tommyiscooldotcom

The End

2007-12-27T18:48:00.001+11:00

As some of you didn't seem to get the poignant subtlety of the last post, I'm done with the blog thing. Thanks craploads for reading and commenting and e-mailing and stalking. I'm pretty proud of the two+ years of content I posted, and it wouldn't have been nearly as fun without you, my double digit readers. I look back fondly at the times we shared, like the 100+ comment flame wars about

The Fall Of Howard.

2007-11-25T09:58:00.000+11:00

Mission accomplished.

Election 2007 - D-Day - The 'D' stands for 'Dork'

2007-11-24T13:36:00.001+11:00

I don't really care who you vote for today, as long as it's not this guy:His name is Pastor Paul Green, he is the Senate candidate for the Christian Democratic Party, and from the looks of that photo he enjoys bow-ties, weird stubble and pedo smiles. He's also known for calling for a 'War' on Islam, and is passionate about important issues facing the nation, such as the cancellation of Carols by

Matthew Reilly: 100% Straight

2007-11-20T17:55:00.000+11:00

Regular readers should know my position on best-selling Australian author Matthew Reilly - lying on his back in a small ditch slowly filling with dirt and shredded copies of Ice Station.And they should also know that I don't like him. And neither does the Sydney Morning Herald's photo editor or caption writer, judging by this:Matthew is smirking because he is thinking in itallics(At this point,

Election 2007 - Rejected Attack Ads

2007-11-13T21:37:00.001+11:00

I used to be in demand from all the major political parties, thanks in part to my biting insults and wicked photoshop skills. Well, Family First never showed much of an interest, but that's because I haven't sent enough naked pictures of myself around the internet. Apparently 5 isn't trying hard enough. Hard enough.There was a time when I was cranking out a dozen or so attack ads every election

Election 2007: Poll Dancing

2007-11-06T18:32:00.000+11:00

Now the Election is drawing nearer, we seem to be getting more polls than Lara Bingle at the Allan Border Medals. You've got Newspoll, Morgan, Nielsen, Galaxy, national polls and electorate polls, face-to-face and telephone polls. There's so many polls here, Germany keeps trying to invade us.And right there is the third poll joke in three sentences, if you included the topic which is not only a

Election07 - BREAKING POLITICAL NEWS

2007-10-28T11:18:00.001+11:00

The Family First logo looks like a sad dead clown :(

Election 07: The Master Debators, and who didn't expect me to make a masturbation joke when I blogged about the debate

2007-10-23T17:37:00.000+10:00

Just in case you were wondering - no. I'm pretty much only going to be writing about the election for the next few weeks. If you're looking for some hard-hitting pop culture pisstakes, go check Boredomistan or download a Get This! podcast. Or maybe think for yourself for once, loser.The Debate was on Sunday. I watched intently, mainly to see what the Worm would do. He went well, but I think

Dude...... Dude that's just gross

2007-10-20T10:38:00.000+10:00

Election 2007: Time's Up, Cockbrain (also Tommy's Guide To Holding An Election Party)

2007-10-16T17:36:00.000+10:00

Obviously by 'Cockbrain', I'm referring to John Howard, whose brain is actually made of tiny, floating cocks.Now that's out of the way, let's talk Election Parties!@ Perhaps the coolest of all parties, second only to Grand Final Parties and Wakes. And I know everyone is as keen as mustard for November 24th, so here is Tommy's Guide To Holding An Election PartyStep #1 - The TelevisionThe first

BACK SORRIEZ

2007-10-10T19:06:00.000+10:00

No, the blog isn't dead. It's weird though. I become a productive, full-time tax-paying member of society, and then suddenly can't think of anything to blog about. I don't know if that says anything about people who have blogs.Thanks for the comments encouraging me to return, too. I especially liked the one about how I beat off over the elderly. Without focusing too much on such filth, let's just

The Game Changes - SGS enters the Election

2007-09-25T19:40:00.000+10:00

It may be the only thing that can stop Rudd-mania running wild across the country, the only thing that the Man Of Steel John Howard is truly scared of. No, not Latham. It's another man. With three first names, and a dog called Nattie.Yes, Samuel Gordon Stewart is running for parliament, in the Canberra electorate of Fraser. In the time it took for him to announce his candidacy on John Kerr's

Things I Noticed At My Job

2007-09-19T19:54:00.000+10:00

So, I've been at my new job for about three weeks now. Everything's going well, especially the XBox 360 I bought with my winnings. Ain't nothing like killing some zombies with a chainsaw in a shopping mall after work, and playing on the XBox is fun too.Because this is my first real job (Subway doesn't count, nor does my brief sojourn in Monaco where I taught at the Sojourn School Of Pooncy Words)

Even the animals are weird in China

2007-09-14T18:11:00.000+10:00

take that, darwinwhat the fuck

The Fall Of Howard: I just like writing 'The Fall Of Howard'

2007-09-11T20:08:00.001+10:00

It seems like the election is already over. There's leadership tensions in the Liberals, Kevin Rudd is talking in chink to overseas leaders, and if you draw a trend line of the opinion polls over the last few weeks, it ends up being a giant cock face-fucking John Howard. I'm serious, try it.When I first started doing these Fall Of Howard blogs, I genuinely disliked the guy. But these days... well

Bin Laden's New Video

2007-09-07T15:09:00.000+10:00

So, Osama is back with a sequel. CAIRO, Egypt (AP) - Osama bin Laden will release a new video in the coming days ahead of the sixth anniversary of the Sept. 11 attacks in what would be the first new images of the terror mastermind in nearly three years, al-Qaida's media arm announced Thursday.I love 'Al Qaeda's Media Arm', just quietly. Call me crazy, but shouldn't they have been blown up by now?

I'm not sayin' I'm a prophet....

2007-09-05T17:43:00.000+10:00

But if the shoe fits:Deadline Hollywood Daily:Finishing the Top 10, Paramount's romantic fantasy Stardust hung in for a 3-day weekend of $3 mil and a predicted 4-day holiday of $3.9 mil from 1,766 runs; but its new cume starting four weeks in release is just $31.9 mil, thus cementing its status as a flop. Tommy in July:OMGZ STARDUST WILL BE FLOP K?Now, all I need is for someone to write a book

Sock It

2007-09-02T14:13:00.000+10:00

Along with Father's Day, it's also my birthday today. I turned 23, which is kind of depressing. Sure, I got some sweet presents, like the Bargearse/Olden Days DVD and the 24 DVD BOARD GAME~!, but I also bought myself socks for my Dad to give me. Socks.Socks.I didn't even realise what I was doing. I needed some new socks and a new belt for work, so I bought them. Then I thought 'Hey, I can scam

Defenders Of The Earth! DEFENDERS!

2007-08-29T18:00:00.000+10:00

I can't be the only one who read this on ABC News:And thought it meant this:He's a cool dude.And now, after the first Billy Zane reference on TommyIsCoolDotCom, Tommy is proud to present this, the first in the range of Billy Zane Blog Reference trading card memorabillia. Collect all 293.

Looking Back #1 - The TommyIsCool Victims

2007-08-27T16:01:00.000+10:00

I start my new job tomorrow, so blogs may become less frequent, or at least happen on different days. The blog isn't closing or anything crazy though - as long as John Howard is still Prime Minister, I feel a patriotic obligation to hate on him.But I thought, as the blog enters a new, employed era, that I would take a stroll down memory lane. A bit of a Where Are They Now, just without Kochie and

The Fall Of Howard: Wiki Wiki Wild Wild West

2007-08-24T12:10:00.000+10:00

There's nothing sadder than the people who edit and moderate Wikipedia. I get the ones that may contribute to a page about a certain hobby or something, but what about the ones writing the entry for the word "here"? Who feels so strongly about a word that they'll make a Wiki entry for it?Anyway, the Prime Minister's office has joined in on the action, making 126 edits to Wikipedia. I take such an

Détente is a fancy French word that History teachers use to look smart when they could just use an English word

2007-08-22T10:49:00.000+10:00

I'm kind of Jewish when it comes to the War On Terror. I loved the Old Testament (Afghanistan), but I don't really care so much for the sequel. I stole that from some guy. I forget who.To me, Afghanistan was about as justified a war as you can get these days. It was blowing up people who'd blown up our ally, people who were running one of the most oppressive, fundamentalist regimes since the

The Fall Of Rudd (on to some chick's lap)

2007-08-20T10:04:00.000+10:00

Well, the leading political news of the day is Kevin Rudd's trip to Scores in New York, so sadly, I'm going to have to put up a relevant picture.yes mr. rudd, please tell us more about the trade deficitI think this is hilarious. I love the idea of Rudd at a strip club, pissed off his rocker, yelling in Mandarin to a bunch of single mothers. Surely something about 'an education revolution.... in

ogmgomgogmogmgomgomgomgomg

2007-08-17T11:58:00.001+10:00

Nobody told me I could make POLLSVOTE IN MY POLL!@#on my poll more like it am i riteVOTE NOW~!

The Fall Of Howard - Costellemo Strikes Back

2007-08-15T12:02:00.000+10:00

When I first decided to do a series of blogs called 'The Fall Of Howard', I didn't think it would be so freakin' easy.Three senior Canberra gallery journalists, including the ABC's Michael Brissenden, say they met with Mr Costello over dinner in early 2005.They say the Treasurer told them Mr Howard could not win the election and he would "destroy" his leadership if he [Mr Howard] was still Prime

Ben Ikin: Friday Night Fuckhead - A Commentary By Matt and Tommy

2007-08-13T11:35:00.000+10:00

The Channel Nine NRL Commentary Team is a lot like a family. You have the patriarch, Ray 'Rabs' Warren. The cool dad Sterlo. The funny uncle Fatty Vautin. The funnier brother Matty Johns. And starting this year, Ben Ikin, the cousin you haven't seen in a while because the family is ashamed of him and have been keeping him in a special facility out of the state but now even the facility doesn't

The Fall Of Howard - I Will Push The Motherfucker

2007-08-10T14:11:00.000+10:00

Are Kevin Sorbo and Naomi Robson the same person? Boredomistan reports, you decide. But enough plugs. Today's blog is about a threat to my livelihood.As you know, this blog has annual revenue well in the tens, but that could once again be threatened, thanks to those fat cats in Canberra.JOHN Howard is going to spend $189 million on "cleaning up the Internet" for Australian families, blocking

Wednesday Lols

2007-08-08T14:37:00.001+10:00

Clicks Me To Make Me Big

Better 100 Biters Go Free..

2007-08-06T09:20:00.000+10:00

Some of you may not know this, but I bleed blue and white. No, I do not need a doctor, nor am I a Smurf. Rather, I am a Canterbury Bulldogs supporter. Although I think I am one-eighth Smurf, apparently because my great grandmother had a thing for little people.In addition to being an accomplished medical practicioner, I am also a keen student of the law and, as Sydney's lebanese community isn't

Haneef

2007-08-03T12:24:00.000+10:00

I can't say I've been following this Mohamed Hanfeef story. I can only give so much attention to Indians at once, and my quota was filled by The Great Khali becoming the World Champion on Smackdown. But Haneef's case raises a wider point. A wider point for me to bitch about.Even the most blatant Howard supporters (all 3 that are left) will admit that Haneef's case was handled horribly. Whether

So...

2007-08-01T11:54:00.000+10:00

That chick on the new Workplace Authority ads seems like a bit of a bitch.

The God Squad

2007-07-30T09:27:00.000+10:00

Now, we all promised not to speak again of The Breakfast Club Incident. Derek Granger is a good friend of this blog, and his off-mic, curse-filled diatribe was merely a blip on the radar of his twenty-year career. We've all moved past it, and now Derek's completed his mandatory community service, so has he.But some people just can't let it go. Take Pastor Tommy, the host of The God Squad,

Why Wrestling Is Awesome asidefromthefamilymurders

2007-07-27T15:47:00.000+10:00

The Fall Of Howard - The Fall Of Howard

2007-07-25T11:48:00.000+10:00

I told you it was coming. John Howard finally fell.I swear I've watched that about 16 times, and it just keeps getting funnier. I can't wait for the remixes. I just love how he adjusts his suit just before he falls, and then he looks back like he's blaming the stairs for the fact he's a senile old basta-Wait.Wait.Did anyone see that? The advisor?Who is that guy? Those glasses... That hand... I'd

Dear Mr. President, I am writing this letter to your person to describe a wonderfulment opportunity in the country state of Nigeria

2007-07-23T13:37:00.000+10:00

I hate Pink. Not the colour. I don't mind the colour, especially when it's bacon. I'm talkin' the singer. I realise she's a pop artist, so we shouldn't really hold her stuff to a very high standard. And I'm not one of those music elitist dickheads, because, after all, I like Bon Jovi.And my main problem with her isn't so much the music, it's just that it's completely unescapable. I listen only to

The Ultimate Showdown Of Ultimaticity

2007-07-20T13:51:00.000+10:00

As I love so many television shows, the annual Emmy Awards is always a heart-wrenching experience. How can I choose between 24 and Lost, or Entourage and The Office? Do I pull for Philip Norden or Robert Florio to win Most Outstanding Single-Camera Picture Editing For A Miniseries Or Movie? Why do they do this to me?because we hate you, tommyBut never has been harder to choose than this year. For

Stardust - A Film Preview By Tommy*

2007-07-18T13:54:00.000+10:00

Every so often, something comes along that you just know will fail. Celebrity Dog School on Channel Ten... Pirate Master on Channel Ten... Yasmine's Getting Married on Channel Ten.... Daddy Day Care 2, starring Cuba Gooding Jr (Coming soon to Channel Ten).But never have I been so sure of a movie's inevitable demise and total box office implosion than the upcoming Stardust.Stardust is about a

The Fall Of Howard - MySpace Warz

2007-07-16T13:08:00.000+10:00

It was inevitable really. Once Kevin Rudd's campaign ad was posted on YouTube, the obvious next step was MySpace. Next - campaign photos on Flickr. After that, policy launches on FaceBook. And then, we come full circle. John Howard naked, on XTube.And, just like the opinion polls, MySpace has spoken. Kevin Rudd has more friends than John Howard.....But a quick glance at Mr Rudd's page shortly

I don't want to sound overly partisan, but...

2007-07-12T13:36:00.000+10:00

PETER COSTELLO IS A PUSSYPrime ministerial heir designate Peter Costello has admitted he cries. Not over leadership squabbles, but over the Australian Idol show on television.When asked if he ever cried, the treasurer divulged that his family loved to watch Australian Idol and the show sometimes moved him to tears. "Yeah I do actually," Mr Costello said about his tendency to blub. "I get moved by

The Breakfast Club Incident

2007-07-10T08:49:00.000+10:00

Morning, all. I'm here to deliver some undesirable news, and that is that there is trouble afoot in the world of Baulkham Hills breakfast radio.Regular viewers of Tommy's blog will remember that we have previously mentioned radio superstar Derek Granger:Seeing as Tommy is such a big fan of Mr Granger Esq. and his profound body of work, we at TommyIsCoolDotCom can bring you exclusive audio of

I Swear To God

2007-07-08T23:07:00.000+10:00

If I don't get Foxtel soon, I'm going to fucking kill myself

Continuity

2007-07-06T11:07:00.000+10:00

Continuing this week's theme of 'Things Tommy Doesn't Get, and the blog's general theme of 'Shit Blogs On Fridays', I bring you two things I don't really understand.#1 - A FallSo, my new neighbours are a nice old retired couple. Top folks. They have a dog like Vincent from Lost, except it doesn't foreshadow death, which is what you really want in a pet. Anyway, the other day the wife neighbour

Optimus Prime Rides A Girly Bike

2007-07-04T13:23:00.001+10:00

So, I saw Transformers last night. Top movie. Explosions, robots and Shia LaBeouf being really Jewish. How can you go wrong?Oh.Well, anyway.. Transformers good. I wasn't particularly hyped for it, for the sole reason that aside from generally liking giant robots fighting other giant robots, I was never really into Transformers as a kid. I preferred M.A.S.K, or Hulk Hogan's Rock'N'Wrestling. I

Rove vs XZibit, and John Howard vs Australia

2007-07-02T12:37:00.000+10:00

Ok, Rove vs XZibit is officially the weirdest celebrity feud ever. This isn't like Rosie vs Trump, or Paris vs Nicole, or Lindsay vs Her Nasal Cavity, it's on a whole new level.The deal was, XZibit was meant to be on Rove's show last Sunday, but got offended by one of Rove's producers, then stormed off in what I presume was a car pimped out with an in-built plasma screen, fishtank and shower.YO

BenoitWikiGate 2007

2007-06-29T11:53:00.000+10:00

I was going to blog about the Rove/Xibit feud, but we'll push that back to Monday, because Benoit is still all over the news, and considering pro wrestling is the only thing I really know about, I may as well take advantage of it.There is an interesting news story about Benoit's Wikipedia page, specifically the entry that says he missed WWE's 'Vengeance' Pay-Per-View (which took place a few hours

Well, I guess it proves wrestling isn't fake...

2007-06-27T09:14:00.000+10:00

I wasn't going to blog about this, because when I found out yesterday morning that wrestling god Chris Benoit and his family were found dead in their home, I was trying to ignore the obvious. I mean, if it was a random truck driver, found dead in his house with a dead wife and kid, I'd be the first to say 'HE'S A MURDERER~!', but this was Chris freaking Benoit! His nickname was 'The Crippler',

Tommy Versus People Who Replace 'Brother' With 'Moron'

2007-06-25T09:14:00.000+10:00

I love Big Brother. Sure, it's is predictable, it's often boring and full of annoying people, but I still love it. When it evicts entertaining people like Bodie, it annoys me. When it comes home late from work and hits me, I forgive it. That's our relationship.Former Big Brother Housemate KrystalBut, I know Big Brother is shit. Everybody does. No matter how old they are, no matter how many times

I was gunna title this one 'Daddy's Home', but that just sounds really lame

2007-06-22T09:19:00.001+10:00

HAI!Just thought I'd POP in...................... ok no more cat picturesI'm back and all moved in to my new pad. At the moment, I'm overlooking a picturesque golf course. A Korean man just missed a put on the 17th Green.Why does it matter that he's Korean?Because it's funnier, that's why.A lot has changed since I left. Paris went to jail, Vince McMahon got blown up and, according to what I could

-_-

2007-06-21T20:11:00.001+10:00

Only 4 Cat Pictures In 19 Days

2007-06-21T18:17:00.000+10:00

We're Gunna Need A Bigger Blog

2007-06-21T11:53:00.000+10:00

Hello, Tommy here. I am on an extended hiatus because I'm moving house, so IsCool will be in the safe hands of the flamboyant Matt and the noob Richie until I return. Should be about a fortnight. If I'm not back by July, call the fire brigade.Matt will be writing blogs (hopefully) until Friday when he goes away, and Richie will be posting pictures of cats or something. This post is forward-dated

: \

2007-06-13T23:52:00.001+10:00

:|

2007-06-13T15:09:00.000+10:00

Hello

2007-06-13T12:20:00.000+10:00

Hello, I am Tommy at a net cafe at Baulkho. There is a fat man playing a pinata game on the XBox, and really bad music, and the walls are green. It's just like home.So, turns outa) Matt didn't post any blogsb) Richie posts about as many blogs as his hole of a suburb has gutters (3)c) After a week of no blogs, I can't think of anything to write about.Still won't have net for a week or two, so I

its not a cat =O

2007-06-06T22:50:00.000+10:00

power to the people

2007-06-03T20:59:00.001+10:00

i like cats II

2007-06-02T11:59:00.000+10:00

BBL lol

2007-06-01T12:27:00.000+10:00

Three things. First, I'm moving house~! on Monday (kinda), and to cut a long story short will be without da net for a week or two. In addition to commiting suicide, this means I won't be able to blog. So, IsCool is in the capable hands of Matt for a week or two, but hopefully I will be able to pop in and write some lame crap too.At this point, I'd like to mention that I haven't actually told Matt

The TommyIsCool Logo Showcase - #1 WINS!

2007-05-30T13:17:00.000+10:00

So a few weeks back, Blogger added a new feature allowing your blog header to be a picture. I made a quick test picture yesterday, and have received excellent feedback from my loyal readers.But, the time has come for a new, better logo. And because I like to give the impression that my blog is a democracy (or a democroblog), I'll let YOU decide!(Tommy reserves the right to ignore all comments and

Matthew Reilly: Hollywood Bound. In related news, San Diego Zoo reports shortage of bears

2007-05-28T11:45:00.000+10:00

My thoughts on prominent Australian "author" Matthew Reilly have been documented on this "blog" before. Essentially, my core complaint with Reilly's work is that it's shit. He uses single line sentences too much, he uses freaking italics in a novel, and his action stories typically involve the release of wild bears into an enclosed environment. Not to mention, his foreshadowing has about as much

When Tommy has nothing to blog about......

2007-05-25T15:14:00.000+10:00

The Fall Of Howard: The Boob Edition

2007-05-23T14:14:00.000+10:00

We encourage individual achievement and self-reliance without sacrificing the common good. We value our independence and chafe against bureaucracies that deny us choice and the capacity to shape our daily lives. Yet we are determined not to let go of the Australian ethos of a fair go for all.- John Howard, Australia Day 2006Debate has raged today after it was revealed a template Australian

An In-Depth and Unbiased Evaluation of 24: Season 6

2007-05-21T13:18:00.000+10:00

The following article contains scenes of graphic violence and 24: Season 6 spoilers. Viewer discretion is advised.So, 24: Season 6.It's not that it was a bad season.It's that it was so bad it makes me want to stick my own hand into my mouth, reach down my throat until my fingers burst into my chest cavity so that I can crush my heart with my hand like it was crushed by disappointment over how

Some dumbass makin firewood

2007-05-20T20:15:00.000+10:00

My Eighteenth Favourite Site

2007-05-18T14:39:00.000+10:00

I like pages that do things for you. Like, YouTube automatically sorts all the DaxFlame videos to the top of my screen. My blog shows me the most recent comments on the top right. LathamPorn.com automatically downloads the latest videos for me.And now, Fundies Say The Darndest Things! does my religion-bashing.props to some hotty for linking me the siteIt's basically a collection of quotes, from

Almost as good as Lady Punch

2007-05-17T16:31:00.000+10:00

The Fall Of Howard - Tommy's Guide To The Honeymoon

2007-05-16T13:26:00.000+10:00

Now, we all know Rudd-mania is running wild, and has been since December. Guy's the tits. With Vampire Butters at the helm, Labor's standing in Newspoll has gone from a three/four point lead under Beazley, to an eighteen point lead. If an election was held on Tuesday, K-Rudd would not only be the Prime Minister and be given the keys to the lodge, it is very likely he would have been given the

Hey, Spider-Man, let's have a chat

2007-05-14T14:29:00.000+10:00

What were you thinking, Spider-Man?tobey maguire is not this tanYou start off your film career with Spider-Man 1, a good movie. The Green Goblin is a little too 'bad guy from Power Rangers', but everything clicks. You even let us see Mary-Jane's nipples.And then you follow that up with Spider-Man 2, a fantastic movie. Doctor Octopus is so well-done, it ends on a nice cliffhanger and the stuff

The Fall Of Howard: The Celebrity Edition

2007-05-11T13:49:00.000+10:00

While I'm a dyed-in-the-wool Anybody But John Howard As Long As It's Not Beazley supporter, and therefore know which way I'm voting come election time, I understand some of you may be swinging voters.Maybe you weren't convinced by my 'John Howard speaks funny' brand of political satire, or maybe you're having doubts about Vampire Butters K-Rudd now he actually has to say things.So, rather than

I hate Medium

2007-05-09T21:36:00.001+10:00

What the fuck is with her fringe

People who annoy you......

2007-05-09T16:06:00.000+10:00

This is awesome, and at least it's not the fucking Budget: CHANNEL 7 television personality Grant Denyer has been forced to apologise for a crude comment he made on a breakfast radio program. Denyer was a guest on Nova's Merrick and Rosso program when he made the comment. The former Sunrise weather presenter was

Tommy's Logies Wrap-Up

2007-05-07T00:01:00.000+10:00

During Sunday Night's Logie Awards telecast, Tommy took some time off from watching the fat chick get voted off Big Brother to record his thoughts. Events occur in real time.IT'S A LOGIE LOGO!@# LOLGIE!!Adam Hills is just Wil Anderson minus the drugs. In fact, he's so much like Wil Anderson I'm surprised he doesn't spell his name 'Ada'. 30% of you got that.Izzy from Neighbours said, and I quote,

The Fall Of Howard: The Man Of Steel, The Conviction Politician, The Great Leader, The......... Oh? Really? Oh.

2007-05-04T13:17:00.000+10:00

After selling Work Choices as the only solution to the nation's productivity crisis, as the logical next step in Australia's economic reform, as the single most important thing ever in the history of the world................. a backflip.i love this picture (howard is on the right)Here's John Howard, the conviction politician, the Ironman of politics, the guy who would absolutely never play

Hassling The Heff

2007-05-02T14:40:00.000+10:00

Bill Heffernan is a Liberal Senator for NSW, and one of J-Ho's oldest buddies in Parliament. He's also known for doing some pretty outrageous stuff, like calling Justice Michael Kirby a pedo under the cover of parliamentary privilege, or handing out Green Party How-To-Vote cards at the most recent NSW State Election and yelling about how they wanted to give drugs to your kids.Basically, he's

Big Brother - More like MorMOAN lol

2007-04-30T13:10:00.000+10:00

Whenever there's nothing else to blog about, I'm just going to talk about Big Brother. I hope that's cool. If not, feel free to look through the archives instead, for all the times I just bitched about John Howard when I had nothing else to blog about.Rebecca is Big Brother's first Mormon. For those of you who don't know for sure, Mormons are a sub-sect of Christianity, who don't drink, smoke or

Not making any point really, I just find Watermelon funny

2007-04-27T13:39:00.000+10:00

Hai. Hope you all had a good Anzac Day. I spent the day moving shit for a garage sale on Sunday, and because I felt it was a little un-Anzac, I decided to make up for it. So, I dug a trench in my front yard and shot my Turkish neighbours. Azim was soooo angry.Speaking of......... Australians, today was the Australian Labor Party's National Conference (see what I did there?). The soundbite for the

Lest We Forget

2007-04-25T10:48:00.000+10:00

Big props to all the diggers of wars past and present, and also to World War 2 Prime Minister John Curtin who, according to the ABC tele-movie I saw on Sunday, did quite a bit also. Nice one, John.

Big Brother 2007 - Meet The Bogans

2007-04-23T13:30:00.000+10:00

After the 'I got lots of hits' success of last year's blogs about Big Brother, here's the 2007 version. The show launched last night, and I was pretty underwhelmed. The secret relationships sound interesting, but eh. I want psychological torture, and fake Krystal tits. That's all.In today's blog, we meet the Housemates.Aleisha- A bubbly and lively hairdresser, one of eight children- Claims to

The Virginia Tech Shooting Blogstravaganza - Part 2 - 'Cho: The Softer Side'

2007-04-20T14:10:00.000+10:00

Oh Cho. Even when you dress up like a tough guy, you still look like a MySpace emo.Ok, that mightn't be the original picture ('faggot' was misspelt in the original), but you get the idea. This dude was straight-up weird. He dresses up as Tomb Raider, and doesn't even include the giant tits. And apparently, Cho's 'Hammer-Time' pose is straight from a South Korean movie called 'Oldboy' in English,

The Virginia Tech Shooting Blogstravaganza - Part 1

2007-04-18T12:02:00.000+10:00

Disclaimer: What happened at the school was a tragedy, which is why the following blogstravaganza will contain no jokes about the victims, the poor girl who was unlucky enough to date a complete fucking psycho, or anything like that. Tommy and Matt do however, reserve the right to insult the shooter, anything he's done or was ever going to do, his entire race, country and anything he's ever

SongMeanings.net - Where deaf retards come to post comments

2007-04-16T12:23:00.000+10:00

Anyone ever been to SongMeanings.net? It's straight up balla. Like the name suggests, you type in a song, and you get a few dozen fourteen year-old tools telling you why it reminds them of the time their parents divorced.a screenshot of the site. disregard the porn in the other tab.Now, obviously it's hard to find gold when you're looking at decent songs. Fans of bands like U2, or Powderfinger

Joey Johns and other things

2007-04-13T14:48:00.000+10:00

So, Andrew Johns announced his retirement from rugby league (the sport they play in heaven, along with baseball and Team Fortress 2) a few days ago, after suffering a neck injury at training, a concussion in Round 1, a neck injury in 2006, a knee injury in 2005, a back injury in 2003, a groin injury in 2002 and an ovary rupture in 2001.Joey in 1999, before being struck down by a season-ending

The Curse Of The Power Rangers - By Tommy, with Matt. Not the other way around.

2007-04-10T11:32:00.000+10:00

You remember the Power Rangers right? For me, they were the last kids show I watched before I hit Year 6 and such things were no longer acceptable. So for that reason, they hold a special place in my heart. I'm talking, of course, about the first show, not those weird new ones where they're in space fighting space pandas.they obviously weren't the mighty morphin fashion rangers, am i right girls

Cadbury Creme Egg - The chocolate so good, it doesn't need an 'a'.

2007-04-06T12:31:00.000+10:00

Today is Easter, or at least the pre-Easter hype day, where we run down the team listings and vital statistics for the main event.And for better or for worse, the drawcard of Easter for a large chunk of people isn't celebrating the ressurection of Jesus, it's chocolate. So today's blog is for you folks. The kind who bite into a nice, juicy steak on Easter Friday, and watch the Sunday footy while

The Doctor is [IN]

2007-04-03T10:59:00.000+10:00

You may not realise this, but we here at tommyiswhateverdotcom get a great deal of email and hand-written letters in response to the entries we write. Since signing on as part of the full-time team here, most of my time has been dedicated to responding to these letters.[possibly why you havent written an entry in over a month -tommy]Now, I did my training in clinical psychology (no, seriously)

Fat Chicks In YouTube Hats

2007-04-01T23:43:00.000+10:00

It's not often that Matt and I combine our bad jokes into one blog. It's even less often that we resort to copy/pasting our only-funny-to-us MSN convos rather than actually writing something with form and cohesion. Only the most special of special people deserve such a treatment, and we've stumbled upon another.Her name is debalicious17. And she's licious alright.Fat-o-licious.You HAVE to see

An important blog

2007-04-01T10:09:00.000+10:00

lol april foolz this isn't even really a blog

Tommy Presents - 'Completely Unrelated Headlines'

2007-03-30T16:40:00.000+10:00

So, I did my usual daily check of Halle Berry news, and stumbled upon this...Shocking.Why would someone so successful, so well-respected and so hot as Halle Berry want to off themselves?This has been the first hilarious installment of Tommy's highly successful 'Completely Unrelated Headlines' comedy bit. 'Completely Unrelated Headlines' is filmed infront of a live, studio audience.

Video Post #666 - The Mark Of The Ugly Girl In A Smock Frock

2007-03-28T15:38:00.000+10:00

I love video posts. They're what you do when the only other thing to talk about is David Hicks. More like David Boring. In Boringtanamo Bay. Who commited an act of bortreason. Take that, guy without any legal rights.The children in this video are why boarding schools were invented.Rubiks Cube - The Cartoon. Just watch the intro.Captain America - Fuck Yeah! R.I.P Cap :(In keeping with RacistWeek -

Audio Blog: HorseFaceGate

2007-03-26T12:10:00.000+10:00

Yes, as if a 10-comment extravaganza wasn't enough, HorseFace/TommyIsARacistGate has been picked up by the mainstream media.Listen to this story, which was on Channel Nine's morning bulletin.Warning: Contains Bad Impressionsprops to dj locu for hosting

That's when bad blogs become good friends.

2007-03-25T11:00:00.000+10:00

So, Iemma won.*segue from NSW politics to bad TV soapie*Neighbours is an Australian institution, a huge international success, and also rates like shit. Really. Even Rove rates higher. It's a disgrace. I'm not a big watcher, but I do catch about one episode a week, just because that's what cool people do. Also, I think Susan is a total milf.But nobody wants to see Neighbours get the axe,

TASER~!

2007-03-23T19:09:00.000+11:00

There'll be a real blog tomorrow or Sunday. In the mean time, this.

A Rooster Fan - An Emo Poem by Tommy.

2007-03-21T13:39:00.000+11:00

A Rooster FanAn Emo Poem by TommyHere goesThat's not part of the poemIt doesn't even rhyme.Or doesit.lolokIn 1995, I chose my new teamThe Mighty Sydney Roosters, the Red, Blue, White and Green.Red for their coach, the slightly homo Phil GouldBlue for the water they swim in to coolWhite because they don't have many abos....And green for the colour of money, the source of their power.They were shit

Straight to the Wiki-Keeper - Tommy's Guide To The Other Wikis

2007-03-19T14:54:00.000+11:00

I love Wikipedia. It helped me kick ass at uni, and these days, with nothing else to do, it helps me with more important things, like trying to find out what the longest-at-#1 Single of the 90's was when I'm sure it's 'My Heart Goes On' but my mate insists it's 'Pretty Fly For A White Guy' and it turns out we're both wrong and it's 'Gangster's Paradise'.But some people don't like Wikipedia.

I had about five vagina jokes lined up, but I just used one

2007-03-16T12:48:00.000+11:00

I don't often post about NSW State Politics, mainly because it bores me, and I'm the kind of guy who reads sites like these, so it must be bad. It's also very, very depressing. On one hand, you have Morris Iemma and the Labor Government, which have fucked over every single thing in the state.And I'm not joking. They have physically penetrated every single thing in NSW. Well, Milton Orkopolous

The Fall Of Howard - The Porn Lunch

2007-03-14T23:59:00.000+11:00

Ok, so Matt is in Canberra on 'business' (stalking Samuel Gordon Stewart), so it looks like I'm going to have to write more than one blog a week. Christ, it's like the site is named after me or something.Howard Has Lunch With Porn MogulNow, the obvious joke now is 'Tommy, how come you didn't tell us you had lunch with the Prime Minister?', but we're all above that.What we aren't above, however,

For today... today is our Independence Day.... Independence from... not smelling bad. Ok, fine, does anyone else want to do a speech?

2007-03-11T23:19:00.000+11:00

On July the 1st, smoking will be banned in NSW pubs and clubs, or something like that. I don't know the details. All I know is, smokers are cunts. All of them. The only smokers that aren't cunts are those who look really cool doing it (see below), or soldiers in a battlefield or somewhere really cold, like Melbourne.I don't know who this 'ANDA' chick is, but damn if that's not a cool pipeAnd so I

Not so tough without your shield, huh

2007-03-08T16:23:00.000+11:00

Captain America is dead.CAPDOWNED!@Is it wrong that I took more notice of the death of Captain America than the 21 people who died in that Indonesian plane crash? Or is that excusable, just because I associate plane crashes with mystical islands, polar bears and hot dirty Kate/Sawyer cage sex?I think it is.Though, sadly for the 21 people who perished in that crash, I have a feeling they won't be

Breaking News: Nobody Gives A Shit About Brian Burke

2007-03-06T10:32:00.000+11:00

Has there ever been a more boring scandal in politics than Brian Burke/Kevin Rudd's eating habits? Even the Canberra Press Gallery had to look him up on Wikipedia to figure out who he was. Not even Brian Burke knows who Brian Burke is.Today's Newspoll, taken after BurkeGate broke, shows Labor up three points, leading 57-43, their biggest lead in eleven years of Howard (except for the time Beazley

His best friend's a talking pie! SOLD!

2007-03-03T23:01:00.000+11:00

So the other night over a quiet game of poker, which I lost after going all in on a pair of eights (I hate myself), I got asked a hypothetical. Not one of the good ones, like 'would you cut off one of your nuts if you could shag Jennifer Hawkins', one of the 'let's see if you're an evil dick' ones.You and a friend are in two matching cages, next to each other. In each cage is a button.You're each