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Well folks I promised you SPECIAL GUEST BLOGGERS and I've delivered, here with the very first guest article is my good friend and duck hunting partner MC SCOTTY

CRESTWOOD REPRESENT


When Batman Doesn't Return Your Calls

Now I am not one to talk about worldly events, or as Fox News likes to call it ‘communist propaganda’, but it is time to confront a problem as old and elitist as 3-unit English.

Giving murderers cool names is only encouraging the problem. If you call someone the ‘Beltway Sniper’ (or to us: Highway Sniper) they have a cool name and subsequently a reputation to uphold. Giving someone a cool title gives them instant status and fame, so how about giving them a name so bad that they will want to quit: because there is no point being remembered if you don’t have as much respect and street cred as someone with a pimped out ride. If you take this to the other extreme and give them a name like the ‘Beltway Ass Clown’ then the homicidal maniac would not want to continue pursuing a career that the general news watching public considers relating to clowning of the anal variety.

The Unabomber title wins instant poker respect. Unabomber was originally the name of Ted Kaczynski, a man who for 18 years killed and injured innocent people with homemade explosives. Now Unabomber is another catchy title that gets a man respect and arguably may encourage him to maintain his reputation through crime… or he may simply be a sick psychotic bastard, but let us put that aside for a second. Putting our theory into action let’s call him ‘rich dawg’. Now the individual has almost no street and/or poker cred.

So I bet you are asking yourself, sure you have a valid point here… but I want to know what the speed of dark is. Well in that case you can go vote for Labor. For those of you who question the authenticity of Dr Dre’s medical credentials, read on.

Now I am not going to sit idly by and let this trend happen. Such names have the potential to get you, the reader, instant popularity with the middle-aged emo girl demographic. So I have fulfilled my civil duty and registered the following names, now available for purchase on eBay: Explosive Surfer, Golf Commando, Carpark Ninja, Cannibal Butler and Chuck Norris.

So in conclusion, how about we don’t encourage criminals to continue their crimes by giving them catchy names… and not force people to pay student fees at uni.

Written by Scott ‘Quick Draw McGraw’
Presented by Quentin Tarantino