now, I don't want to sound like a hater, but 'putting pressure on the leaders of the G8' isn't going to do much to end global poverty. Two G8 leaders, Bush and Blair, ignored some of the largest global protests in the history of mankind when they invaded Iraq. People nodding along with Bob Geldolf and Bono at a rock concert, then going home three hours later, isn't exactly intense political pressure to these guys.

All Live8 does is give the G8 leaders an excuse to slap themselves on the back and win brownie points with people who hate them, because a month before Live8, they'd already written off 100% of the $40 billion in debt owed by the world's 18 poorest countries.

Don't get me wrong, Live8 was a terrific idea, and not just because it contained all the world's most annoying and preachy musicians in one place. Raising awareness is also terrific. Rich countries forgiving third world debt is even better. Leaders like Tony Blair and Gordon Brown trying to further reduce debt is even better than that, but it still doesn't do anything to fix the causes of African poverty. You could get rid of all of Africa's debt, then give them another $100 billion, and you wouldn't end poverty on the continent. You wouldn't even make a dent. Poverty is such a massive problem in Africa because some of the countries are still run by fucktard dictators who care more about their gold-plated mistresses than the babies who don't have any food, and because 1st World governments and companies have been stripping Africa dry for centuries.

So that's why I propose, rather than spending money on 30 second commercials where celebrities look at you accusingly and click their fingers, we throw around the hat and collect some money for a program I call Dead8.


An artist's impression of the Dead8 Logo if it was created by a 20 year old Media student with no prior graphic design experience

We choose 8 of Africa's most brutal dictators, then shoot them (preferably with an 8mm pistol to go along with the '8' theme - this is negotiable). Then we get their bodies, gut them, and then throw the guts on the board members of the companies like British Gas who have bought up Equitorial Guinea's natural gas production for the next seventeen years, or British Bank LIB which was caught out in a scheme to monopolise Liberia's telecommunications and diamonds. Perhaps we could make sure every bucket of dictator guts weighs 8 kilos for the '8' theme. Again this is negotiable, as guts are very hard to weigh. Perhaps if we had an industrial blender to puree the guts it would be easier to create 8 kilogram portions. I don't know, I'm not a gut scientist.


An artist's impression of a bucket of guts, don't ask me why the skeleton has hair

If you would like to contribute to Dead8 please send me lots of money and the HEAD OF BONO